


I Should Live in Salt for Leaving You Behind

by Asrael_Valtiri



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Blow Jobs, Come Eating, Dub-Con (not with Hux and Ren), Ginger Angst, Ginger Tears, He's smarter than that, Hux doesn't go out like a punk, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Presumed character death, Rimming, Sex, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fuck-It, okay boomer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:28:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 64,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22154806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asrael_Valtiri/pseuds/Asrael_Valtiri
Summary: Of course, he’d betrayed Ren, to save the Order. To save himself and his people.To try to save Ren, in a way.Strange, Hux thought, closing his eyes against the glare of the overhead lighting. He pretended that the wetness escaping the corner of his eye was from the brightness. He failed.Stupid, he amended. Stupid, Armitage.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 303
Kudos: 317





	1. I Can Tell That Somebody Sold You

**Author's Note:**

> Story and chapter titles from The National.

Perhaps, in the end, he had let Ren in far too much.

He lay in the small bed in the proportionately small medbay on Ren’s Upsilon, hijacked as planned by two knights loyal always to Ren, but not to the current status quo. There were still officers loyal to Hux in the First Order. He had carefully communicated the shitstorm to them. The First Order might crumble, but at the very least, he could save the lives of the young people who didn’t deserve to be slaughtered for the greed of the old Empire.

Hux couldn’t believe that all of their lives had been orchestrated by a decaying old fuck too greedy to let go of his empire. Old Palpatine offered nothing to him, to his people, but the same shit-clogged mire into which they’d been born, from which they had escaped, to which he had no desire to return. Hux had intended to bring order to the galaxy. The Empire only offered that by accident. Honestly, Palpatine didn’t seem to care. He knew the stories. But he had lived the truth. The Rebellion had won the war, and the Empire had harnessed the lives of its children, rebuilt itself upon their backs. The Empire desired power, not order.

This was no cause for which his people should fight. Certainly, they should not die.

And even the Starkiller himself was loathe to put Death Star capabilities on every destroyer in the fleet. 

Hux wanted to burn down the old and rebuild something good from the ashes. Pryde and Palpatine were setting up the Final Order to destroy anything and everything for power.

Hux was under no delusions about his own monstrousness. One doesn’t build a star system-destroying weapon and believe oneself to be an angel. But why should the entire galaxy pay the price for a corpse’s lust for power?

Old fucks. Once again, old men were refusing to be obsolete, refusing to relinquish their shrivelled, tenuous grasp on what they’d already lost.

And fucking Ren. 

He wouldn’t listen to Hux.

Of course, Ren already knew.

For want of power, Ren handed the Order over to Pryde, to Old Sheev, who should have been dead. And Pryde, whom Hux should have killed outright. In the end, even if he’d been killed, he’d at least have had the knowledge that he’d taken Pryde with him.

A grave miscalculation, but not so grave that Hux was unprepared.

His chest hurt, but it was just bruising. Of course, he’d taken to wearing armor weave undergarments.

Of course, he’d betrayed Ren, to save the Order. To save himself and his people.

To try to save Ren, in a way.

Strange, Hux thought, closing his eyes against the glare of the overhead lighting. He pretended that the wetness escaping the corner of his eye was from the brightness. He failed.

Stupid, he amended. Stupid, Armitage.

Even as Pryde shot him, and his surprised cry was abruptly aborted, he thought Ren might hear him. Might care enough to save him.

He knew now, as Asher sped the Upsilon far from the Steadfast, Ren didn’t care. She had told Hux that Ren had hardly said a thing when Pryde told him the spy had been “taken care of.” She had rendezvoused with Hux and Valance at the Upsilon and said so.

Now, Ren was off after the girl. As always.

Hux had hoped they could reach an understanding after Crait, after Mon Cala, after Batuu, but everything kept falling apart.

And then Pryde had come. Old Enric, last of his tormentors. The one Hux had never quite managed to destroy.

Now, he knew why. Pryde was the Emperor’s right-hand man. 

How galling to be shot by an old abuser. Hux hoped his death came swiftly. He hoped Pryde looked it right in the eyes and pissed himself screaming as an inferno engulfed him.

And Ren?

Armitage Hux didn’t know how he felt.

Rather, he wanted to deny it.

Ren had brought him to the Steadfast, and their brittle relations had crumbled.

The last time Ren looked at Hux, he had stopped Hux from speaking with a deliberate, angry finger shoved in his face. Ren hadn’t even bared his face to Hux. Even so, Hux could picture his face perfectly: the anger, the disdain, each mole and freckle, the faint trace of his scar.

Hux was lucky that Ren had his knights watch Hux. Lucky that Hux learned two of them resented the old men and worried for their master. Lucky that Valance, like Ren, had trouble hiding his emotions. That Hux had known for some time that Valance fancied him, and that Valance was like a brother to Asher. And that they knew, once upon a time, Ren had cared about Hux. In spite of Palpatine’s attempts through Snoke to prevent and later destroy any bond the two men might share.

Well, in the end, it had worked.

Every molecule in Hux’s being reacted angrily to being disdained, thrown aside, stripped of power, humiliated. Scorned. Hit Hux, and he’d hit right back. But less blatantly. Decades of abuse made him vengeful and vicious.

But Ren, in the end, was something else altogether.

Much as Hux had attempted to exorcise affection and desire for Ren from his soul, in this one task he had failed, repeatedly.

Now he really needed to be done. Ren was lost to him forever. Palpatine captured his soul, and the girl had his heart.

Hux thought about that last moment, Ren’s silence as he shoved his finger in Hux’s face. One last humiliation, silenced one final time by the man he had perhaps loved, in front of other officers, troopers, Pryde.

As if Ren didn’t want to be reminded of his voice, their relationship, any of it. Single-mindedly in pursuit of power, and even more power the girl represented.

Finally, Armitage Hux cracked.

His life was worth nothing. All he’d ever done--nothing. All that he did he had done unwittingly for the Empire, an old, desiccated useless corpse that wanted to glut and grow fat by sucking the blood of everyone, everything in its path.

His existence was as pointless as he’d feared. As he’d always been told.

Fine, then. Perhaps he and his few surviving comrades could run back to the Outer Rim. He could settle down with Valance or Opan, forget about Kylo Ren.

He would never be able to forget about Kylo Ren. The feel of Ren’s skin under his fingertips, Ren’s body crushing his into the bed, those doe eyes desperate for recognition, just like Hux’s own.

Even though across the galaxy, Hux knew Ren would ignore him, he called out, his voice cracking, “Ren--!”

Of course, only silence answered him.

He blocked out the overhead light by covering his eyes to sob into his hands. He bit hard into the flesh of his palm to keep from yelling. 

He’d tried to tell himself he hated Ren. Despised Ren with every fiber of his being.

Now his tears forced him to admit the truth to himself.

He didn’t really understand love. How could he? But what he felt for Ren was perhaps the closest thing to it that he was able to experience.

He rolled gingerly onto his right side, gasping at the pain remaining from FN-2187’s blaster through his leg.

It hurt that Pryde thought Hux was stupid enough to be shot and actually die in such an asinine manner. Arrogant old fool.

But Ren’s dismissal, his indifference, hurt far worse. So much that, for once, Hux almost wished he’d died.

He buried his head beneath the scratchy, sterile, First Order blanket in the narrow, functionally uncomfortable First Order medbay bed and began to sob.

All of it was gone.

His plans, his authority, his ships, his people, his whole life, his usefulness.

Who was he without his rank? Without the Order?

Who was he without Ren, against whom he could assess himself?

He wept until he had nothing left in him. It seemed hours passed. Valance and Asher left him in peace, and he was glad of it. He wept until he lay hiccupping in the silence of the medbay. He inhaled the sterile scent of the blanket and shivered as his body calmed.

He realized that he’d felt the bed sink beside him a moment ago. He felt a hand upon his back, in his uncharacteristically messy hair. Eyes puffy and red, nose completely congested, he leaned back into the touch. Slowly, he rolled over, expecting Valance.

Kriff, he was in a state if he let Valance do that--

But there was no one.

His imagination cruelly supplied fake comfort.

He felt emptier now.

Sometimes, he loathed his brain.

“Sssh,” a voice told him.

He sat up.

His eyes widened in panic. He nearly opened his mouth to cry out for one of the knights, but he felt a breath against his lips.

‘You’re fine.” The breath became a voice, which became a touch to his cheek, and then disappeared.

Hux thought he’d finally lost his mind. He reclined onto the bed once more and shut his eyes. If madness were easier done, he’d let it happen.


	2. You Will Learn To Survive Me

How long he tried to let madness claim him he did not know. But the soft voice, the gentle touch didn’t return.

It had sounded like Ren.

That’s how he knew he was mad.

At some point, Valance came to check on him.

“Armitage?” he asked from the doorway.

Hux knew he grimaced; but, since he was no longer a general of the First Order, they could all dispense with the formalities.

“Are you all right? How’s your leg?”

Hux refused to sit up. Let the insanity find him laying down, ready to be consumed.

“Fine. It hurts a bit,” he replied.

Valance entered and moved Hux’s blanket, carefully uncovering only his left leg. Hux wore only a gown and his regulation boxer briefs. He knew Asher had stripped him, at her own insistence, not because she was tempted by his body, nor by sex in general. “Propriety,” she’d snapped at a blushing Valance.

Now, Valance unwrapped his leg gently from the bacta and examined it. His large hands were soft as he touched the last vestiges of the wound.

“Looks good. I’ll just put on more and give you another painkiller,’ he said quietly.

“Don’t bother. Either let me feel the pain or give me enough to kill me. None of this middle ground,” Hux replied wearily.

Valance frowned. “For one thing, Armitage,” he said sternly, his voice harsh on Hux’s first name, “these painkillers can’t kill you. They’d only upset your stomach. And it’s time you ate.”

“I don’t want to,” Hux said petulantly.

Kriff, he was reverting to a child he’d never actually been. Hadn’t been allowed to.

Perhaps madness had its perks?   
  


“It doesn’t, and you know that,” Valance scolded. “Stop trying to give up. The remnants of your people will need you, sir.”

“What people? What remnants?” Hux asked and waved his hand weakly up in the air.

Valance rebandaged his leg carefully and then placed his hands on Hux’s face, holding him still. Valance’s thumb caressed his cheek. The knight sighed. It wasn’t that Hux wanted Valance; they both knew this, but Hux wanted something of Ren’s. And so he leaned into Valance’s large hand, large like Ren’s, and kissed the palm.

Valance pulled away like he’d been burned. He looked angry. He looked hurt.

“Don’t do that, Hux, unless you mean it.”

Hux felt the tears stinging his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

They stared at each other in shock for a moment. Hux had apologized.

This was all so much worse than he thought!

Valance stood. “I’ll bring you some more painkillers and some food. Just...stay here,” he said, and left.

Hux’s mind was a disastrous mess. He apologized. He tried to seduce Valance. The man was not Ren. He might be tall and broad like Ren, but they were so different. Now that the three of them were fleeing the Final Order, neither knight bothered to conceal their alien heritage. Both were bald. Valance was gentle and considerate of Hux’s state--adamantly so. Even when Ren had been on the Steadfast with his knights, Valance had argued with Ren about Hux. And Ren had told the knight he could have the damned fool if he wanted Hux so much.

The knight and his master had a tense relationship after that.

Asher was far more quiet in her displeasure.

She reminded him, in a way, of Phasma. But, whereas Phasma was filled with a professional veneer over self-preservation, Asher was strangely kind, in her own offhand way. She wasn’t affectionate, but she was sincere. And somehow, these two Dark-side Force-users were two of the best people he’d met in the First Order.

A pity Asher hadn’t led the knights.

Hux couldn’t quiet his mind, but he didn’t think they would give him anything for it. He balked at remaining this agitated. He could not endure it right now.

He rubbed his eyes.

Valance returned with food and meds, as he’d promised. Hux obediently accepted both.

“Your mind is loud,” Valance said. “Can you sleep?”

“Not without help,” Hux sighed.

“Would you like to learn to meditate?” Valance asked.

“No. I want you to knock me out,” Hux said coldly.

“You should meditate,” Valance said.

“You should fuck me,” Hux replied.

Valance backed away from the bed.

“What? I consent,” Hux said.

“No. Absolutely not,” Valance growled. He looked upset. “You are in no state--”

“I’m perfectly in order. I can handle it. It would help me immensely.”

“No!” Valance now looked heartbroken. “I’m not touching you when you want my master, not me.”

“I can want a fuck. You’re adequate for a fuck. I like your look.”

Valance walked out the door without another word.

“Fuck,” Hux said.

A few moments later, Asher strode in.

“Do not play with him, human. He desires you, and you are cruel. We are not here to cater to your desperations. We are saving you.”

Chagrined, chastened, Hux looked at his lap. Never had she spoken so much to him, and now she had, it was a rebuke. Rightfully so, but it made him feel worse.

She shook her head. “I do not even remotely comprehend everyone’s constant need for sexual relations and validation.”

She approached and awkwardly patted him on the head. “Behave. Be better to Valance in the future, or I’ll space you, boy,” she said. He recoiled in horror, but she smiled and tucked his fringe behind his ear. “I mean it. You are family now, and family takes care of each other. Not like the rest,” she said sadly.

Then she left him alone too.

Perhaps, if Valance was merciful enough to look in on him again, Hux would take him up on the offer of meditation.

And then, more tears sprung to Hux’s eyes.

She’d called him family.

He’d never really had that before. Not in any way that could be pertinent to anything but genetics. He’d considered Phasma, unwisely he knew, but not after Starkiller. And he consciously chose not to consider Ren family for years. After decades of loathing from his father and step-mother, after deciding his co-commanders were not viable familial options, here was this woman, a follower of Ren, non-human, ruffling his hair and calling him family.

He had loved Kylo Ren. To no avail.

He could accept this. His first actual family.

He wiped the tears from his eyes and gave a weak smile.

What sort of man could he become with an actual family? What would they do to survive?

Perhaps a life with Valance wouldn’t be so bad. He’d never have with anyone else what he’d had, briefly, with Ren, but was that really a bad thing? Perhaps it would be best if he settled for less passion and more stability. Be with someone who was gentle with him. Yes, Asher and Valance both possessed Force powers, but they hadn’t ever used them on Hux. Only they of all the knights had ever presented themselves as reasonable, less feral, more calm. The others all possessed and irascible wildness, like Ren himself.

He ate and dozed some more. The painkillers helped a bit, with his leg, and his torso felt better now than it had even an hour ago.

And so, no longer content to linger in the medbay, Hux gingerly rolled his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He nearly collapsed back onto the bed. He folded over it for a moment to gather himself. He noticed his absurd cane on the counter beside the bed and, grateful to the two knights for leaving it, grabbed it and used it to help himself stand.

Once he managed to steady himself, he cautiously took a step from the bed. When he kept standing, he hobbled his way slowly to the cockpit.

The design was, once one left the medbay, rather spacious. The ceilings were tall in order to accommodate Ren’s height. The seats were wide and comfortable for Ren’s broad body. And wide enough to also accommodate Hux straddling Ren’s wide body. Hux knew this from experience.

He flushed and pushed the thought from his head.

He saw the two bald heads over the back of the pilot and co-pilot seats. Asher flew, of course. She always quietly took charge of her brother of Ren. And, despite his size, Valance let her. Not that she was small, not by any means. She was nearly as tall as Hux himself and probably outweighed him by twenty or thirty pounds of muscle.

He had a vague recollection of her hoisting his body on to the medbay bunk when she changed him.

Too late for embarrassment now, he thought.

As if she sensed him, Asher turned.

“Hux, you’re up.”

“Yes--”

Valance leapt from his seat and came to gently tug Hux’s arm.

“Here,” he told Hux, “sit. Please.”

Deciding to humor Valance’s chivalry, Hux obeyed. Sitting hurt a little, but it was easier than standing.

“Where are we?” he asked.

“Look.” 

She tipped the Upsilon upward.

Through the viewport, Hux saw a destroyer, still wounded, but, much like himself, his beauty, his home, his Finalizer, was none the worse for wear.

He reached a hand toward her, fingers clutching hopefully.

“Through some clever machinations, she’s been decommissioned and retired. And sold, though no one technically knows how or why,” Valance said with a smile.

“She’s all yours,” Asher added.

Other ships flew through toward the Finalizer, docking in the bays.

How this had happened, he could only guess. From where Asher and Valance had acquired funds or proper paperwork and titles, he couldn’t know. How the Order had let this ship slip through its fingers, he couldn’t fathom. He didn’t need to know more than that she was his again.

“And who are they?” he asked, indicating the other ships.

“Unhappy former officers who transferred or fled. You’d be surprised how angry some of your people were then they heard the Emperor was behind the Order, and then that you’d been shot,” Valance said in a satisfied voice.

“How did this all happen?”

“Honestly, we aren’t even entirely certain. We received an encrypted message a couple days ago, whilst you were still unconscious.”

He could guess that many of these ships contained loyal people, to whom he’d communicated his distress. He was relieved to see so many transports and even some TIE fighters entering the docking bays. How they had ever gotten control of the Finalizer, he couldn’t even guess. Hux assumed the people whom he’d contacted would desert or mutiny. But he did not expect a mass exodus to the Finalizer.

“What did the message say?” he asked.

“It told anyone loyal to you or the First Order to retreat to the Finalizer,” Asher replied.

His eyes widened. “Is this a trap?”

Valance shrugged. “The Final Order is too busy over Exogol and awaiting the Resistance’s last stand. By the time they notice us, we’ll be long gone. Besides, why blow all the credits to free up the Finalizer, only to destroy it? She’s a good ship.”

Hux watched his ship as they approached, as Asher gave their call numbers, as they flew into a bay.

When they led him from the Upsilon, once again, he burst into tears.


	3. Me I'm Wide Awake and Feeling Defeated

He was home. The first home he’d actually considered as such. After all that had happened since Starkiller, he could hardly process any of this.

He sobbed into his hands, and his shoulders shook underneath Valance’s cloak. He wept so fiercely, he couldn’t move, or he was certain he’d fall down.

A large arm wrapped around him and held him close. The warmth comforted him immensely, and he gave a shuddering sigh.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re home now,” Valance murmured into his ear. He felt the knight’s lips against his sideburn.

Asher cleared her throat, and Valance released him, though he kept a light hand upon Hux’s elbow as they led him through the bay.

He stumped along slowly with his cane, wiping his eyes on the edges of his cloak--his for now, until he could get some clothing. Asher stayed close beside him as Valance tugged him gently along. Neither wore their helms.

From seemingly nowhere, a dark head appeared and began running inelegantly toward the trio through the throngs of First Order soldiers.

“Sir!” it called in a quavering voice as it neared and coalesced into Lieutenant Mitaka.

“Lieutenant,” Hux said raspily.

“Sir! We’re so glad to see you! We--we all thought Pryde had killed you until--ah--” His voice tailed off as he seemed to notice the two knights. He gulped loudly. “We all got encrypted messages to come here, and then, ah--Ms. Ren here?” He paused.

“Asher,” Hux supplied.

“Confirmed you were en route to the Finalizer. Those of us not awaiting her recommission came as quickly as we could. All transfers were expedited. If they weren’t, well--”

“There won’t be anyone left to court-martial a deserter, will there?”

And there was Opan, an unlikely smile on his face.

“Sir, good to have you back.”

Hux huffed out a breath. “Good to be back,” he replied with a watery smile.

“Ah, sir,” Mitaka said, “Millicent is in your old rooms. We’ve taken turns keeping her with us. She’ll be as glad as we are to see you, sir.”

Hux’s lips trembled. He hadn’t seen her in so long, so very long. He thought he’d never see her again.

Mitaka and Opan looked at each other.

“Sir,” Asher interjected, “we should get you to a real medical suite. Then you can see your pet.”

Despite his impatience to see Millicent, he nodded. “Ah, yes. Hopefully, we’ve medical personnel on board.” Hux gave a light laugh.

“Oh, you’d be surprised at everyone we have so far,” Opan replied.

Indeed, he was. It seemed that most of his young officers had returned to the Finalizer. Even one or two whom he’d promoted that had transferred to other ships had returned. Many troopers and pilots saluted as he limped by them with his entourage.

He was overwhelmed. For the past year, nothing had gone right for him. Ren had stripped him of his authority, of everything for which he’d worked and planned and schemed. But now, so many of his old crew greeted him, seemed almost--dare he think it--happy to see him.

He too was happy to see them.

What he would do with them, he’d no idea. The First Order was essentially finished. With one limping destroyer, there was little he could accomplish militarily.

Now they would simply survive.

His heart hurt at the thought that they’d be reduced to replicating the misery of life after the Empire fell.

He needed a plan. An entire city’s worth of people depended on his capabilities. 

He feigned confidence, but he doubted he’d be able to fix this.

He didn’t have the confidence. Or the credits.

He still had access to credits though. That was a start.

“Quiet your mind,” Valance said. “You don’t need to think about it just yet.”

“But I do. How am I to lead these people when we’ve nothing?”

“By relying on us and them. It isn’t as though you’re alone in this.”

Hux paused to look at him.

“What?” Valance asked, his heavy brow furrowing.

“Just--no one’s ever said that to me before.”   
  
“I’m saying it now. Why do you think Asher and I are here? Why do you think everyone is here? You just have rotten taste in friends and lovers,” he replied. His voice had a crossly jocular tone.

Hux’s lashes fluttered gently against his cheek. He tried to compose himself. Valance squeezed his arm gently and gave him an equally soft smile. Hux’s lips rose in a half-smile, even though the knight had basically just insulted his new master.

There was something cathartic about that, even for Hux.

“Sir!” a voice rapped out.

Surely not--

Hux’s widened eyes turned from Valance to stare in shock at the man before him in the corridor. Far shorter than he, old, Imperial.

“Captain Peavey?” Hux asked in shock.

“Yes, sir. I wasn’t about to leave the Finalizer. She’s been in my care.”

Peavey looked angry. Honestly, Hux was none to pleased to see him. He could not even fathom why he remained.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“As I said, sir--”

“I know what you said. Let’s not pretend we’ve any respect for each other. Not now. Why have you stayed? Why not flee or join the Final Order?”

“Because this was my ship, albeit briefly, and--I do not approve of the state of affairs with the Final Order,” Peavey admitted grudgingly.

Hux was surprised. He thought all the old Imperials were more than happy to hand the fleet back to their emperor. Not so, apparently. He wondered how many other old men felt the same. 

“I believe--” Peavey paused and then surrendered a sigh. “I believe that the Empire made a grave misstep. We meant to rule planets, not obliterate them all. Sir,” he added sharply with a glare.

Hux swallowed. Oh, yes, he recalled Tah’Nuhna. He regretted the losses suffered there, but they’d been necessary. 

He’d thought. Or maybe because of Ren--

Don’t think of Ren right now.

“We are no longer military, Captain. If you have an issue with that, you may go. No one will stop you,” Hux told him at last.

  
Peavey studied the younger man. What he thought of what he saw, Hux could only guess. Injured, pathetic, useless as his father insisted, but at least he’d given the galaxy a fighting chance, little as it was. He tried to comfort himself with that fact, though he knew he was no hero. He knew Peavey saw the weakling old men always saw.

And finally, Peavey spoke.

“All the same, sir, I’d like to stay with the Finalizer.”

It wasn’t a concession to Hux; it wasn’t an overture of--if not friendship or camaraderie--at least trust. It was simply an admission that Peavey also didn’t know what to do now. It was how Hux himself felt--how they all must feel, he thought.

He was not ready for this. Not yet.

He felt a large hand squeeze his shoulder.

Oh--but he wasn’t alone. They were all in this together. They’d decided.

This was the first time Hux understood what community meant.

He smiled. It shocked Peavey.

  
“Well, then,” Hux told him and clapped his shoulder, “we’ll have to figure out what to do next, won’t we?”


	4. If I'm Going to Get Back to You Someday, I'll Need Your Light

What to do next wasn’t easy.

He’d gathered his officers together, and seniority was nearly thrown out an airlock. Peavey was one of the oldest on board, and the younger officers either resented him or refused to think he could have a good idea. And he disdained the younger officers and thought them naive. How any of them managed to cooperate was a miracle, now that the Order had collapsed.

And yet, because Mitaka extended a hand to the old man, things were going shockingly well.

Everything was reorganized, from nearly the top down. The troopers now were considered citizens in their own right in this mobile city. For that was what they were now, with Hux at the head.

He laughed despondently at all of this. He’d always wanted to rule, to create order for the peoples of the galaxy, to bring peace and prosperity for the forgotten Outer Rim planets. And he never would now.

But, here, on the Finalizer, he had realized a microcosm of his dream. 

What a tricky thing was fate.

After the better part of a year, hacking into First Order accounts and draining the coffers for his people, the denizens of the Finalizer were doing fairly.

His worries of failure, of his people reliving the miserable days of the Empire’s collapse, were for naught.

Though the Finalizer functioned quite well in its own insular existence, it had precious little contact with outsiders. How much longer that could feasibly be the case, Hux and his cabinet didn’t know. Eventually, they’d need to open the gates. And he didn’t want to resort to the underworld. Those connections now were tenuous. And these people deserved better. He wondered if they could settle somewhere, start over, the lot of them. Or separate, though that idea depressed him.

He rather liked the idea of all of these young people (and Peavey) struggling together to make something new, something nearing good without old men burdening them with old men ideals and old men wars.

They all needed to be done with old men who thought only old men were right and worthy. The same old men who lost an empire, tormented them all, told them they were wrong and must obey.

He could have been that. Could have stayed that.

Old men made him into a monster. Made all of these good people into monsters. He was glad all the old men (except Peavey) were dead and gone, could no longer dictate his life, all their lives, into the ground.

It had been difficult with the troopers too. Some of them were angry, some were traumatized, and some attempted to retain their status quo.

Hux should never be forgiven for what he’d done to them, he knew. He ached with the knowledge of all he’d done.

But each of these people, unique and clever, had become so important to this community. Families had sprung up over the course of weeks. Days, even. Mitaka lived with ex-troopers. They had children on the way. Opan had taken a wife.

After a very brief dalliance with Hux himself, Valance had found someone.

Hux looked out the viewport in his chambers now, sipping the remains of his final bottle of whiskey. A fine, peaty 18-year vintage. He’d saved it for ages and was glad to be reunited with it. He watched the stars slowly pass him. He’d been so happy to come back to his rooms, glad Peavey had left them untouched.

And Millicent. She slept on his old blue couch, occasionally waking up to blink slowly at him. She’d been timid at first and then angry, howling her complaints at him for hours, before she climbed into his lap and allowed him to pet her.

He considered the few weeks with Valance.

After he’d healed, Valance continued to stay by his side. When his fellow knight wasn’t around, he’d touch Hux’s arm gently and call him by name. He’d woo him with kind words and little trinkets he made from spare parts. One of the little dolls, a small cat made of coils and small pieces of painted metal and bolts, sat on Hux’s desk; he couldn’t bear to part with it, even when he could bear to part with its maker.

Eventually, Hux, lonely and exhausted, gave in to Valance’s gentle pursuit. They never shared rooms, but the knight spent many an hour curled up with Hux.

Until Hux couldn’t take it anymore. Really, it was a mercy. He was fond of the knight, but he harbored no desire to either have a life with him or to torment Valance with his lack of commitment, and his inability to return his affections.

When Hux released him, a wounded Valance had raged, fled from the Finalizer for days, without contact, and only returned when Asher ordered him to do so. No amount of pleading from Hux had worked. she had to threaten him.

He obeyed. And avoided Hux for days on end, until they finally collided in a corridor. Hux happened to be with a young officer. He and Valance stared at each other until Hux introduced them.

He felt very good about this. They both were very happy. And it was satisfying when Force-users broke their vows of celibacy.

But he was lonely.

He spent more time with Asher, both of them lacking in sexual relations.

Rather, she never possessed interest. He had no one in whom he was interested.

And that had been the problem with Valance. As he’d known from the beginning. Nor would he have settled with Opan, even if Hux had responded receptively to the other man’s hints over the years.

No. Even after everything, after abuse atop abuse atop humiliation, Armitage Hux still only wanted one man.

And he’d only slept with Valance after learning that that one awful, miserable, wretched, loathsome man was dead.

It had been all over the holonet days after he’d returned to the Finalizer. He fled the conference room without so much as a by your leave, locked himself into his quarters, and screamed his anguish to the distant, indifferent stars. He lost himself in his grief, terrified his cat, and only roused himself when Valance tore into his rooms.

He’d grabbed Hux’s arms because his nails were bleeding from tearing at the floor; his palms were bruised, his wrists sprained. When the knight had grabbed him, Hux lashed out, until he realized who held him.

Valance.

A Knight of Ren.

So close to his own Ren.

And he’d kissed Valance.

Valance had kissed back, but, to his credit, only tended to his wounds and held him after that.

They wept together.

That is, Hux thought, the strongest bond I’ve ever had with someone. Mutual grief.

Now, Valance was happy, and he grieved alone.

Mostly.

Asher kept her grief, as everything else, to herself.

But she came and kept him company sometimes.

The first time after he gave up Valance, she said, “I’m not fucking you, sir.”

He replied, “I don’t want you to.”

“Good. I’ve no interest in sexual relations.”   
  


“I’ve no interest in women.”

She smiled, a rare sight, and laughed, even rarer. And then they played dejarik.

As he took another sip from his glass, he considered the taste on his tongue. Mild sweetness, peaty, earthy, perfect. The closest to the taste of Ren he could get.

And the set from which came the glass--cut amber-colored crystal. The decanter stood atop his desk, very nearly empty. It had a wide, squat, round base and a long, elegant neck. In the darkness of his room, lit only by starlight, it was the same color as Ren’s eyes, amber, darkened by the liquid inside it.

He swallowed the whiskey and let out a shaking breath.

A buzz at his door startled him.

He opened it. The old paranoia was receding. This shipful of people were family now.

How strange, he thought.

“Sir?” Asher called. He’d tried to tell her to call him by name, but she shrugged him off. They were friendly enough for her to refuse him, but she still called him sir.

“What is it, Ash?” he asked.

“We’ve--received a message from Kamino.”

“Kamino?” Curious, he thought, what could Kamino possibly want from them? It must be Final Order business. He exhaled in annoyance.

“Yes. They are requiring payment from us.”

“For what?” he asked in disbelief.

“I’m not certain, but it’s rather a large amount.” 

She showed him, and he laughed nervously.

“That’s absurd. We’ve no dealings with them!”

“But there’s something else,” she said.

She held out a datapad with a message from accounting.

Another thing he’d been learning: delegation. And trust. How strange for him.

The number of credits in the account for the ship was far greater than it should have been.

“Where did this come from?” he asked.

“We don’t know.”

He took the pad in his hand.

Something stirred in him. In his heart. It crawled its way into every inch of his body. It gnawed at his soul. He began to shake. A queer tingling at the base of his skull began to undo him. He suddenly wished to cry.

  
And he knew beyond doubt that he needed to go to Kamino. Why, he knew not. But he knew he couldn’t ignore this. This knowledge was as strong as what he felt the first time he saw Ren’s face long ago: I cannot look away. I cannot keep my hands off.  _ I need, I need, I need... _


	5. If We Ever Get Far Apart, I'll Still Feel the Pull of You

The Finalizer would have taken too long, limping as she still was. Those who could worked round the clock to fix her, with what supplies they could scrounge, and, after, with what supplies they could buy.

After.

After more money than every god in the galaxy possessed landed in their collective lap. 

Hux was still stunned, as he sat in Ren’s forgotten Upsilon, once again piloted by Asher. Hux ran his hand over the plush seat he’d designed for Ren. Every inch of this ship he’d designed just for Ren. A strange token of his affection, before they even realized there was affection. Hux recalled having the desire to really impress Ren. To turn his head. To make Ren notice him and see him. To see surprise and pleasure on Ren’s face and know he’d put them there. 

And then, once they’d boarded the Steadfast, Ren forgot about it. For months, the Upsilon had sat unused. As if Ren wanted to purge any connection he had with Armitage Hux from existence. Ren still used the Silencer, though, but that ship was the best light fighter in any fleet, no denying it. Even though Hux had designed that for Ren too. 

How much of his life had he given to Ren?

Too much. More than anyone or anything else had ever received, except the Order itself. Even that was debatable. Over the last six years, he’d given of himself inordinately to Ren. Deflecting Snoke’s ire for Ren. Searching for the droid for Ren, running the ship still single-handedly for Ren, even though they were supposed to command it together. Listening to Ren. Patching Ren up. Literally saving Ren. Pleasuring Ren. Giving Ren his heart. Sparing Ren when he knew he should kill him.

Staying with Ren, even after Batuu, even after the constant humiliation. 

Why Ren never let him go or kill him, Hux never really understood. For simple humiliation? Why Hux never left was easier to comprehend, though too galling a thing to admit.

Somehow, despite everything, he, Armitage Hux, who knew nothing of love, still felt something akin to love for Ren.

Even now. Even after Ren destroyed quite literally his entire life and had left him for dead.

For months now, Hux had distracted himself from thoughts of Ren. But, since Kamino had contacted the Finalizer, all he could think about was fucking Ren.

He thought he was going mad. Again.

And so, leaving his ship and his cat in the capable hands of Peavey, Opan, and Mitaka, leaving the staff in the hands of Unamo and a former-trooper, he and his knights left for Kamino.

It could be a trap. His knights could get them through it. If not, well, were he caught, everyone else would be fine. Even though his people seemed to feel otherwise, Hux knew he was nothing. The last few months had only solidified that fact in his heart.

No one really needed him. They only thought they did. They’d realize, without his presence reminding them daily of a disintegrated hierarchy, they could all handle themselves just fine…

“Hey, stop that,” Valance said.

“Hmm?”

Valance took his hand. It was a friendly gesture. Hux almost missed the days when it was more intimate.

“You’re too important to us all to think like that. We need you, okay?” He squeezed Hu’s hand gently. “We need you because we care. You’re one of us, yeah?”

“Family,” Asher said, turning briefly to fix a stern gaze upon Hux.

“Family,” he repeated noncommittally. He wasn’t certain he wanted the commitment. On their part or his. He’d failed so much in two years, he couldn’t trust himself. He’d never trusted anyone but himself after Sloane left him. Like everyone else.

Like Ren.

His chest felt tight. He had trouble breathing. He didn’t know why; but the closer the three of them got to Kamino, the more anxious he felt. He wanted to be ill. He clutched at the arm of his seat and squeezed Valance’s hand too tightly.

“Armitage, stop,” Valance ordered him. The knight squatted before Hux’s seat and took his master’s face in his hands. “We are not leaving you. We are never leaving you. We all love you. If no one else has told you that, they were fools. Anyone on the Finalizer would die for you. Even Peavey, at this point. We are a big, very unwieldy family, and you’re like--”

“Our weirdly young patriarch,” Asher finished.

“Yes. Exactly. Whatever is going on, we’re with you. We’ll go back home, and you can grow old with our weird, big family. Yeah?”

Hux nodded. His eyes stung. He knew they believed this, beyond doubting; everyone seemed to buy it.

He couldn’t.

Even when they proved to him time and again over the months, each person he met on the ship, that they were all united, he couldn’t believe it. He was the exception. One day they would all realize that and send him away. They’d realize he was useless and terrible and unworthy.

Everyone else always had; why should this new community be different?

“Stop,” Valance said again, “or I will put you to sleep.”

Hux stiffened. “You will no such thing, with those Force powers.”

Valance smiled at his anger. “Good. Sometimes they only way to make you stop is to piss you off.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “Satisfied?”

“Yes,” Valance said. He stood and ruffled Hux’s hair affectionately. “We’re nearly there. Gird up your loins.”

Hu rose to look out the viewport. 

The planet loomed blue and gray before them. He’d never been here, but he remembered learning that the Empire had shut down the clone facilities. What else was here now, he’d no clue. He sat back down and waited to land.

  
  


**

  
  


Hux stood between his knights. The rain lashed at his poncho and caught in his lashes.

The weather reminded him of Arkanis, but more intense. Kamino was even more wet and stormy, but there was no green. He stood on a platform at the edge of a city rising from the frantic waves on stilts. He felt as if the entire city would be dragged beneath the waves at any moment.

The trio approached a door in one of the domed gray buildings, and it opened.

Hux had never seen a Kaminoan before. Little mention of the planet was found in Imperial histories and no holos of its inhabitants. Because of Asher and Valance, Hux was far more accustomed to non-humans than he used to be, even considering how long he worked under Snoke. Aliens had never actually bothered him, but Snoke had always encouraged the party line: No xenos. Hypocritical and nonsensical, but he’d allowed it too. When he’d been with Valance, he’d felt guilty about his own complicity. He still did.

But this person greeting them now--this was something else.

Tall, pale, reed thin, the being reached out a delicate hand even whiter and more delicate than Hux’s own.

“Greetings. Welcome to Kamino, General Hux,” they said in Basic., though the voice sounded female. “I am Sula Do. I run these facilities, though we appreciate your discretion. Our work is largely frowned upon outside Kamino. Our work is sought by those who wish to remain--”

“Anonymous?” he supplied.

“Indeed,” they replied.

He shook their hand. The fingers were long enough to engulf his own. Like Ren’s could, but he pushed that thought from his mind. The skin was dry and cool and marble smooth. He looked into their large black eyes, similar to Valance’s, but for the enormity, and the large white irises.

“Come, enter,” Sula Do told him.

He followed, Asher and Valance silent beside him. The door slipped shut behind them as they entered a long, bright white corridor.

“Our facilities are quite large, but I think you would prefer to skip the tour and get down to business?”

“Indeed, if that suits?”

“It does. We’ve no use for these, and we’d like to clear out the lab. Since they’ve been left in your charge, we thought we obviously should give you the option to take or dispose of them.”

“What exactly?” Hux asked.

“The clones, of course,” Sula Do answered.

“Yes, but I’ve no idea who these clones are, or who they belonged to previously. I know nothing about them.”

“Oh dear,” they fretted. “We’d assumed--of course, you will not need to pay in full then, but we’ll require some compensation for the work. I do hope you understand.”

Asher and Valance stepped closer. Her nictating lids flashed quickly over her eyeballs as her brow furrowed.

“I don’t actually have any clue as to what you’re talking about, Sula Do. Whose clones do you have?”

Sula Do paused before a gray door in a white hall. They pressed their palms to a screen beside it, and the door slid open. They stepped aside and gestured for Hux to enter. Valance held him back a moment as Asher stepped inside first.

The moment she did so, lights came on, bathing the entire lab in almost painful brightness, after the stormy gray of outside. As he blinked his startled eyes, he heard Asher gasp and say something in her guttural tongue.

Valance got in front of Hux.

“What is it, Ash?” he called.

“Oh stars,” she murmured.

Hux pushed at Valance to enter the room. As he entered behind the knight, he saw Asher on her knees, hands at her mouth. This frightened him; and then, when he saw the reason, he understood, without relief, her shock.

Valance uttered a sob.

And Hux? He said nothing. Only gazed around himself in astonishment, in dismay.

The room was small, cramped. In the middle was a bank of computers. Around the edges were perhaps a dozen tanks. In perhaps half of these tanks was a familiar form.

Eyes closed.

Dark hair waving gently about its familiar face, in each tank.

A familiar, naked body, but with no scars, fewer moles, fewer freckles.

Ren.

Half a dozen nearly perfect simulacra of Kylo Ren.

No, perhaps Ben Solo, so untarnished was the skin.

He stared, eyes abulge, studying each one in turn.

“Armitage? Hush, it’s okay,” Valance said.

Hus didn’t realize he’d said anything.

Oh. He wasn’t speaking.

He was wailing.

Valance reached for him, but Hux covered his face and continued to make what he found to be the ugliest sound he’d ever heard.

Six Rens, sent to torment him.

He stumbled from the room, back into the hall, and, folding into himself, his body racked with sobs and horrid yowlings, he couldn’t tell if he were terrified or heartbroken. Or, if terrified--whether it was of Ren’s cruelty, the existence to no end of so many of Ren--

Or whether he was terrified that he would take them all and keep them, because, in spite of everything, he somehow missed Ren so very much.

He stood there for seconds, hours, who knew, sobbing, before he began to hyperventilate. 

This, then, was why he felt anxious about coming to Kamino.

He wasn’t ready for this.

Would never be.

Should he enliven the Rens and keep them? Or kill them for all the devastation he’d suffered at Ren’s hands?

What would Ren make of him now; now, just when he’d found some semblance of happiness, of peace, for once in his miserable, misbegotten life? Why would Ren never leave him be?

He clutched at his chest and wept and fought to breathe.

He collapsed into Valance’s waiting arms.

Then all the white went black.


	6. Let Me Think, Let Me Figure It Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My wife came up with the solution for what Hux should do with all the Rens. That's too many Rens!

“Hux. Wake up. If I’d known, I--Hux…”

His eyes were shut, he knew: he could feel his lashes tangled together, his lids squeezed together. His head felt full; a low hum unnerved the back of his mind.

The Force.

But this didn’t feel like Valance. He’d never had Asher use the Force on him, as far as he knew. Suddenly, he realized this felt so familiar, though he hadn’t felt it for the better part of a year.

His eyes snapped open.

“Ren?” 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, we’re here,” a voice said, and a hand stroked his hair.

“Ren?”

“Yeah, the clones are all him,” the voice said. “We can just leave them, if you want.”

He realized the voice wasn’t Ren. Of course, Ren was gone. He could hardly admit Ren was dead, but he was at least gone. Slowly, he became aware, in his addled mind, that he was in a bed, firm and smelling of sterility, as in a medical suite. Valance sat beside him, patting his bed-mussed hair.

This, though not felt for weeks and weeks now, felt too familiar. Hux flushed and pulled away. He had no wish to recall his intimacies with Valance right now. Not with six Ren bodies so close by.

**“** I’m fine, he insisted. “What happened?”

“You were having a panic attack, sir,” Asher murmured. Her voice sounded hoarse to his ears. He looked at her properly. Her mouth curved down firmly, and here eyes were red.

She’d been crying.

He studied Valance. He looked wounded, but his eyes were clear. If Asher and Hux were falling apart, he’d hold it together.

At least, he wasn’t alone in his trauma. Though he felt uncharitable at the thought, he was relieved that Ren had also hurt them badly. Strength in numbers, he supposed, in a twisted way.

“I’m sorry, Armitage. I--I used the Force on you,” Valance said. “I panicked because you panicked--I knew you’d hate that, but I--” He shrugged.

Hux took his hand and squeezed it.

“It’s all right. I feel a bit better, actually. Just,” he said firmly, “don’t do that again, right?”

Valance sagged in relief, nodded.

“So. Six Rens,” Hux managed to say. It hurt, burning his tongue just saying the name of someone he thought he’d never see again.

“What do you want to do, sir?” Asher asked.

Hux stared at her, eyes widening. He covered his mouth as he gave her only a shaky sigh in response. 

“It’s okay,” Valance said hurriedly.

Hux didn’t want to panic them again, but he really wished that they would decide rather than acquiescing to him. He needed a reprieve from decisions. All the ones he’d been making for so long had proven terrible.

The knights both looked at him.

He was spiraling again. Right. Pull it together Hux, he told himself.

“I’m not certain,” he said.

“Sula Do will give us some time to decide, but we cannot impose upon their hospitality for long. This is strictly professional sympathy,” Asher said.

Hu nodded. He liked Asher showing her authoritative nature. Sometimes, it relaxed him when she sorted messes out.

Were he smarter, he’d have stayed with Valance and have had her as a sister. At least, they were a funny sort of found family. But he wanted this erstwhile sister to decide for him. He couldn’t. Didn’t want to.

He stared at his lap.

Destroy them? he thought.

Destroy Ren again, six times over? No, that was cruel, too cruel to bear. He couldn’t lose Ren six more times. Nor could he ask Asher and Valance to suffer so miserably. Leave them here, for the Kaminoans to use? But they’d no use for them, surely. They told Hux the Rens were his responsibility.

As usual. Kylo Ren always had been.

Take them and bring them the misery that their forebear had brought to Hux? Torture each one deliciously, beat them, interrogate them, bind them and fuck them whenever he wanted?

No. He wouldn’t stoop to that. Clones they may be, but he’d never stoop to the horrendous levels his father or Pryde or other men like them stooped. He was all too familiar with how badly officers could behave to their subordinates.

And so, torture was out. What had the clones ever done to him?

“It’s not their fault they look like Ren,” Hux said. “But will they act like him?”

Asher shrugged. “To an extent? But clones can become different people. At least, according to all I’ve read of the wars.”

“So,” Valance said slowly, “do we keep them?”

“Perhaps. But let me think on this,” Hux said. “I need to think. Please.” 

Valance nodded and stood.

“Comm us when you’re ready,” he said.

  
  


**

  
  


He left them to Sula Do for a few hours, much to their dismay. After the first hour, Valance commed him, but he ignored it. After the third hour, he responded simply, “Not yet,” and they’d stopped. He knew not how much more time slipped by as he shifted in the bed.

For a while, he’d simply stared at the ceiling, the pristine solid white of it, and imagined floating through it, outside into the cacophonous union of sea and storm; through the clouds to the atmosphere, until he left this galaxy altogether. Perhaps he’d perish and find Ren in the Force and demand of him why he’d betrayed Hux, why he’d left him at the mercy of old abusers, why he’d left Hux copies of himself. What a cruel joke his life had become! Just when things were going well, Ren showed up again.

Then he’d cried.

How many more times would he weep because of Ren? How had he let Ren have that much power over him?

After he’d wept his eyes swollen and red, and his nose couldn’t inhale anything but tear-induced snot, he began to think. Every possibility, every scenario, every torment. He parsed through the results of each option, the feelings those might provoke. He sat up, head in hand, weighing the pros and cons, and realized he felt almost normal. He was weighing and reasoning, considering emotions for once, and eventually came to the conclusion that he found satisfactory for Asher and Valance.

For himself, who knew? He doubted it, honestly.

Finally, he commed Asher and Valance. They answered, relieved.

Twenty minutes later, they all stood in the lab. Sula Do sat at the computers. Hux hadn’t shared his decision yet, not with anyone. He was afraid if he did, he’d begin thinking of other solutions, ones crueler to the Rens, and perhaps to Asher and Valance. This choice might kill him in the end, but he’d not thought of it anymore since he’d decided. He’d quietly made the bed, taken himself to the fresher to wash his face and drink the surprisingly good water. Then he’d gone to the door to meet Sula Do.

Now, they awaited his decision.

“There is a fee,” they told him now, “if you wish for us to dispose of the clones.”

“No, I do not wish to dispose of them.”

Asher looked at Valance. He raised his brows at his sister knight.

“I wish to take them with us. We will pay the full price for the full service. We received a large sum, I suspect, specifically for that purpose.” he said.

He heard a gruff sob, turned to find Asher with an arm over her eyes.

“Was that the wrong choice?” he asked.

She shook her head, shrugged, hiccupped.

“I’ve decided that these six clones will join you as Knights of Ren,” Hux said. “Is that suitable? Since you two are the last.”

Now Valance wiped tears from his eyes.

“Or is that too cruel?” Hux asked gently.

Valance put an arm around Asher. She sniffed and looked at Hux.

“Forgive my lack of decorum,” she said. “We would be honored by this gift of brothers. We will be certain they will have a better life than our master.”

Hux nodded and gave her a small smile.

“You both loved him too.”

“Even when it was nearly impossible,” Valance replied.

“Well, then,” Sula Do said. “We will accept your payment and prepare these children for their new life with you.”

They sounded fond, as if each clone were their specially crafted child. Perhaps that was the case. A strange, alien smile crossed their narrow face as they gazed upon the six Rens, and began the protocols to awaken them.

  
  


**

  
  


Normally, any clones from Kamino would already have some idea of their purpose when they awakened, but not the Rens. They each had a scant recollection of their predecessor’s life, but, perhaps purposely, Ren had left them mostly blank slates.

He’d only taken one, if indeed it had been Ren who had commissioned them.

What had happened to the one missing clone, Sula Do did not know. It had simply been paid for and sent off to some moon of Endor.

Nevertheless, now Hux had six more people for which to care. Sort of people.

The First Order disdained clones too, as well as non-humans.

Well, whatever was left of the First Order in the galaxy was no longer his responsibility.

But the Rens, they were.

Each one rose to his feet and huddled in confusion, sodden and freezing in the little lab. Sula Do’s people covered them in robes in a perfunctory manner before Sula Do rose from the computer and addressed them gently.

Each Ren stared at her with cautious, familiar eyes.

“You are awake. You now belong to this human, Armitage Hux. He has taken responsibility for you, so you must be good for him.”

They spoke to the Rens as if they all were small children. The Rens turned as one to regard him, and it hurt far too much. A dozen eyes giving him the same suspicious, considering look Ren had given him the first time Hux had seen his face. They were each still so beautiful, but they paled in comparison to the original, even with his scars.

“An interesting-looking human,” Sula Do said. “We took the liberty of correcting a few flaws.”

They beckoned one Ren forward and bade him to lower his robe. He shrugged it off to the waist. Yes, the scars were missing, but so were the endearing freckles and moles. A few were placed in a way Hux assumed the Kaminoans found aesthetically pleasing. The body was more solid, the muscles more defined than the real Ren’s body, lacking the lush softness of the original. He looked at the Ren’s face.

His eyes smarted as he realized the Kamioans had aligned Ren’s face more proportionally. His crooked jaw was even, his nose, perfectly straight, everything centered.

“Though the Empire officially closed our laboratories, we managed to advance our technology in secret,” Sula Do said proudly.

They were lovely; they were perfect.

Hux loathed the sight of them.

When he turned away shuddering, the Ren whimpered.

“What? Have I displeased you?” the Ren asked.

That voice was the same. It broke Hux's heart.

“No, no. I’m simply overwhelmed,” Hux replied, casting a wary glance over his shoulder. “As you must be, I’m sure.”

Sula Do gestured for the Ren to step back.

“Yes, very unique. You, however, are almost appealing for a human. You match our aesthetic well. Should you ever need a clone of yourself, I’d be happy to assist you.”

“No!” Hux exclaimed. “No, forgive me, I’ve no need of a clone. These are more than enough.”

“Very well,” they said. “Now, as for payment--”

“Let’s finalize it all now, and then we shall take our leave, as soon as these...these are ready,” Hux replied with a gesture to the Rens.

He paid, as he promised, in full. Since the Kaminoans didn’t have time to adjust the Rens to their new waking life, they gave Hux a slight discount. He noted with pleasure that the Finalizer funds were still inordinately massive. From whence those came he didn’t know, nor would he fret about it. The credits were there, so he wouldn’t look a gift tauntaun in the mouth.

Asher remained quiet as the transaction occurred. More strangely, so did Valance.

The two knights watched the nervously huddling, newly clothed Rens as they whispered to each other in Ren’s voice.

Hux couldn’t abide looking at them.

When he and Sula Do were finished, he bid them farewell and approached his two knights. 

“I cannot look at them,” he whispered.

“It is too much, too strange,” Valance murmured back, his head leaning close to Hux’s.

Asher regarded her gloved hands.

“What should we do?” she asked.

She worried him. He’d never seen her like this.

“Get them helms. I do not wish to see Ren’s face on men who only look enough like him that it’s cruel,” Hux said.

“It isn’t their fault,” Valance said defensively.

“I know. But I also know I’m not ready for that yet. Understand?” Hux tried to speak gently, but he still sounded agitated to his own ears.

“Yes, sorry, forgive me, Armitage.” Valance’s voice was contrite and mournful.

Hux put a hand on his shoulder in reassurance.

“So,” he began again. “Provide them with helms, and we’ll find clothes for them. And then, I suppose, you see what they know and train them?”

“Yes,” Asher said.

“Asher,” Hux said firmly, facing her to grab her shoulders, “you are their master now. You are the master of the new Knights of Ren.” He looked at Valance. “Do you agree?”

“Yes, sister, I do. I will help you, in any way, but you lead us now,” her brother told her.

She exhaled slowly.

“You two will train them and keep them covered anytime they’re in my presence. You should probably name them too. But these are your knights now, Asher, in service to our family. Which, I suppose,” Hux gulped, “makes them family too.”

She nodded. “Thank you, sir,” she said quietly.

“For what? Giving you a bigger headache?”

“For your trust and recognition.”

Her emotion disturbed him. He regretted not realizing how she too had suffered through this.

“Let’s get them home,” he said gently.

She nodded. He watched as she gathered the Rens and led them to the Upsilon.

Once aboard, he locked himself in Ren’s bunk, because he couldn’t bear the faulty copies of Ren’s perfect beauty.


	7. I'm Not Holding Out For You

When they returned to the Finalizer, Asher immediately retreated with the new Rens.

Hux silently returned to his rooms. He made sure to check in with Peavey, and Mitaka for good measure, but he had no desire to see anyone else. He messaged them and called it good. If either thought it peculiar that he had no updates, they said nothing.

Good.

Not that Hux needed to be in his head anymore than he already was, but he was too disturbed to be able to converse with anyone else.

He stripped off his uniform. Wearing it gave him some small comfort, especially if he left the Finalizer. Even if the uniform was now rendered pointless. Most of the other officers wore them on the bridge. Only the stormtroopers--former troopers, Hux reminded himself--had forgone wearing their prescribed apparel. He supposed, in order to be perfectly equitable, everyone would need to change to civilian clothes.

But he needed this uniform. It was his armor against the world. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t be comfortable without it. The very tenuous symbol of his brief foray into power and at least the illusion of safety.

Actually, he supposed the knights still wore some semblance of their position. Asher did, if not Valance. And the new Rens would, since he required them helmeted.

Clones, he thought. Not that the Order ever trafficked in cloning--Palpatine didn’t count; he wasn’t First Order. But like xenos, clones were considered less than. Human, perhaps, but not fully recognized as sentient individuals with agency. Not that anyone in the Order possessed even a modicum of agency, not really. He’d had a quite a lot of time to think about this.

He hadn’t even been allowed the one person he’d ever loved.

And now he had six extraneous copies at hand.

He ran his hand through his hair, and it came back slightly sticky from his gel.

Along with his uniform, he had also maintained his severe hairstyle.

Frowning, he headed to the fresher. Millicent followed him, meowing dolefully. He smiled down at her.

“I’ve had a wretched day, girl, and I’ve missed you too. Terribly.”

He bent over to stroke down her back and gave a gentle pull as he swiped up her tail. She blinked and meowed in reply.

She sat on the toilet as he showered. He required a hot water shower tonight. He chatted inconsequentially to her about the planet and how the Finalizer was doing.

“And how was your day?” he asked once he’d rinsed his hair.

“Mrrr,” she told him.

“Really? Well, you might as well know that we’ve had to purchase, Millicent. And not adorable clones of you either. If only,” he chuckled.

She twitched her ears and watched him, patiently waiting for him to continue.

He paused. Standing under the water, he turned to program the temperature until it was nearly scalding him, as if he could cleanse himself of all his anxiety, all of his fear, all of his despair. He dropped his arm, and, motionless, let the water burn his skin until, after a few moments, it was red and stinging.

With a sob, he crouched to the floor and huddled into himself until the hot water ran out. Then he froze, uncaring, making no move to turn off the water. He hid his head in his arms and tried futilely to prevent his tears from falling.

Ren had caused him enough grief.

No more. No more.

Millicent reached over to the stall door to paw at it disconsolately. She meowed loudly at him. When he didn’t respond, she jumped from the toilet seat and paced the floor, pausing now and then to meow and push at the door.

How long he remained on the floor of his shower sobbing he didn’t know, but eventually his water ceased. His ration had run out. He raised his head and reached up to turn off the shower. He stood and walked to the mirror, still covered in condensation, wiped it to stare at himself.

Pale; red, swollen eyes; his face drawn, and mouth turned down. He looked every bit as miserable as he felt.

Without bothering to dry off, he slumped to his couch and sprawled on it, hand over his eyes. Millicent followed him. She laid a paw on his skin but pulled away when she realized how wet he was. She huffed in annoyance and jumped to the other end of the couch.

Six new Rens. So similar, but without the original’s odd face. Too perfect to be as truly exquisite as Kylo Ren had been. And yet. Could he not pretend? Could he not ask them to pleasure him? He was their master after all.

No. The thought disgusted him.

And yet, he was so lonely. So starved for touch, for affection--a thing he barely comprehended, hadn’t known he’d needed, until Kylo fucking Ren.

Ren made him weak and needy. Ren ruined his ability to be alone. Hux should have always been alone. It was easier, more efficient.

And now he had six of Ren.

He took a shuddering breath.

Six Rens. How would six Rens feel against him, twelve hands touching his skin. Six mouths, six sets of teeth and lips. Six cocks. The combinations were actually a little distracting. A little delicious. He could watch. He could order. He could touch and be touched. Fuck and be fucked.

His head dropped against the back of his couch. He spread his legs and took himself in hand.

It had been ages since he’d fucked. Ages since he’d bothered to wank.

He inhaled and squeezed his shaft. He began to stroke himself, whimpering, imagining Ren’s full lips on him, his mouth at his balls. With his other hand, he squeezed his scrotum gently, opened his mouth. He brought two fingers to his mouth and sucked and slobbered, until they were sufficiently wet enough to press into his hole. He didn’t care about the sting, the strain. He lifted his feet to the cushion and sunk down, legs wide, for easier access.

He paid no attention as Millicent left and went to the kitchenette in annoyance at his awkward display.

He slowly pumped his fingers into himself and ran his hand up and down his torso, pausing to pinch a hardening nipple. He moaned as he grasped his cock again.

He imagined a Ren at his back, holding him, and another touching him possessively. His grip hardened, and he moaned. then he got going, fingers pumping, hand sliding over himself, squeezing just so, pulling at the head. How long he went, he couldn’t guess, but it seemed to take so long. Even imagining Rens couldn’t get him off fast enough.

He whimpered softly, “Ren--” before conceding to himself and imagining Ren, his Ren, touching him, kissing him; he almost thought he could feel Ren’s tongue, his lips, his hands on him. Then he came quickly and cried out as it hit his chest and against his chin. He fell to the side and sprawled, feeling so very ashamed.

He pulled his fingers from his ass and sucked on them. Shame-faced, he swept his jizz up on his fingers and licked them clean.

“Ren, Ren, Ren--” he chanted softly.

Then he curled up, shivering but unable to make himself move, and murmured to a non-existent man, weeks dead, who had probably never loved him anyway.

After awhile, Millicent, in her feline concern, returned and curled up on his hip, purring in the perfect frequency to try to make her father feel better.

  
  


**

  
  


The next cycle, as he approached the bridge, Asher fell into step beside him.

Hux still attempted to keep some semblance of order in the running of his ship. Thus far, the Finalizer had encountered precious few other ships, unless they met for trade. Despite the First Order’s loss, few people wanted to tangle with a star destroyer. And they’d been lucky enough to avoid the Resistance so far.

Touch wood.

He huffed at himself for thinking of that old superstition. One of the few things he could recall of Arkanis.

He spared a look for Asher.

“Sir, we need six masks. I cannot coop those children up forever,” she said.

“Where did you get yours?”

“I’m afraid it is no easy task to have that done. We’ll need them now. I'm not sure the old mask maker could do it now. And I want them all the same.”

“Why, when you were all different before?”

She hummed. “So you never know if you’re looking at Rens or Valance. They are all of a size.”

“I don’t want them--”

“Please, sir. I’d feel better if you have all of us watching you. You’re safer, and we’re spread less thin.”

Hux stiffened.

“You won’t know, unless you talk to them,” she insisted. “Please, Armitage.”

“Fine. For now, retrofit some trooper helmets.”

“Thank you, sir.”

She nodded and excused herself.

And the next day, Hux found himself accompanied by a large, silent man in a mask.

But, the thing was, he could tell. He was familiar with Valance’s body. Not in months, but they’d been intimate. And he knew Ren’s better than he knew his own, so intently enamored of Ren’s lush physique was he. For so long, even after they’d stopped fucking.

Having a facsimile of Ren’s body was torture. As if the universe hadn’t already treated him cruelly enough already!

He treated the knight coldly, remaining aloof and rigid throughout the day as the knight followed him around. No words were exchanged between the two, but Hux felt--not guilty--yet somehow beholden to the knight. None of this shitshow was his fault, or his brothers’. It was all the miserable work of the original Ren.

But Hux couldn’t bring himself to condone their existence. He allowed them on his ship. He would ensure their survival. He would not prevent them from seeking happiness and fulfillment.

Hurting them wouldn’t bring him satisfaction. They were not the man who had destroyed him.

He reminded himself of this every day.

Each day, a presumably new Ren would join Hux on his rounds, from the moment he stepped from his quarters until the time he returned. Presumably, they guarded his door whilst he slept, though Hux had never felt so safe on the Finalizer as he did now. Sometimes Asher followed him, and they’d chat; sometimes, he knew it was Valance. But the latter would try not to speak, even though Hux knew beyond doubt when Valance was with him. He could tell from the body language, the telltale way he leaned his head close if Hux gave an order. From the kriffing scent. Valance was not Ren, could never be Ren, but Hux had a fondness for him, an eternal affection that would probably always remain.

After all, the knight had been with him at his lowest and had never been anything but gentle, reassuring. 

Sometimes, he missed that. Or, rather, that he’d been lucky enough to have it when he needed it. But to keep Valance would have been cruel. He couldn’t stomach being cruel anymore.

Why the karking hell couldn’t he have better taste in men?

One day, it was one of the clones. Day after day, he ignored their presence. It had been weeks. Again. His life was broken up, always, by hours, days, an eternity marked by Kylo Ren. He’d thought masking them would help, would be safe. But he was learning how to catalogue even the Rens, for they all had slightly different mannerisms, walks; even scents, though each scent reminded him of different facets of the original: the musk, the cinder, the ozone, the salty sweat, the freshly showered, the freshly bloodied. His nose was constantly assaulted by the memory of Ren, and it might have driven him a little more mad.

But this clone smelled like Ren fresh from bed, an innocent waking before the day went to shit. His favorite scent in the morning, because it meant everything, for a few moments, was good. Hux could pretend that it would remain good, that they were just two men in love.

But they weren’t.

He always knew he was one man in love.

And so, on this day, he cracked.

“Tell me, Ren, what is your name?”

The knight stiffened, remained silent. 

“You may answer, please. I’m tired of the silence,” Hux sighed.

“If it please you, sir,” the knight said respectfully, but in Ren’s voice. “Asher named me Lan Ren.”

“Lan? May I call you that?”

“Please sir, yes. I’d be happy if you did.”

Just like Kylo Ren, Lan Ren was so eager to please. Probably also eager to obey, to be praised. Something unfortunate stirred in Hux’s gut.

“Do you enjoy your service, Lan?”

“Yes, very much, sir. I’m happy to serve you.”

Hux paused. It was the end of the day. They were at his door, and he felt he might do something regrettable.

“Why?” Hux asked.

“Because you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’ve wanted to please you since the day you spoke to me on Kamino. Sir.”

Oh, he remembered the tears in eyes just like Kylo Ren’s. The softness in them as they regarded him.

The tremulous voice asking, “Have I displeased you?”

Kylo Ren had often displeased him. Lan was a better version.

Hux knew that was a terrible thing to think, but he thought it anyway.

He took a deep breath and opened his door. Lan Ren sagged a bit at the apparent dismissal, now he’d bared his heart.

But Hux had another terrible idea. 

He turned in the doorway.

He was so lonely, he justified to himself, and Lan wanted to please him, thought he was beautiful. He blinked rapidly, willing himself not to cry.

He did not weep. Instead, he leaned against the doorframe and took a deep breath, inhaling Lan’s scent. He held out a beckoning hand.

“Come in then, Lan,” he said. “Take off your mask and let me see your face.”


	8. In My Mind I Am in Your Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, uh, I meant to further the plot, and this sort of does in a very roundabout, sexual way. But, you know, sometimes characters just want to have sex. So you have to let them. Even if you meant for them to do other things too.

Lan was so warm.

Not in the feverish way Ren had been, scalding to the touch in a way that equally aroused Hux and burned through him like a fire. Decimating, not cleansing.

No, Lan was a gentle warmth against Hux’s skin. Enveloping, comforting. Hux tried to convince himself he preferred this warmth. The best he could do was resign himself to realizing that nothing would be Ren ever again. Ren was gone. What they had was incendiary and infuriating and amazing.

This was different, but it could still be amazing.

Certainly, Hux had no complaints so far, if he could just tell himself, “Fuck Ren.”

Lan looked up from between his thighs.

“Armitage, don’t think about that. Does this feel good?” he murmured.

“Yes,” Hux breathed.

“Then think about that,” Lan told him and smiled wolfishly.

This boy was a quick study in pleasure. No, Hux couldn’t complain at all.

Of course, Lan had obeyed him. He entered Hux’s quarters tentatively. When Hux shut the door, Lan stood uncertainly before him, hands at his sides. He didn’t even fidget. Once in a while, Ren had managed that level of stillness. Ren was either disturbingly still or raging and flailing about himself. Hux remained motionless too, now unsure himself as to the wisdom of this venture.

At last he gestured. “Mask,” he said.

Slowly, Lan lifted his hands and removed his borrowed trooper helmet.

His eyes were questioning, his mouth open in vulnerability. As if he feared Hux would find fault.

“I know I don’t look quite right,” he whispered. “I’m sorry if my looks displease you.”

Hux’s brows rose, and he gave a soft, sorrowful moan. Of course, the knight could probably sense his unease, his displeasure at their rectified perfection.

“Oh, Lan,” he said quietly. “Forgive me. It isn’t your fault. You’re actually too perfect. Um. I should apologize to you.”

“You don’t like to apologize, do you?”

“No, I hate it. But sometimes even I realize it’s necessary.”

Holding his helmet before him in an awkward manner, Lan looked around Hux’s rooms. His eyes lit up.

“Cat,” he said, pointing.

He seemed childishly excited.

Hux didn’t know how much of Ren’s memories any of the clones possessed, but he assumed Lan didn’t know about Millicent.

“Yes,” he said. “Millicent. My baby.”

Lan said, “Millicent,” and dropped to one knee to hold a hand out to her.

As was her custom, she’d come to greet her human the moment he came through the door. Now, she stood stock still by the couch and eyed Lan warily.

“Hello, Millicent,” Lan said kindly.

She examined him a moment, weighing his worthiness. She cast a glance at Hux and then slowly approached Lan. She sniffed his hand and rubbed her head against it. Lan grinned in delight and began to pet her. She chirped and purred and then trotted to Hux for his approval.

“I believe she likes you. It usually takes longer.”

“Maybe she thinks I’m someone else,” Lan said pointedly.

“No. She’s much more clever about people than are most people. You’re much nicer.”

Lan hummed, almost in approval. Was he made to be kinder? Or was the kindness displayed so far natural? Was this some lost part of Ren that Lan somehow contained? Everything about his presence and presentation was so much gentler.

“Why did you invite me here?” Lan asked. He stood, moving to the sofa to put his helmet on it.

Hux followed to sit on the couch and began to fiddle with the hem of his uniform jacket. He was uncharacteristically silent and uncertain how to proceed.

“You are lonely. We make it worse,” Lan observed. “May I?” He indicated the couch.

Hux nodded to all of the above.

Lan sat beside him, not touching, not yet.

“I’ll do whatever you need. I’ll leave if you want. Or stay and talk. Just--please tell me what you need from me, sir.”

“I-I’m not sure,” Hux said, but he refused to meet Lan’s gaze.

Lan shifted and gently, cautiously, reached a hand to tip Hux’s head up to look at him.

“Forgive me, sir, for touching you. But I think you do know. You’re just not sure if it’s a good idea. That’s fine. Just talking to me is a big step.”

Hux pulled away, but not angrily. He was perplexed. “How are you a clone of Kylo Ren. You’re very different.”

Lan shrugged. “I’m his clone, but I’m not him.”

“Take off your gloves, please.”

“Okay?”

Lan obeyed with his brow furrowed.

As for Hux, even with Lan’s gloves on, that touch had sped his heart. It had made his desperation for touch flood his body. He craved more of it. From hands like Ren’s, even if they weren’t Ren’s.

“Touch me again, please,” Hux whispered.

Lan smiled. “Yes, sir.”

“Say my name.”

“Yes, Armitage.”

He’d let that slide. He was too needy to bother with being called that ridiculous name. Even if Lan said it like a benediction.

His hands were on Hux in an instant, stroking his jaw, running his knuckles over Hux’s cheekbones. When Lan ran a finger over the shell of his ear and then down his neck, Hux flinched, but the knight only pulled him into an embrace. His body against Hux’s felt so warm; his arms felt safer than Ren’s ever had. The large nose rubbed softly against his sideburn, and Hux shivered.

“Okay? Do you want--” Lan began.

“Sh. Kiss me,” Hux said.

“I’ve never--”

“It’s okay.”

He’d had Ren’s first kiss too, Ren’s first everything. He didn’t say it, but perhaps Lan knew. He caught Hux’s eye and took his face in his hands.

“You are with me, and I will do all you need to make you feel good. Tell me again. Tell me how. Show me.”

Hux leaned in and pulled Lan’s lips to his own. The knight gave a surprised yip, and Hux grinned against his lips. Lan smiled back.

Hux began gently, softly moving his lips against Lan’s, slowly maneuvering the knight into opening his mouth. When Hux flicked his tongue against Lan’s, the clone--the man sighed softly and pulled away.

“Wow. You taste so good. You’re a little sweet. Like candy,” Lan said.

Hux laughed. “There is very little about me that is sweet, Lan.”

“You taste sweet,” he insisted. “I like sweet. May I have more?”

Hux shook his head and chuckled. For a moment, Lan looked sad, as if he thought Hux were refusing him. So Hux pulled off his uniform tunic, watching Lan’s eyes widen in surprise as he did so. And then he climbed into Lan’s lap to straddle him.

“Let’s have a proper make out then, and see what transpires,” Hux said.

Lan’s arms wrapped around him.

“Not so tight,” Hux told him, but kindly.

He moved Lan’s left hand to his hip, the other to cup his face; then he leaned his chest against Lan’s and captured his lips again.

Lan stayed very still, except for his mouth, which he used very well. Hux nipped his lips and moaned happily when Lan followed suit. Hux’s hands sunk into Lan’s hair and pulled. He tipped his dark head into Hux’s hands, exposing his throat, and Hux went for it. He dipped his head and nibbled along Lan’s jaw, sucked at an ear, until the other man whimpered and shifted below him.

And yet Lan still didn’t move his hands.

Hux huffed a laugh.

“What?” Lan asked, panicked. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No! No, no, baby,” Hux said and smiled at him. Lan shuddered beneath him. “What,” he said, “do you like being called baby?”

“Y-yes, please, Armitage.”

“Well, baby,” Hux purred into his ear and licked it, eliciting another full-body shudder. “Take off your tunic.”

He rose and pulled off his own undershirt as Lan obeyed him quickly. Beneath, Lan also wore the midriff shirt Ren had always worn. Hux licked his lips. Lan was more of a hardbody, but he still pleased Hux. Hux watched him hungrily as he removed the midriff. Then Lan looked at Hux.

“Kriff,” Lan said. 

Hux raised his brows at Lan’s frank stare. His slim, pale chest was flushed pink, and he noticed his small nipples were hard. Lan looked enraptured. Had Ren ever looked at him like that?

Lan simply gazed at him.

“You’re lovely. Anyone would look at you like this,” he told Hux.

Now Hux shivered.

Lan’s desire was so plain.

Hux lunged at him, pressing their bodies together and knocking them both to the couch. His kisses were harder, more urgent, and he groaned loudly as Lan met his need with equal desire.

“Touch me, touch me,” Hux whispered.

“How? How?” Lan practically begged.

Hux cupped Lan’s breast and lowered his head to lick and nip softly at a nipple. Lan made a noise very different from Ren’s, and Hux happily pulled that nipple with his teeth. Lan’s hands were in his hair now, stroking. Hux leaned his head into those huge paws, that easily cupped the back of his head completely. He raised himself and arched his back, pulling Lan’s own head to his chest.

Lan took the hint and attended to Hux’s nipples with gusto. He licked and nipped and sucked a large bruise between Hux’s pectorals as Hux cried out. Hux moved one of Lan’s hands to touch his chest as Lan lavished adoration on him; the other hand he moved to his own ass, guiding Lan to squeeze. Lan obeyed very well and whined loudly, desperately, when Hux ground his hips into the knight's.

“What--” Lan began, but Hux stopped his mouth with a kiss and moved his hips again.

Lan’s erection was hard against his own.

He opened his own trousers and shoved Lan’s hand down the back as best he could. He needed more touch, more skin. Lan apparently did too, for he pulled Hux’s trousers and underwear down over his ass and grabbed each cheek in his hands to grope them.

“Soft, good,” Lan whimpered. “Lovely.”

And Lan clutched Hux’s ass and pulled him harder against his body.

“Fuck,” Hux said.

“Did I hurt you?”

“Not at all, baby. You feel so good,” Hux assured him sweetly, and worked his hips against Lan’s erection to emphasize that fact.

“Will you take these off, please?” Lan begged with a pull on Hux’s pants.

Hux backed off him awkwardly and turned around. He grinned over his shoulder at Lan--and then bent over to undo his boots and pull them off, and then his pants. His smile widened when he heard Lan groan behind him. And then he felt hands pulling him backwards, a nose pressed between his buttocks.

“Smells perfect,” Lan said.

And then licked.

Hux almost collapsed.

No one had done this since Ren. Long ago.

He cried out.

“I’m going to fall over, Lan,” he gasped.

The knight huffed a laugh against his arsehole and pulled him back to the couch.

“You like it?” he asked.

“Oh, stars, yes,” Hux whined.

“What do you want me to do, Armitage?” Lan asked huskily.

“Every fucking thing of which you can think,” Hux replied.

Lan picked him up. Hux threw his arms around his shoulders as he carried his master to what he rightly assumed was the bedroom.

Millicent was on the bed. She took one look at the two men and jumped off the bed huffily.

Lan placed Hux carefully on the bed. Hux rolled over to rifle in his nightstand for lube and condoms.

“You clean?” Lan asked.

Hux waved a condom at him. “Of course.”

“Well, I am too. You’re my first. I want you in me, or me in you.”

Hux thought this was a terrible idea. But tonight, he didn’t care. He put the condom away. Idiot, he thought.

“Well, strip then,” he ordered.

Lan hurriedly obeyed.

Hux reclined upon the bed like an emperor to watch. Once Lan was naked, Hux looked his body over appreciatively. That cock was still a delicacy.

“Come,” Hux said, holding out a hand imperiously.

Lan crawled onto the bed, and they pressed together, kissing and writhing, until Hux pulled away and bade Lan to lay down. Then he faced Lan’s feet and lowered his ass over the knight’s face. He immediately understood. Clever boy. In half a second, his tongue was at Hux’s ass again. Hux moaned and lowered himself, arching his back up so his ass rocked against Lan’s face. But then Lan’s cock was in his face, and he couldn’t resist. As he reached to take a taste, his ass pulled away from Lan; the knight whined and yanked him back.

“Fuck,” Hux said again. He squirmed under then knight’s ministrations until he couldn’t take anymore.

“I want to devour you,” he growled and crawled away, only to almost immediately shove his head all the way down Lan’s cock. He made sure he faced Lan, so that Lan could watch his long eyelashes flutter against his cheek; watch his lips stretch around his girth; observe the pleasure Hux took in sucking cock as his own ass was covered in slobber that ran down his thighs.

Lan was graceless, but he still had very good technique.

Now Hux would show Lan his own.

He licked up the shaft and nibbled at the head, circling it with his tongue, gently, softly, before swallowing Lan all the way, until his nose rested in the soft curls between Lan’s legs. He reached down to stroke and squeeze Lan’s balls. Then he grasped for the lube, found it without looking, and dribbled some into his hand. He lubed his fingers and gently, slowly, worked one into Lan. He carefully stroked around Lan’s hole, tickling, tapping, until he felt the knight begin to relax. Then he slipped in the tip of his finger.

Lan howled in pleasure. Hux didn’t even need to get as far as one finger into him. Between the new sensation in his ass and Hux’s soft heat around him, Lan lost control. He tried to motion for Hux to move; but he only smiled evilly, huge cock still down his throat, and drank down all Lan had to offer. Which was quite a bit. Hux pulled off and received a shot to his chest for good measure.

He licked his lips and smiled, very satisfied, down at a wrecked Lan.

Lan rolled his eyes too look at Hux. His eyes were sleepy and dazed, but he smiled back.

Hux wiped some come from his chest and licked off his fingers, keeping his gaze on Lan’s.

“Oh, kriff,” Lan croaked.

Hux grinned.

“Now, you taste good, Lan,” he said.

“You are unbelievable.”

“I’m rather ravenous when I actually do fuck,” Hux said, kneeling primly beside Lan, hands folded in his lap, his back arching to show off the lush curve of his rump just so, as it rested on his heels. Lan rolled onto his side so he could stroke this delight.

“What do you need now?” Lan asked. Even in his fucked-out state, his doe eyes gleamed excitedly.

“Now, if you please, I’d like to fuck you,” Hux answered.

  
  


**

  
  


Hux indeed fucked Lan, gently, until the knight begged for more. Lan laughed happily at the feeling of Hux’s spend slipping down his thighs, even more happily after Hux licked him clean. They touched each other and kissed for a long while afterward. 

Now the two lay entangled together. After Lan had tried his hand--incredibly, deliciously, successfully--at giving Hux head, he’d pulled Hux tightly against his chest. Hux curled into him, sated, exhausted, definitely knowing he’d be exhausted when his alarm sounded. He couldn’t bring himself to care though.

This felt almost right. Natural. In a way Valance never had. Because Lan was right, or because Ren had been, once, for him, he didn’t know.

As if Lan could sense Hux’s brain coming back online, he kissed his forehead and stroked his back.

“We should sleep,” Lan whispered.

Asher was going to kill him. Hux was fairly certain they were close enough now for her to be pissed at him for this.

“Should I leave?” Lan’s nervous query interrupted his thoughts.

“What?” Hux raised his heavy head a little, very little. “No, no! Please stay, baby.” He lowered his head to Lan’s chest and clutched at him desperately.

Lan sighed contentedly. He gave Hux’s shoulders a squeeze.

“As long as you’d like me to. Always,” Lan murmured and began to hum, just like Ren used to before he fell asleep. But Hux wasn’t thinking about Ren now. He was asleep, smiling in Lan’s arms. 

His lover.


	9. My Eyes Are Fallen...My Eyes Are Red

When he awakened, Hux could not bring himself to regret what had happened.

He’d never been much for regret. Sometimes he regretted Ren. He was learning to regret all he’d put the ex-stormtroopers through.

He did not regret Lan.

Facing Lan’s slumbering form, Hux nestled his head into his pillow to watch him. Hux could feel the smile on his face. Carefully, he reached over to trace a finger gently over the slope of his nose.

Lan mumbled but did not wake.

Hux rarely had feelings for people. He’d been learning how to trust and have affection for the better part of a year. Honestly, were it not for Ren, he’d have preferred to stay aloof, untouchable--but Ren opened up that locked box in his heart, and Hux had never quite recovered.

Apparently, when he had desire for a person, he caught feelings quickly.

Maybe that was Ren too.

But studying Lan now, he could easily see differences, just as he had the first time he’d seen the clones. Even more now. The skin was even, without the funny discoloration most people have. He had a mole by his left eye that hadn’t been there in the original His fingers were less blunt, more tapered, though still large and wide.

He enjoyed studying the knight. Eventually though, awakened apparently by Hux’s intense gaze, Lan turned his head to Hux.

“Good morning,” he said huskily.

Even his morning breath was gentle, a pleasant scent no normal person would have in a million years.

“Hello,” Hux murmured back with a smile.

Lan considered him for a second, his gaze so very earnest, and then rolled on top of Hux to pin him and kiss him. 

Hux turned his face away. “I’ve wretched morning breath, Lan.”

Lan shrugged. “I don’t care. I’d like to kiss you, please.”

Hux huffed and allowed it. But the kissing led to other things.

It had been ages since he’d been so happy. Even if that bliss was manufactured by fucked-out endorphins in his brain. With each kiss, each touch, Lan attempted to claim Hux for himself, and the former general was wont to allow him. Maybe Lan was on his way to burning Kylo Ren from Hux’s veins.

“Don’t think about him. I will be yours as long as you allow it,” Lan whispered against his cheek. Hux could feel the moisture from his breath on his sideburn as they clung to each other, and Hux screamed his name.

Lan smiled with no small amount of satisfaction.

So did Hux. It wasn’t Ren’s name he’d called.

They held each other and snuggled in a way that was new to Hux.

He rather liked this, though he was loathe to admit it.

And then his alarm sounded.

Hux groaned and rolled over to turn it off. He continued his roll out of the bed.

Rather than complaining, Lan followed him, and the two quickly had a sonic together. Lan continually touched him throughout his morning ablutions, and he delighted in it.

This was what he’d missed after Valance. But it wasn’t as awkward. He could never quite bring himself to reciprocate with Valance, but he kept leaning against Lan or pecking him on the lips. He very dearly wished to take this affection at face value, but he knew they’d have to have a frank discussion soon.

Not yet.

Right now, Hux just wanted to enjoy this. 

He was right on time as they opened his door and strode out into the hall together.

And ran into Asher. 

She was furious.

Well, Hux thought, I knew she would be.

“Lan,” she intoned, “you never came back to our rooms last night, so Chero came to get me. I’ve kept watch all night, which you’d know, were you not distracted. Go change and report to Valance in the training rooms.”

“Forgive me, master, I--”

Her gaze never left Hux’s, not even as she gestured dismissively. Though obviously angry, her voice was even, her face emotionless.

But before he left, Lan looked at her pointedly and then kissed Hux quickly on the lips. He leaned his forehead against Hux’s and murmured, “See you soon,” Then he rushed away.

The moment he entered the turbolift, Asher fairly exploded.

“What in all hells are you doing, Armitage?”

And suddenly, Hux remembered what it was like to anger a Force-user. As Asher stepped closer, invading his space in a manner abnormal for her, Hux backed against his door.

His eyes flew to either side. He felt trapped. He began to panic, just a little. Just because she’d never hurt him before didn’t mean there couldn’t be a first time. He thought of Snoke. He thought of Ren. His heart sped up, and his breathing became labored.

Asher raised a hand.

Hux flinched.

But she just laid her palm against his cheek.

“Armitage, it’s all right. I will not hurt you. I will never strike you. I’m sorry I frightened you.”

She was at a loss. She didn’t know how to deal with his panic. So she, rather awkwardly, drew him into an embrace, pulling his head against her shoulder.

“His treatment of you and other people was one of the reasons we finally broke from our belated master. Pryde shooting you was the last straw. We are your knights now. We protect you and all the other people here. Neither Valance nor I nor the Rens will ever hurt you. We’d die first.”

He shuddered against her. Nodded.

“That being said. What were you thinking?” she asked sternly and pushed him away, just a little, holding him at arm’s length.

“I was lonely,” he said simply.

“He is not Kylo Ren!” she exclaimed.

Hux flinched. He was still nervous, and now the shame was kicking in.

“I know,” he muttered.

“Do you? Do you really? Because I’ve seen no proof that you’ve recovered from him. And to fraternize with his clone is a level of irresponsibility of which I’d never guessed you capable.” She released him and gestured a hand more wildly than he’d ever seen. “You compromise the knights and yourself. It is wrong to take advantage--”

“I didn’t!” Hux insisted.

“You did. You are his master. He is a clone, and he already has a predilection toward adoring you. Did he proposition you?”

Hux paused. He sighed. “No. I told him to come into my chambers.”

“Then the onus is on you. These boys are new to life. They feel easily. They don’t have the barriers the rest of us have. That was wrong of you. Especially because the only reason you chose Lan was because of Kylo Ren.”

Hux’s head hung low already, and he hunched further into himself. 

“He is not Kylo. He is not a replacement for Kylo. He never will be. He--”

And now the limit for Hux’s shame tolerance had been reached. He was shaken, he disliked being at the mercy of angry Force-users, and he hated being rebuked when he had no deflection with which to defend himself.

He straightened.

“Is that all?” he rapped out in his proper, authoritative, staccato voice. “Recall, Asher, as you said, I am your master. I know full well who and what Lan is. I do not appreciate being upbraided by my guard, of all people. Know your place.”

Asher pulled back, as if she’d been slapped.

He’d never used that tone with her. He’d never denigrated her or belittled their relationship. He’d always shown both her and Valance respect since they’d returned to the Finalizer. Affection, even.

Since they’d saved him.

Asher looked wounded.

Her face became cold as she backed away from him. “Very well, sir,” she said.

She saluted him very deliberately before she strode away from him, back to her knights.

“Fuck,” Hux said.

  
  


**

He did not see her for the rest of his shift. Nor did he see a clone. Instead, all day, Valance kept silent watch over him, without reprieve, until Hux returned to his quarters. No one paid Hux’s guards any mind, but the relief at seeing Valance instead of a Ren was palpable; but this only served to agitate Hux further. He’d grown accustomed to the Rens. Somehow, being guarded by one relaxed him. Having Ren in some small way, finally subservient to Hux calmed him. Soothed him.

Aroused him.

A problem, that, he knew full well.

Not having a Ren beside him was an absence Hux felt keenly. It reminded him of being spurned and humiliated by Ren, destroyed.

And the absence of a Ren, or, even moreso, of Asher, Hux felt as a potent reproof for his behavior.

Valance followed him silently to his door. Hux opened it quickly, ready to dismiss the knight, but Valance held out his arm to prevent the door from closing.

“We need to talk,” he said firmly.

“No, we do not,” Hux replied. He could feel the tang of anxiety on his tongue.

“Yes, we do,” Valance responded and marched his way past Hux.

“Valance!” Hux shouted as he shut the door.

“Armitage!” Valance shouted back as he pulled off his helmet.

This was a day of recoiling from Force-users. 

“Stars, Armitage, what is wrong with you?”

Valance groaned and flung himself onto Hux’s couch. After a moment, Millicent strode from nowhere in particular and joined him. He petted her fondly.

“Hello, princess,” he said. “Your daddy is being a miserable fuck, you know that?”

“Excuse me?” Hux snapped.

“You are not excused. You really fucking hurt Asher’s feelings. It’s one thing for you to break up with me. That was smart, so thanks for that. But you treated her like she was nothing but your servant! Asher! Of all people! And she was right, you know,” Valance said, casually stroking Millicent like he belonged here.

He had, for a while.

Hux stood in the middle of his room, still as austere and ascetic as it always had been. He refused to look at Valance or deign to answer.

“Armitage,” Valance said softly, leaning forward to clasp his hands between his knees as he looked at the former general. Valance sighed. “Families fight sometimes. But it’s better to talk and fix things than to ignore them.”

“We’re not family,” Hux said coolly.

Valance’s eyes widened. “Really? Is your pride worth so much you want to re-isolate yourself? What’s it really ever gotten you but lonely and miserable?”

Hux shot him a glare.

“Don’t pretend we don’t know you. Don’t pretend we’re not all invested. You’ve had a shitty life, yes. But things are different now. Remember, you aren’t alone. And you aren’t at the mercy of Snoke or Ren or Pryde or your father anymore. Asher and I care about you. Everyone here does. But you need to realize that enough to give us the same respect.”

“Are you lecturing me?” Hux asked. His gaze had somehow found Valance’s feet. He pretended they were very interesting feet, though he knew that they were rather mundane, like his own. Five toes, not webbed. Perfectly average.

Suddenly, those feet approached his own, and he was amazed and surprised to see how much bigger Valance’s were.

Arms embraced him tightly. A voice murmured in his ear.

“Sometimes, you let all the bad things take over your brain and your heart. Asher and I are trying to help you. We care. We’re scolding you because we care. About this community, about the knights, about you. We all care so fucking much. That’s why we’re all here with you.” Valance stroked the back of his head. “I know this is hard for you to believe. It’s new for you. But from now on, you actually have people who love you. Who want what’s best for you and everyone else here. And that is not trying to get Kylo Ren back through a man who is nothing like him. Lan is completely different.”

“I know that--”

“Yeah, your brain does. But your heart is much less intelligent. Lan is a good kid. Don’t do to him what you did with me. It’ll be worse for him.”

Hux sighed and rested his weight against Valance.

“I wanted him. His smell, his face, his everything. It’s the same, but so different. I’m so lonely after Ren.”

Much to his own mortification, he sniffled on Valance’s shoulder.

Oh, that was snot. He was actually crying. Again.

“I know. But you’ve got to give Lan time to figure himself out. He wants you, but--”

“But what?”

“You want Ren, and he’s no substitute.”

“I don’t want to want Ren.”

“I know.”

Behind him, Hux heard the door open. He groaned into Valance’s shoulder.

“I’m here to relieve you,” he heard Asher say.

“Right,” Valance sighed.

Suddenly, Hux was left bereft and chilled as Valance pulled away. He ruffled Hux’s hair annoyingly.

“Don’t be a dick,” he said and left.

Asher and Hux regarded each other across the room.

“I’m here to guard you. Sir,” she said archly.

Hux hesitated before going to her.

“I hate apologies,” he began.

“I know,” she said.

“But I was, as Valance said, a dick.”

“Yes.”

“Completely and utterly,” he added.

“Horrendously and awfully.”

“Yes--”

“Cruelly and abominably.”

“Yes, I get the picture, Asher.”

She smiled.

“You were right. And I’m sorry. I would be dead without you and Valance,” he said.

She nodded expectantly.

“I also lied. You are the closest thing to family I’ve ever had. I suppose--that makes you my family.”

They stared at each other a moment, a very pregnant pause, all the weight of his embarrassment and faulty humility embedded in that pause--and then they embraced awkwardly, each patting the other stiffly on the back.

“And,” Hux continued, “you were right. About Lan. I just--”

“You are lonely. This I understand. Not in the same way you do. But I was lonely before my brothers. Before this.” She gestured, indicating him, the ship, all of it.

“I was cruel and spiteful to you before,” he said quietly.

“You’ve always been punished by cruel and spiteful people. I’m sorry I frightened you,” she replied.

Hux stared at Asher. That felt wrong. She had only been acting in everyone’s best interest. She had not hurt him.

Surprisingly himself, he told her, “You have nothing for which to apologize. You were right. I was wrong. You and Valance are the only people to ever correct me kindly. Or who have been right to do so. I am so sorry, my friend.”

At last, Asher smiled. Just a little.

He smiled back. Then his face fell.

“Will I be allowed to see Lan again?” he asked.

With a groan, Asher rolled her eyes.

“Yes,” she replied. “With supervision.”

Hux nodded. He licked his lips nervously before saying, “I know it’s a problem. I really like him. But Ren did so much damage. I just--I don’t--”

He should have said this to Valance. Asher looked worried, as if she could sense a dam breaking.

And it did. Hux hid his face in his hands and wept. 

“Why didn’t he want me?”


	10. Lose Your Heart in History

Asher dearly wished Valance had stayed. Yes, okay, Armitage had apologized; he made progress. But now he slept in bed, and she could occasionally hear him snuffling from congestion because of crying. She didn’t know other humans besides Kylo Ren had absolute meltdowns. Valance was much better at comfort than she was. She’d gently convinced Armitage to allow her to soothe his dreams, which was unprecedented. She was almost proud of him for taking such a leap of faith.

Now, she listened to him and carefully monitored his dreams, but only inasmuch as she wanted to ease his anxiety and sorrow.

When he asked why her former master did not want him, what could she say? She wasn’t entirely certain, but part of it was that he lacked the Force. At some point, Kylo Ren had begun to disdain his former lover because Hux lacked the ability to wield the same power. A petty reason. And perhaps Hux guessed as much. But there was more to it, surely. She thought it best perhaps if Hux didn’t know. He was still filled with so much self-loathing it pained her.

Maybe she should have let Lan stay.

No. Armitage was not her sole responsibility.

Perhaps, though, she could have them do what she vaguely remembered from home. Her family had planned her courtship at a young age, until she displayed Force capabilities. Just as well. The demure boy with whom she’d been paired would only be frightened by the Force and confused when she wouldn’t take him. The Force actually saved everyone confusion. She wasn’t confused now, since being with the knights had allowed her to figure herself out, to an extent.

Not so her master. Former master.

She pitied him, though she also reviled him now.

She knew. And she knew Hux at least suspected from whence came the clones. 

Why the clones were made she still could not fathom. For cruelty, for sport? For the potential to live after death? But none of the clones displayed any tendencies that would indicate Kylo Ren controlled them. In fact, the opposite was true. Mostly. Kazan had the temper, but a kinder nature. Chero had gruff bossiness but better strategy. She’d kept careful watch on all six for weeks, and never once had she or Valance felt Ren’s presence.

That was a relief.

She did not want to relinquish her authority over the knights. Not because of any overweening ambition on her part, but because she did not trust where Kylo Ren would lead them all were he here. And she wasn’t certain she could best him. She wasn’t certain she’d have the heart.

And Hux.

He’d be far better off if Ren were absolutely dead, as they’d heard. But part of her feared he wasn’t. She feared, to herself, in the privacy of her room, that Ren was simply biding his time before he came back to wrest the Finalizer from Hux.

If he did, they’d be doomed.

But she’d found no trace of him. Not since Exegol. He either really was dead or he’d become very good at hiding himself.

But that missing seventh clone bothered her. As did the large sums of money that had come not once but twice into their desperate hands.

She didn’t think he’d be able to fool her like this, were he still alive. But perhaps she underestimated him.

She sighed and drank some tarine tea. Millicent hopped up onto her lap, and she cooed at the cat.

“If you are out there, Kylo Ren,” she murmured to herself, “don’t you dare come back.”

  
  


**

  
  


Hux, Peavey, and Asher stared at the datapad Mitaka held out to them.

A third hefty sum of credits deposited into an account marked for their use.

“I noticed this at the beginning of alpha shift. It was deposited four standard hours ago,” he told them. “I’ve tried to trace it, but I haven’t been able to yet.”

“Who keeps doing this?” Peavey wondered. “It makes me nervous about what they might expect in return.”

“Indeed,” Hux murmured.

“Well, what should we do about it?” Peavey asked.

“We need it. We will need it. Keep it and begin another budget proposal,” Hux told him. “I’m not refusing this when it keeps us all alive. But--we also need to get to the bottom of this.”

Hux left Mitaka and Peavey to the budget and strode into his office connected to the bridge. Asher followed him. 

She never wore a mask anymore. The first time the officers had seen her face and had watched as her first set of eyelids blinked vertically, they’d been speechless. It had never occurred to them, apparently, that any of the knights were not human. Hux had rolled his eyes and reprimanded everyone on the bridge. When she had attempted to put her helmet back on, he’d stayed her hand and ordered the officers to get used to it. 

He wasn’t always like that, but so much time around the knights, around their master, had begun to change his mind, until, in the end, she and Valance were fleeing with him. Not Kylo Ren.

When their loyalties had shifted, she didn’t know, couldn’t be certain. Perhaps it was the first time he’d told her to leave her mask off around him after he and Ren had begun their tenuous, doomed affair. Perhaps it was the first time he laughed at Valance’s jokes. Or when he clasped Valance’s shoulder sympathetically because he’d noticed how the knight’s eyes followed him. Perhaps it was a million small things built up in their time with him, because Kylo Ren often left them to guard Hux--to spy on Hux--as he went off to accomplish arcane deeds in his role as Supreme Leader. He didn’t trust Hux, but over the year before the Order’s destruction, Hux, Valance, and Asher had come to appreciate one another. There was fondness there. More than once Valance had stepped in to prevent Ren from Force-choking their general. More than once had she kept Ren from reprimanding Valance. 

She knew Palpatine had been the last straw. Perhaps the first didn’t matter.

She knew she was where the Force meant her to be. Valance too. She was uncertain about the Rens, but they were here now, so they were part of this strange, vast community. This home.

And, though her past experiences were nothing like Hux’s, even Valance’s, this place was the first place since she was a very small child that felt like home. Since before she’d found her powers. She recalled fleeing the Jedi school with an older Ben Solo and a younger Valance. From existence to existence, resigning herself to the lack of freedom, the lack of home. Things she didn’t deserve after being party to the atrocities committed by her leaders.

But the Finalizer was home. Hux was home. At least represented everything that signified it. Strangely, besides her brother-in-arms Valance, Hux was her second favorite person.

Now Hux turned to her, after closing his office door.

“I don’t suppose you know anything about being a slicer, do you?” he asked.

“Not at all,” she replied.

He sighed. “I do, a little, but we need someone far more accomplished than I. That we can trust. I know slicers, but I have no desire to alert them to our presence.” 

She fidgeted a moment.

“What?” he asked curiously.

“Valance is actually an accomplished slicer. He learned as a child before he found his powers.”

Hux’s eyes widened.

“Could he do it?” he asked.

“I’m certain,” Asher replied hesitantly.

Hux’s eyes glittered with excitement. Such interesting colors humans could be, she thought as she watched the color in his cheeks rise.

She wasn’t certain she wanted this.

Correction.

She knew she didn’t want this. She believed no good could come of it. She feared it might eventually lead back to Ren.

“We need to know who is behind this,’ he said, but she barely heard him as anything but background noise to her unease.

“Do we?” she asked eventually.

“Yes, of course!” he exclaimed. “We need to gauge our safety, see where we stand. See if whoever it is expects something from us. We need to be aware of the potential for exploitation.”

“Us or them?” she asked.

“Both?”

She sighed.

She could probably have followed it through the Force, if she really wanted to do so, if she really tried. But she didn’t. Kylo Ren had been on her mind of late, beyond the obvious reasons--the Rens--and this troubled her. She felt as though he might come around a corner or through this very door at any minute. And she was deathly afraid she would not be powerful enough to protect her family.

And Hux--did he suspect? Did he hope? What would he want from Kylo Ren should he return?

“I will speak to him,” she said, and he grinned excitedly at her. He was a cute being when he grinned, when he happily anticipated a new project or a strange puzzle. Sometimes it was hard to refuse him.

He’d become precious to her in the past year. She wasn’t in love, nothing like that, but she’d never been able to protect someone like him before. She’d been the extraneous youngest child, sent away; forced into a familial unit for whom she cared little, except Valance and, for a long time, Kylo Ren. Now Hux had replaced Kylo Ren in her affections. Ren had betrayed them all. But Hux clung to them, needed them. Ren had needed them once, but Snoke--or, rather, the old emperor--had become the most important person to him. And then the scavenger had. Even though Asher had tried to tell Kylo Ren the girl was a child, a Jedi, that he would end up sacrificing too much to acquire her.

And he had.

For months, she’d thought he’d sacrificed everything.

Apparently, unless she was wrong, he’d only sacrificed his family, his knights, the entire First Order.

And Hux.

For once, she didn’t feel forgiveness for him. All his words of devotion with all of the knights had been nothing in the end.

She was wiser now. She knew the signs.

She studied Hux for a moment before asking carefully, “Why is this so important? Who do you think is behind this?”

His smile disappeared, his expression became closed. “I’m sure I’ve no clue, Asher.”

“You do.”

He took a shaky breath. “If we think it’s the same person, shouldn’t we find him?”

“Why? I don’t think I want to,” she replied honestly.

“I need to know, Asher.”

“And after you know, what then? What about Lan? Even if we’re hovering over your shoulders, every time he can see you, he’s so happy, Armitage. Even if he’s only permitted to court you, he lives for those moments.”

Hux’s eyes softened.

She’d enacted her idea, and for the last few weeks, Lan and Hux met on the old officers’ observation deck, chaperoned by either herself or Valance. Hux had scoffed at the idea, but his true colors had shown the first evening.

She had sat in the far corner, giving them just enough privacy. And she’d been pleasantly surprised that Hux had somehow broken through the initial awkwardness by asking what things Lan favored, what he knew about history, what constellations he could name. She knew he'd been the best orator in the Order, but he’d also been a decent diplomat. She could see he was using his manufactured charm on Lan, but eventually both men relaxed and fell into easy conversation.

Had it ever been so easy with Kylo Ren?

She didn’t know.

But over the last weeks, she’d watched Lan win over Hux almost completely. She wasn’t sure what her master felt, the depth of it, but she could tell he fancied Lan, even adored him to an extent. But could Lan supplant the twisted desire for Kylo in Hux’s heart?

She was sorry to say she doubted it.

Hux looked away from her, out his viewport.

“I don’t know if I want to know if he’s out there or not,” he whispered finally. “I want both, I think.”

“Don’t put yourself in a position where you have to choose, Armitage. If Ren wants you, could you refuse him? Don’t do that to Lan, not when you’ve grown so close.”

Hux faced her, brow furrowed.

“I will never hurt Lan intentionally. He’s--” Hux paused. “He’s all I wished Ren had been, long ago. But Ren never could have, because he was Ren.”

“How do you feel about Lan?” she demanded.

He hesitated before replying, “I don’t know entirely. I’ve never known anyone like him. I think I want him, very much, but I’m always followed by the shadow of Ren.”

He rubbed his hands over his face in despair. His fine, white hands, pinked at the tips and delicate. She’d observed Lan holding these hands as if they were treasures. Her heart ached for her little brother.

“Ren isn’t worth it.” Hux said.

Her face must have betrayed her shock, because Hux shrugged and said, “What? It’s true.”

“I’m just--to hear you say it--”

“It’s exhausting to admit, but I needed to say it. It hurts though, Asher. To have to acknowledge that fact means it’s all over, that I need to move on.”

“If it helps, so do Valance and I.”

He nodded sympathetically.

“Lan, though,” he murmured, “is worth it.”

Those words gave her a modicum of hope.

“So you don't want Valance to look?”

Hux leaned against his desk, considering. His fine fingers stroked his chin. “I can’t bring myself to tell you not to look. I want to know. Maybe just for the satisfaction of showing Ren I survived, despite his worst. And I’m a spiteful enough bitch to want to throw all of this in his face. Sure, we shall happily take your money, but fuck you! Maybe?” he said and grinned sheepishly.

A surprised laugh erupted from her mouth.

“I shall leave it in your hands. Maybe you’re right, and I should stay well away from this. If you find anything, I’ll leave it to the two of you,” he said.

“You’re sure?” she asked.

Again, he didn’t answer right away. Finally he stood and walked past her to the door.

“I’m torn,” he said, “which makes me compromised. I can’t make a good decision, so you need to. But I know I want Lan. I know that, in just a few weeks, he and I have had more worthwhile conversations than Ren and I ever managed without eventually either just fucking each other to shut ourselves up or fighting.

“He’s funny and kind and treats me well. He treats me like I’m something to be cherished. And we’re honest about our confusion. He isn’t sure how much Ren he is, although it seems like less and less every day to me. And I”m still trying to sort my feelings about how connected to Ren he is. But I think that’s largely just me trying to hold on, even though I don’t really want to.”

“You’re afraid?” she asked, to clarify.

“Yes. Affection has never gone well for me. But Lan,” he said softly, “makes me want to be a much better person. What he sees in me, I’ve no idea. And that’s part of my problem too.”

She stepped closer to him and gently patted his shoulder. Still awkward, but less so. They’d both improved over the last few months.

“It isn’t so hard to see why, Armitage,” she said.

He placed his hand over her own and smiled, just a little.

“Maybe--look, but tell me nothing,” he said. “Just in case.”

Asher nodded.

“We shouldn’t be in the dark about this. Ren or not, in our favor or not, we need to be aware.”

“Either way, I’ll be certain we are prepared for any eventuality,” she replied.

“I trust you, Asher. Otherwise, I wouldn’t even be here.”

He turned to leave, but looked back at her before he walked out the door.

“Could I--could I see Lan tonight? Alone? I think I need him.”

Asher narrowed her eyes, studying him. At last, she nodded. Because how else could he figure out his own heart?


	11. Your Voice Is Swallowing My Soul

Later, once his shift was done for the day, Asher returned him to his quarters. After she left him, Hux divested himself of his greatcoat. He unfastened his uniform tunic, took off his boots and polished them, and then paced. Of late, he’d forgone wearing his gloves. He was relearning how to appreciate tactile sensations under his fingertips that didn’t involve fucking. From his time with Lan, he realized that he had been missing touch, so much. He'd touched Mitaka’s shoulder the other day, and the lad had nearly jumped out of his skin. Everyone else was so free with their touches, their smiles; so much more casual in their dress, without the strictures of the Order. It was still too peculiar for Hux, but he was trying. 

And when they sat together on the observation deck, Lan held his hands and told him how well he’d done that day.

“How do you even know? You weren’t there,” Hux always asked. 

“I pay attention. I listen to what people say. And you’re clinging to my hand in exhaustion. That usually means you’ve done something you’re uncomfortable with.” 

Lan was always right. 

It felt good having someone acknowledge that. 

Having someone tell him they saw him, that his trying mattered. That trying was all he needed to do. For once.

He spent his whole life overachieving to no avail. The first time Lan told him it was okay just to try, that he didn’t need to be perfect, Hux had wept. Lan had fretted, but what the boy didn’t understand was that he’d somehow freed Hux. Everyone until Asher and Valance had held him to an impossible standard, only to revile him when he met it; only to move the bar farther, higher, every time he succeeded. But even when Asher and Valance assured him he was fine, he couldn’t believe them. Somehow, he could believe Lan.

Perhaps it all came down to the reciprocity of affection?

He cared for Asher and Valance, he did, and that was strange in and of itself. But only Lan made him feel as if he were really enough. Lan practically worshipped him. Lan somehow loved him. And he--well, he wasn’t sure what they actually could call this thing they had between them, but he adored Lan in a wholly different way than anyone else. Even Ren. But he was unsure how big a part Ren played in their mutual adoration.

But.

Lan gave him a peace no one else ever had before.

He honestly didn’t know what Lan saw in him.

Millicent avoided him as he paced and fidgeted. She had her food, but no patience for her agitated father. She made grumbling noises and left to sleep under his desk when he joined her on the couch. He leapt up a second later, and she declared herself over him for now.

After what felt like an eternity, but was only a few minutes, Lan opened his door. Three people besides Hux had the code, the only obvious people. How Hux found himself possessing so much trust in Force-users he didn’t know. But these three were different.

And how he practically leapt at Lan was so out of character for him, he grew embarrassed.

“Hello,” he said, pulling back. 

“Hi. You needed me?” Lan asked.

Lan somehow always knew, always had the right of it.

Hux wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him. Gently, not passionately. Lan held him tightly. He nuzzled his cheek.

“Come, sit,” Lan murmured to Hux. He pulled Hux to the couch and sprawled lengthwise onto it. Hux stood beside it, uncertain, until Lan pulled Hux down between his legs so Hux could lay back against him. He wrapped his arms back around Hux and rested his head on his shoulder.

“You’re unsettled,” he said.

“Yes.”

“Asher said Valance would find out who keeps sending the Finalizer credits?"

“Yes. My skills only go so far. He’s apparently a reprobate,” Hux chuckled.

“I believe it,” Lan said. Hux could feel Lan’s smile against his neck for a brief moment before the knight gave his jaw a light peck.

“What troubles you?” Lan asked finally.

“It’s Ren. Asher thinks so to. I don’t know how or why, but it is.”

Lan tensed, and his breath caught. Hux turned to look at him.

“I told her I don’t want to know anything, Lan. Unless we are placed in a dire predicament, I don’t need to know.”

“But you will, Armitage. You’ll need to. You’ll want to.” Lan sighed. He shifted, as if to distance himself from Hux. “Why am I here?”

“I needed to tell you.”

Hux turned around in Lan’s lap to face him, his legs now draped over Lan’s knee. 

“Why? To let me know you’ll choose him?”

Lan’s face fell as he spoke, and he removed his arms from around Hux to cross them over his broad chest.

Hux looked pained. His bushy, soft brows angled up over the bridge of his nose tragically.

“No!” he cried. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to maneuver what this is between us, and I know you have too! How much of this is Ren between us, neither of us know. You’re his clone, which makes me question the authenticity of my feelings for you. But I know you try to pretend you’re certain of your feelings when you’re anything but.”

“You don’t believe me?” Lan snapped, and it was the closest he’d ever come to looking like Ren.

“I do believe you. But we also know it’s not so simple. How much of you is influenced by the original?”

Suddenly, Lan looked worried. 

“If I say I don’t know, will you despise me?” he whispered hesitantly.

“Stars, no! You’re being more honest with me than he ever was, baby!” Hux told him. “As long as we both admit this," Hux added with a hopeful lift of his shoulders, “I think we can make this work.”

Lan uncrossed his arms. Hux rested a hand on one, began to stroke it. 

“It would have been easier if you’d stayed with Valance,” Lan said quietly.

“Kriff, why do you even know about that?” Hux asked, mortified.

“He told me.”

“He wasn’t meant for me. The minute he and Thannison saw each other, they were obsessed.”  
  


“That’s how I felt when I saw you,” Lan said. Tentatively, he raised a hand to stroke Hux’s cheek.

“I was horrified when I first met you,” Hux confessed. “I was scared of having half a dozen Rens.” He leaned against Lan, his face hidden in the knight’s neck. “But you’re decidedly not him, Lan. Believe me when I say no one has ever made me feel like you do,” Hux murmured into his skin.

“And how do I make you feel?” Lan asked, barely above a whisper, trembling like Millicent when she was a kitten.

“Happy. Like I don’t need to be more than what I am. And like I want to be better for you, because you already want me.” 

Hux sat up to look at him.

They stared intently at each other for a while; all they needed to say right now, at this moment, confessed between them in their shared gaze. Lan lifted a brow and lowered his eyes. Hux nodded and shifted once again to face the knight. They leaned toward each other, touching gently, and kissed. 

It was a soft thing, not needy, not expectant. A sort of understanding passed between them, something Hux had never had with anyone else.

For the first time, someone wanted to understand, someone could. Valance had tried, but Hux would never have opened himself up as fully as he had with Lan. Valance was now a dear friend--how strange to think!--but Lan understood without words, knew what to say before Hux told him what he needed. Maybe it was the requisite inferiority complex particular to clones; Lan had told him about it. And Hux understood that, because he’d always felt the same.

Their hearts understood each other, in a way no one else’s had or could.

Even Valance hadn’t given him this sense of security, of warmth. Hux could be replaced in his heart, and that was a good thing. But he couldn’t be replaced in Lan’s.

That made him feel more loved than anything. Ren had replaced him. He’d told Lan as much.

“You should replace him,” Lan had replied.

Now, in Lan’s arms, Hux had forgotten about Ren. He’d lost himself in Lan’s eyes, in his taste, in the warmth of his body. Lan smiled against Hux’s lips because he felt none of the uncertainty to which he was accustomed from Hux. He felt, without intruding into Hux’s mind, only adoration, appreciation, desire. 

Hux had begun to want Lan because he was Lan. He doubted Hux even fully realized that, little by little, he’d begun to compare Lan with the original less and less. Ren still proved a danger, but he was no longer an insurmountable one.

Hux clung to Lan, his lips suddenly insistent. Then Hux pulled away.

“Do you love me?” he asked.

“You know I do,” Lan said simply.

“Why?” Hux pressed.

“Because you are you. I couldn’t look away from you on Kamino. Everything about you screamed out to me. And now---I love knowing you, being with you. Talking to and learning about you. I don’t care if being a clone predisposed me to wanting you. I want to be with you regardless, because I love you.”

Hux’s eyes smarted. He straddled Lan’s lap and took his face in his hands.

“Only you understand me. This sounds unbelievably selfish. But you’re the only person ever to convince me I’m enough for you. I know I’m not sorted yet. I know I have stupid, complicated feelings about a stupid, complicated man. But you make me happy. I want to make you happy too. I’m babbling,” Hux laughed, but Lan gazed at him with a sincerity that pierced his heart. “I want to be with you too and learn how to love you better.”

Lan blinked.

Hux continued. “I don’t know what I’m doing, really, but I want to do it with you.”

Lan asked, “What if they find Ren?”

He had to ask. He had to.

Hux’s jaw tensed. “I don’t know, honestly. I’m a fool. But I’ll do whatever you want, Lan.”

“I know I can’t ask for forever,” Lan said quietly. Hux gave a peculiar, strangled sound in response. But Lan continued, “But for now, right now--do you--we’ll deal with Ren, if he comes. But right now, Armitage, do you love me? For now?”

“Yes, fucking hells, yes,” Hux wept.

Lan gathered him close and kissed his face, his neck, his sideburns, his lips. Then he stood and lifted him from the couch, carried him to the bedroom. Millicent resumed her place on the couch.

Hux and Lan stripped each other of their clothing and lay on the bed, clinging to each other. They hadn’t fucked since the first time, but neither had wanted to fuck anyone else. The thought of anyone else touching him but Lan repulsed Hux. They fucked gently, sharing tender caresses and lingering kisses along each other’s bodies, and fell asleep wrapped around one another.

**

  
  


Hux forgot to set his alarm. When he awakened, he was snuggled lazily in Lan’s arms, and he thought for a moment that this was how he woke up every day. It felt even more natural than the first time. He watched Lan sleeping, as if he only had this one chance to memorize his face, eyeing him hungrily, happily. He began to think Ren had only been in his life in order for him to receive this gift. Lan.

He leaned over to kiss Lan’s shoulder as his datapad pinged from the other room.

“Oh, kriff, what time is it? " he muttered and rolled away and to his feet. Naked, he strode into the main room. It all felt so natural. Perhaps he’d try to coax Lan into a leisurely shower. Perhaps he’d convince Lan to come away on a holiday with him, and they could lounge around in a tub all day, memorizing each other.

Hux felt happy, hopeful. A first.

And then he saw the time and ran back into the bedroom.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” he yelled.

Lan mumbled, “What?”

“I’m late! I have never been late to the bridge! You, my love, are a terrible influence!” Hux hollered, somehow with affection.

Lan grinned into his pillow.

Another ding from the datapad sent Hux into a tizzy and he tripped over a starving Millicent as he ran back into the main room.

“Ah!” he screamed. “Peavey is telling me to take the morning off! Peavey! Does he want the ship back?”

Lan followed him from the bedroom in a more relaxed fashion. He pulled Hux into his arms and kissed him quiet.

Hux pulled away. “Lan!”

But Lan placed a gentle finger against his lips. “Contrary to what you currently think, Peavey has grudgingly grown fond of you. Of all of you. Because everyone let him stay and treats him like the uncle they never had.” 

Hux frowned and nipped his finger. 

“He’s practically begging you to relax. Only you never take a day for yourself,” Lan continued.

Hux took Lan’s finger in his mouth and sucked.

“Tell him he’s got the bridge. Stay in with me.”

Hux pulled off his finger and then inhaled it again, swirling his tongue around the digit. He sighed and handed Lan the datapad. Lan sent a quick message and then pulled his finger from Hux’s greedy mouth. 

“I feel like I’ve accomplished an impossible feat," Lan said, pulling him close.

“You have. You’d best appreciate it,” Hux grumbled against Lan’s chest.

“Oh, I do, master,” he purred, and dropped to his knees. He took Hux into his mouth. 

Hux wove his hands into Lan’s hair, stroking it, and leaned over Lan possessively, whimpering and trembling until he came with Lan’s name falling from his lips like the answer to a prayer.

  
  


**

  
  


Asher rubbed her eyes and stared at herself blearily in the mirror. She felt as though everything were about to fly out of her control any moment now.

Perhaps she erred when she let Lan go to Hux. But Lan never asked for anything but Armitage, though his want of Hux brought out the brat in him. Still, Hux and Lan gave each other something no one else could. She wasn’t entirely certain what that was. It was an ineffable thing for which she had no need.

Valance seemed to understand. He had a thing quite similar with Thannison. Mitaka had it with his companions. Once they’d fetched his wife, she’d seen Peavey had it. Also, the old man was much more pleasant now. Unamo had it with some young person Asher did not know by name, but there had been many exclamations about the two when it happened.

She’d thought something was wrong with her for so long when she didn’t want it. With remorse, she remembered Kylo Ren--Ben Solo back then--telling her she was fine, everyone was a little different, a little weird; and Valance, only a child, like her, had hugged her tightly.

Her family had changed.

It was different, but it was better now too. Kylo Ren had destroyed the old one.

Valance remained, however. She left her chambers to hunt him down. When she knocked on his door, Thannison answered. His youthful face looked haggard, wan with exhaustion.

“We’ve been up all night. I thought it would take longer, honestly, but we’ve tracked the money,” he told her with a yawn.

Valance’s black eyes turned from the computer terminal to her. “We tracked the money from a bank on Arkanis, through another on Chandrilla, starting with funds from an old Imperial account. It belonged to one Snoke, and there was a lot of it. It seems the transfer request originated on a moon of Endor.”

“Snoke?”

“Presumably, Palpatine set it up under the name, since he was actually Snoke. Somehow?” Valance said.

“Makes no karking sense,” Thannison yawned and draped himself over Valance.

“No, and we have the Force, and it still makes no sense.”

“So, who moved the funds?” Asher asked them.

The two looked at each other. Thannison cleared his throat and nudged Valance.

“Well it was easily tracked, if you know how. And it, ah--” Valanced paused.

“It’s Kylo Ren,” Thannison finished. “He’s alive.”


	12. But I'm Gonna Keep You in Love with Me for a While

Hux spent the morning as Peavey suggested--staying in his quarters, relaxing for the first time since--

Well before Crait, before Starkiller--perhaps before he had been promoted to general? Far too long. Even after Ren had dragged him to the Steadfast and essentially demoted him, he’d never had a moment’s peace.

Still, he felt a trace of guilt for what he saw as abandoning his post this morning. He slept and ate--his knights made sure of it. Surely that was enough. Surely it was unacceptable for him to be laying here in bed for so long. Relaxing. Doing nothing useful.

“Stop,” Lan grumbled. “Everyone has a moment to themselves. Why not you? How can you lead us if you don’t tend to yourself?”

“I’ve had a moment,” Hux croaked against his chest. “I really should get up.”

“Should you? Why not take one day with me? I’ll make us lunch.” 

“You cook?”

“Yes, and very well. And I clean. I could even do your laundry. I can sew. I can pin you down and make you scream with pleasure. I can do many things,” Lan said proudly.

“Am I supposed to propose now?” Hux laughed.

And immediately stopped, once he realized what he’d said. He huddled more closely to Lan’s chest, to hide his wide eyes and startled expression.

Perhaps Lan would laugh, pretend it was a joke. Or ignore it.

But Lan being Lan did neither.

Instead he said, “If and when you’re ready, the answer is always yes, Armitage.”

Lan’s arms wrapped around him tightly. His large hand stroked Hux’s bright hair, toyed with an ear, cupped his cheek as Hux raised his head to regard him.

“You can’t say that, Lan,” he told his lover. “What if you met someone else, someone better who wasn’t a confused fool?” 

“There is no one else, Armitage. I can feel it in the Force.”

Hux frowned. “As if I can trust the Force. It always seems to be wrong, or maybe it just despises me.”

“Okay, then trust me.”

He stared hard at Lan.

“How can you know?” he asked finally.

Lan shrugged. “I just do. There is only one Armitage, and I only want him.”

Hux sat up and pulled a pillow against his chest.

“Things can change, Lan,” he said. His eyes closed, as if he could prevent the truth from existing, pretend it wasn’t real, as long as he couldn’t see it. Reality had always shown him that hearts changed, circumstances worsened. The only time things remained the same was when people despised him, when things went poorly. Even now, surrounded by people who professed to care, he waited for the other jackboot to drop.

If life had shown him anything, it was that he should be alone.

But Hux being Hux, he tried to prove life wrong by clinging to his ship, his people, his Lan. Were he truly as intelligent as he believed, he’d run off to some remote forest moon and be a lonely hermit. Take himself out of the equation entirely.

“No, Armitage! How do I make you believe? How can I help you understand?”

“You can’t.”

“Look at me, look at me. Open your eyes!”

Hux did, his lashes burnished gold against the green-blue of his eyes. Lan rested his forehead against Hux’s.

“See me, Armitage. Not Ren, not your father, not anyone else who ever left you. No one here will desert you. I could never not love you. There is only one Armitage, and there is only one Lan, so they must belong to each other.” Lan kissed him softly. “At the very least, I belong only to you. And I will tell you this every day. I will show you as often as I must, until you know the truth of it.”

His thumbs swiped a tear from Hux’s cheek. He put the thumb into his own mouth and sucked the salt of it away. Hux’s breath caught. Lan smiled and dragged Hux back down with him, pinning him to the bed.

“Repeat after me,” he said.

Hux rolled his eyes.

“Do it,” Lan ordered.

Hux raised a brow. “Fine.”

“Lan Ren is mine.”

Hux remained stubbornly silent.

Lan bent down his head to nip at Hux’s chest. Hux yelped.

“Lan Ren is mine,” he said finally.

“Good. Now: He obeys only me.”

“That is patently false. You also obey Asher and--ah!”

Lan grabbed his cock and squeezed it. “That’s punishment.”

“That’s a terrible punishment.”

Lan smiled wickedly and stroked. Hux gave a moan and obeyed.

“He only obeys me,” he said roughly.

“Well done. Lan only loves me.”

“Lan only loves me,” Hux gasped as Lan fondled his balls.

“You must order me never to leave you, never to look at anyone but you, never to love anyone else but you.”

“Please--” Hux moaned. “Only obey me. Only look at me. Don’t love anyone else, Lan--”

“I will not. You are my master, my beloved. I am yours to command, to do with as you wish. My only desire is Armitage. I wish only to share his life with him,” Lan murmured.

He repeated it, chanted it, in Hux’s ear as Hux squirmed beneath him and came again, weeping Lan’s name and clinging to him as if he were the giver of life.

This was nothing like Ren, he thought. Ren had changed, but he desperately wanted to believe Lan wouldn’t. He needed to believe it.

After a while, Lan coaxed him from bed and to the refresher. He bathed Hux gently, never taking his hands from him. When they were both clean, he dried Hux off and bundled him in a robe and sat him in the dining nook. He fed Millicent and then sang pleasantly as he made their lunch.

Hux watched him and wondered where Lan had learned the song. Then they ate, and it was the best thing Hux had ever tasted, simple as it was.

Was this what life could be, Hux wondered.

Before, he’d never considered domesticity to be something he wanted. So mundane, so ordinary, a waste of his time and skills.

Time and skill and power had gotten him nowhere. They had only brought him misery, humiliation, defeat.

He’d been very wrong. Those moments of desiring this with Ren were not weakness, no matter what both he and Ren had insisted.

Now, with Lan smiling beside him, arm around his shoulders, Hux realized.

He wanted this.

He could accept this family. The Finalizer could be his home.

Because, it seemed, wherever Lan was, that was home.

He turned to look at Lan.

“What?”

“You’re my home,” Hux said.

Lan blinked rapidly, eyes bright.

“I want to be with you, Lan.”

  
  


**

  
  


All morning, Asher and Valance had sat together. He’d sent Thannison off to bed ages ago and commed Peavey that his partner wouldn’t be available today. Peavey had sighed surprisingly patiently.

“He’s usually a reliable lad. That’s fine,” the captain said.

“He was up all night helping me,” Valance replied tersely.

“I’m sure I don’t need to hear about that at all,” Peavey huffed.

Valance rolled his eyes at Asher. She gave a light chuckle at Peavey’s mistake.

“No, old man,” Valance said, “he was helping trace the funds.”

“Oh. Oh!”

Peavey cleared his throat, certainly embarrassed, but also affronted at being called an old man.

“Well, what did you find?”

“Is Hux there?”

“No. He too is, ah, indisposed.”

Valance’s brows rose. He shot Asher a look. She shrugged.

“Valance?” Peavey’s voice wrapped out in question.

“Do not tell him, Captain. But we think we’ve found Kylo Ren.”

“Fuck.”

Valance gaped. He’d never heard the old captain so much as utter the mildest of oaths. He was far too professional and reserved.

“We are to say nothing to Hux, as per his orders, Captain,” Asher said as she leaned over her brother’s shoulder. “But we should come up with a plan for how to deal with this.”

“I’d rather not,” came the reply. “Let Kylo Ren stay far, far away from us.”

He seemed to realize to whom he spoke, for his voice changed, became softer when he apologized.

“Forgive me, I--”

“No, we feel the same,” she said.

And now Peavey held the bridge, distressed; Asher and Valance sat together, also distressed; the other knights and Hux innocent of this new concern, went about other activities.

She knew that the knights needed to be told about the continued existence of Ren, but she desperately wished she could keep it from Lan. She doubted he’d tell Hux, but it was unfair for him to be put in such a position. Should she tell Hux, despite his wishes to remain in the dark?

Valance sat beside her in his chair, his head in his hands. Occasionally, she could hear him sniffle. At last, the dire reality of the situation hit him. Or perhaps he was in turmoil.

Their master was alive. They should be glad. But they’d betrayed him. For Hux. A betrayal that they’d debated for months after Crait, until Kylo Ren had traded them all for the old emperor. They’d left him to die alone. They’d left the other knights to be killed by him. They’d had their own part in destroying their comrades. She couldn’t bring herself to say family now. Not when these people around her felt so much closer to family. But there had been a bond. Shared power, shared system of belief and behavior, and she’d adhered to it for years, until neither she nor Valance could abide it.

But their master lived. Former master. Unless Valance wished to return to the old status quo. She wasn’t confident in her capabilities, if Ren returned. He was stronger. He’d been their leader. Dominant, terrifying, magnificent. And, in the end, horrible. They’d all loved him, but that love became conflated with fear over the years. And even though she shouldn’t, she feared him still. She was programmed to obey, as was Valance.

Now, her brother raised his head to peer at her. His eyes were indeed wet with tears.

“What do we do, sister? Do we just leave him alone?”

“I don’t know. I do not want to decide. But I do not want him here either.”

“He’ll want his authority back.”

“Yes.”

“He’ll want Hux back too.”

She cocked her head. “Do you think so?”

“Oh yes, Valance said with certainty. “If the scavenger didn’t want him, he’ll want Hux under his thumb.”

“Do you not wish for him to lead us?”

“Oh, kriff no! Why would you think that, Asher? I mourned him, and I am afraid and glad and angry that he’s alive and manipulating us. I have many feelings, but none of them are a desire for him to lead us again. The Finalizer is doing beautifully with his money and his lack of appearance. You lead the knights, as you should.”

“If I must face him, Valance, I do not believe I am strong enough to best him,” Asher admitted. She clasped her hands tightly together to keep them from fidgeting.

Valance took one of her hands in his own.

“Sister mine, dear friend, you would not be facing him alone.”

“He bested the others!”

“They were fools who didn’t understand Kylo Ren or Ben Solo. We knew both. We knew he was the same man, always. We are no longer isolated, remember. We have our clone brothers. We have everyone here. We all want what is best.”

“What if he must die?”

“I hope on the Force he doesn’t, but we have to protect our family. If it’s him or us, there is no question.”

She nodded.

“And if it’s him or Hux, well, our decision is exactly why we’re here.”

“He won’t forgive that easily.”

“So what? Why are you so apprehensive? Don’t doubt yourself, Asher, and don’t doubt us. In the end, he’ll have to obey what we tell him.”

“And what about Hux? What if Ren comes for him?”

Valance sat silently for a while.

She watched him try to figure it out.

Somehow, it was easy at times to forget that, besides Kylo Ren, Valance was the only one of the knights to have taken a lover before Lan. What was it about Hux that drew three different Force-users to him? Valance was still close to their master, though now he clearly had eyes only for his partner. Lan loved Hux from the first. But what had he been to Ren: Even in the early days, the good days of their affair, when they could all feel Ren’s joy through the Force, she couldn’t have called it love.

He’d left Hux, betrayed him, tried to trade him in for a younger transport model. He’d belittled him and destroyed his entire life. But then he’d bought him back the Finalizer and sent him half a dozen clones. She couldn’t believe Ren would do that for any of them. Not herself. Not Valance. Nor had he bothered to reach out to her or Valance through the Force.

No, it was all about Hux. She was certain of it. But why?

An elaborate apology?

A long game of subjugating Hux again? An attempt to rebuild the Order? An attempt to capture one of the worst war criminals in the galaxy for the rebuilding Republic?

Ren’s thinking was skewed. It always had been, as long as she’d known him. Even if Ren meant all of this as recompense, he would surely have some expectation in return.

What could Hux give Ren, except his obedience, his allegiance? Himself?

She felt even more apprehensive at the thought that this was all a very elaborate ploy to get Hux’s attention. He’d always done that, in the heady days of power and their mutual resentment.

That hadn’t started out as full resentment.

She remembered the first time Ren saw Hux. She felt his awe at Hux’s authority, his beauty, thrumming through the Force. His frustration when Hux scowled and snapped. His joy the first time Hux touched him, the first time they kissed. She remembered without knowing what caused it, the moments that chipped away at them until their relationship had severed. Had become a sick, rotting thing, like Snoke himself, until the day above Jakku when Ren had threatened Hux. 

Ren had sought to destroy what he had with Hux. Why was he trying to rebuild it now?

As usual, all she really knew was his selfish cruelty.


	13. But I Stay Down with My Demons

Lan entered the quarters for the knights later that afternoon. His smile hadn’t left his face, even when he’d had to leave his Hux. His. What a thought! Nor had it left his face when he was forced to cram into a crowded lift with too many people eyeing him nervously. He’d simply continued smiling and said, “Good afternoon!” which had startled Unamo’s partner so badly they’d squeaked.

What in all hells had the original been like? He’d often wondered, but all the evidence had led him to believe that Kylo Ren had been terrifying.

As soon as he entered the lounge area, Chero took one look at him and snorted.

“You’ve taken your time today. You musta gotten laid plenty to have a big dumb smile like that. Next time let us know, so we aren’t all privy to every orgasm you have.”

Lan blushed. “Sorry, brother.”

Kazan came over to punch his arm. “Yeah, that was a fucking awful way to wake up.”

“Knock it off, you two,” Kero told them. “They’re actually pleased you’re happy Lan. And it’s the only way they see any action.”

“Untrue!” Chero shouted. “I've been having a very nice time with that woman from accounting!”

“Oh, so what’s her name?”

“Not telling. I need some privacy from your arses.”

Lan grinned at his brothers. That is what they were. Asher and Valance had been adamant that they view themselves as brothers-in-arms, not disposable copies of another man. Asher named them, but not without their input. And each one, though possessing some of the original Ren’s traits, had their own look and preferences.

Chero preferred all black for his clothing, and he’d shaved off all his hair, so he could emulate Asher and Valance. Kazan wore red often, added kohl to his eyes, and had shaved one side of his head, leaving the other long enough to braid. Kero was very calm and teased the others mercilessly. He took the responsible role when Asher and Valance weren’t around.

Right now, he folded his hands in his lap and looked seriously at Lan. 

“I’d avoid Errol if I were you. He's been furious all day.”

“Why?”

“Why d’you think?” Chero drawled.

Lan sighed.

And as if summoned, Errol appeared from the bedrooms.

His face was, perhaps, the most evenly proportioned of the clones; his skin flawless, except for a delicate dusting of freckles over the bridge of his nose. His hair he kept short, the length just enough to cover his ears because of his vanity. He had a ready smile, like an Ithorian razor shark, liable to devour unwitting prey at any moment. Of them all, he was most likely to give Asher problems.

“Brother,” he said lightly, “welcome back! So good to see you again. I thought you’d moved out on us.”

“Errol,” Lan replied carefully. “I’m still here. I was…” he paused, “needed.”

Errols eyes narrowed. “You were needed for a fuck.”

Lan shrugged.

Chero and Kazan observed the two warily. Kero stood. He waved a dismissive hand.

“Now, now, we all have our favorites, Errol. It’s nice to be wanted.”

“Wanted by the general, the most powerful man on the ship,” Errol retorted. “Lucky that Hux plays favorites and spreads his skinny legs for you, Lan.”

Kero held Lan back from replying with a fist. 

Kero tutted. “With that attitude, no one will favor you with a good fucking. Be nice, Errol, or else.”

Errol sniffed with disdain. “Will you tell Mummy?”

“No. I’ll goad Kazan until he’s angry and then throw you at him.”

“Hey!” Kazan yelled.

One of the bedroom doors opened. With his longer hair pulled in a low chignon at the nape of his neck and decked in a flowing white robe, Mika emerged. His sharp eyes took in the scene before him, and he sighed. He padded silently to Kero and touched his arm lightly.

“Dearest, I don’t know what you’re doing, but you’re making it worse.”

“Forgive me, pet,” Kero replied.

Errol sneered at his brothers. “You try to control us, but what authority do you have, either of you?” he snapped. “I love how you try to have the pretense of being the leaders in her stead, but you’re just trying to keep her from figuring out that you two are fucking, aren’t you?”

Now Kero looked worried. His usual nonchalance disappeared, replaced by uncertainty. Mika sighed again.

“Do you honestly think she’d mind? Everyone else has someone with whom they’re affectionate.”

Lan looked at his brothers. He was pleased he wasn’t the only one. That his comrades weren’t lonely. Sometimes, he found himself concerned that, of them all, only he and Valance had someone. He knew Kazan had dallied with a few people, including Mitaka and his family. It had been getting easier with people who saw the Rens every day. The majority of the citizens of the Finalizer still feared them, still huddled in the corner of the elevator when they saw a knight. Like Unamo’s partner.

Errol, alone of them all, seemed to have no companion. Perhaps it made him bitter.

Still even he was surprised when Kero and Mika chose each other.

“Are you jealous?” he asked Errol suddenly. “Are--are you lonely?” He reached out a hand to his brother.

“Don’t pfasking touch me, Lan!” he snarled. “You’ve no idea what I desire. You are such a fool. You know if Kylo Ren returns, your little slut ex-general will drop you like a hot bantha stool.”

Lan reeled back. The words had, of course, struck very close to home.

Mika moved lightning fast and slapped Errol across the face.

“Enough,” Mika scolded without raising his voice. “You will not speak to any of us in such a way again. Rein in your wicked tongue. We are to support each other, not destroy.”

“Feh,” Errol hissed and turned away. “It’s my shift. I’m late. I’ll go watch your precious Hux, Lan.”

Without looking at them, he stormed out.

“Do you think Asher would care?” Mika asked Kero, now uncertain. He leaned against his brother knight, his lover.

“No, surely not. I mean, Lan’s the most shocking of us, sweet as he is,” Kero replied. He reached over and pinched Lan’s cheek.

“Stop!” Lan chuckled.

Kero smiled a moment and then deflated. “But we should tell Asher before Errol tries to paint us in the most reprehensible light.”

Lan left his brothers and returned to his room.

The bed was, of course, untouched. He flopped onto it, overcome by an odd feeling of sorrow. From whence it came he couldn’t be certain. Perhaps empathetic concern for Kero and Mika, though Lan would never call himself empathetic. It was just how the Force tuned in to him. He felt others so easily. Perhaps Errol's anger troubled him. It certainly did.

But selfishly, what Errol had said to him had upset him. The things he said about Armitage. The insult, the shaming infuriated Lan. But the probable truth of Errol’s words hurt him quite badly, just as Errol had intended.

If Ren returned, Hux very well might want him back. Lan would find himself discarded. Or killed, depending on how jealous Ren was.

But Hux called him home. Hux loved him. Armitage wanted to be with him!

Lan knew they belonged with each other. He didn’t always trust his visions in the Force, but he believed this knowledge.

And if, he told himself truthfully, Hux chose Kylo Ren, Lan would do all he could to protect and support their relationship, provided Kylo Ren didn’t kill him.

If was a big word. Lan had no doubt Kylo Ren would be possessive and angry, even though he was the one who had deserted Hux.

How could anyone leave someone so precious?

He reflected that perhaps Kylo was the one from whom Errol got his naturally unpleasant nature. Kylo must have had good traits, considering the rest of them, considering how Hux wanted him still--that hurt--and so Errol surely wasn’t all bad.

Just mostly.

Lan sighed.

He’d just shut his eyes when a knock sounded on his door.

“Enter,” he yawned.

Kazan poked his head in.

“Asher is here. She wishes to speak with us.” 

“Be right there.”

In a trice, he was out the door and seated on the large circular sofa inlaid into the floor. Kazan leaned against him on one side, and Mika perched demurely on his other, braiding his hair. Chero sat between Mika and Kero. Errol sat as far from them as he could, curled harshly into the arm of the sofa.

“What is it, Master?” Mika asked as he wove strands of Lan’s soft hair together. 

“I have news. It is,” Asher told them, “troubling.”

She stood before them pacing. She paced in silence for a few minutes trying to find how best to tell them her news.

After some minutes of her agitated silence, of six sets of eyes following her, Lan’s anxiety grew until he could no longer bear it.

“There is no best way, Master. Please, tell us. What causes you such distress?”

She stopped and stared at him, her very dear boy. Of them all, Lan was the one she and Valance wished most to protect. She believed the other Rens felt the same. 

Except, strangely, Errol, who glowered at Lan now. It had always been thus, but it had gotten worse since--

Since he’d been courting Hux.

Asher sighed. 

“Right. Brothers, I have news.”

“So you’ve said, Master,” Mika gently prompted. He stopped his hands and looked at Asher expectantly. “Where is brother Valance?” he asked.

“Guarding Master Hux,” she replied. 

Was it her imagination, or did Errol hiss at Hux’s name?

“I needed to tell you all. To tell you before you heard it elsewhere. To prepare you.”

“For what, Master?” Kero asked. His hand surreptitiously reached past Chero’s shoulder along the back of the couch. She watched as Mika finished Lan’s hair and then stretched his arm behind Chero. Chero kept his arms folded across his chest.

She was missing something here.

But she had no time to think on it.

She inhaled deeply before she continued.

“As you know, the Finalizer has had support from an anonymous benefactor. Our master ordered Valance and I to find out who our patron is. And so, with his, ah, technological acumen--”

“He’s a wicked slicer!” Kazan said excitedly.

She glared at him.

“What? He told me!”

“Of course he did. He tells you entirely too much,” Asher scolded. “But yes,” she said,” with slicing and the Force guiding him, he has discovered our patron.”

“Who is it?” Chero asked. He sounded unhappy, as if he already knew the answer.

“It is Kylo Ren,” she said quietly.

Five of the Rens were silent in shock. And then heard a horrible sound.

It was Lan. He wept.

“Oh! Oh, Lan!” Mika cried. His hand flew from behind the couch, and he embraced his brother. Kazan clasped Lan’s knee, his eyes huge. Chero leaned forward, head in his hands.

“Forgive me, Lan. I wanted you to be with us when you found out. Where you would be safe,” Asher said. 

Kazan stood, and walked over to the punching bag kept in the lounge for just such a moment. He’d been trained very well to take his anger out on the bag and not on people or other things. He began punching it so hard that it swung wildly around.

Kero sat silently, staring at his hands.

And suddenly, Errol guffawed.

“Kylo Ren is back?” he exclaimed. “Well, that’s the end of that love affair! As if Hux will keep a copy once he gets the real thing back! Maybe, Brother Lan, you can join Kero and Mika in the bedroom now!”

Before Asher could question or reprimand Errol, Kazan turned from punching bag and lunged at his brother, snarling in a bestial manner. His eyes were wild, his teeth bared. 

He threw Errol to the floor before Asher could stop him, but she threw him back with the Force quickly, so he could not maul Errol.

“Enough!” she yelled. “Kazan, sit by the door. Errol.” She turned blazing eyes to him now. “You are cruel. You are to be silent and go to your quarters. We will talk about this later.”

Errol opened his mouth to argue, but she exerted her power over him. He was no match for her. They all knew it, and he was not brave enough to test her eternal patience by arguing. He stood and glared at her petulantly, and then he stalked from the room. He used the Force to shut his door as loudly as he could, the panels squealing with resistance in their tracks.

“He’s dangerous, Asher,” Chero said. “He’s been getting worse.”

“I know. He wants so much without knowing what. and resenting anyone who does know or have what they want.”

“Even I can’t rein him in now,” Kero said.

Her brow furrowed. She recalled what Errol had just told her. She studied Kero.

“What did he mean, Kero? About you and Mika?”

Kero looked at Mika. Mika returned his stare and released the sobbing Lan. He stood carefully and approached her, lowering his head.

Mika was not delicate by any means, being Ren’s clone, but he was quiet and almost demure. His hair was always tidy, his clothes loose and light; his lips were crimson, and his cheekbones finely sculpted. His features were the softest of all her boys, and he easily could have been a queen of Naboo. Like Kylo Ren’s grandmother.

Mika raised his eyes and gazed at Asher through the fan of his lashes.

“He meant to tell you, Master, most indelicately, that Kero and I love each other.”

She blinked at him. Looked to Kero, who stared back at her beseechingly. Returned her gaze to the fairest clone.

“What?”

Mika looked back over his shoulder to Kero.

Lan sniffled. “He means,” Lan said hoarsely through his tears, “that they are one. They’re like me and--and…”

He couldn’t finish.

He stood.

“Forgive me, Master,” he said and rushed from their chambers.

“Lan--” Chero called.

“Let him go,” Asher murmured. “He’s going to Hux. He probably needs to.”

She sighed, pinched the bridge of her nose.

Lan was terrified and upset, rightfully so.

Errol was instigating problems, worse than ever before.

Kero and Mika. 

Were together.

These knights were a holodrama. It figured Kylo Ren’s clones would be.

“You,” she said to Mika, “you and Kero? But you’re clones of the same man.”

“But we aren’t the same man,” Mika said. “I love him. He loves me.”

Kero rose and pulled Mika close.

“Are you angry at us?” Mika asked. “Do we disgust you? Master?”

“No,” Asher replied with a sigh, “it is confusing, but there’s nothing wrong with it. It is a fine thing to love another.”

The two Rens looked relieved. Mika hugged Asher tightly, and then clutched at Kero’s hand.

“So, uh, we need a plan, Asher,” Chero said.

“We do. Kazan, get back over here.”

He rose and joined his master and remaining brothers on the couch.

“It will be up to me,” Asher said. “I will reach out to him. We will see what happens then. What his intentions are.”

  
  


**

  
  


Hux opened his door.

Lan stood in the corridor, weeping miserably, his hands over his face.

“You just left not that long ago. Miss me already?” Hux asked. He gave a soft chuckle.

Lan’s arms flew around him. He clutched at Hux and wept into his shoulder.

“You’re scaring me, baby. What’s wrong?”

Lan sobbed into his neck, “I cannot tell you.”

Hux pulled him into his quarters, shut and locked the door behind them. He took Lan’s hand and brought him to his sofa. Once Lan had seated himself, Hux straddled his lap and held him tightly against his chest.

“What is it, my love?” Hux asked.

“My brother said terrible things. He believes you do not want me,” Lan cried.

“Then he’s a fool. Here, look at me, Lan.”

Hux put a finger under Lan’s chin and tipped up the knight’s face to meet his eyes.

“Repeat after me,” Hux said softly. “Armitage Hux is mine.”

Sniffling, hesitant, Lan repeated, “Armitage Hux is mine.”

I obey only him. I love only him.”

“I obey only him. I love only him.”

Hux smiled. “I am his home, and he loves me and wants to be with me. Only me.”

“I am...his home, and he loves me and wants to be with me,” Lan whispered, his lips trembling. “Only me.”

Lan choked back a sob.

Hux took Lan’s face in his hands, bringing their foreheads together. 

“Lan is my home, and I love him and want to be with him. Only him,” Hux said, and then kissed him.


	14. I'll Still Destroy You

After releasing the Rens, Asher sat on the sofa. Her head hurt, and so she curled up against the arm and rested her head upon it. She had no desire to deal with Errol at the moment. Let him stew. The other four had returned to their rooms. Well, she supposed two of them shared a room.

Not long after the others had departed, Valance returned. He sat beside her on the couch. 

“You can’t mean to contact him,’ he said.

“I do, and I shall. Neither Armitage nor I want unknown factors. I need to at least feel around, see what Ren wants.”

“We could just leave it,” he insisted.

“No. He could come to us. We need to know what his intentions are. And--” she said and paused.

“What?”

“We abandoned him, Val. We left him to die on Exegol. Sometimes, I have nightmares that he comes to me, dead--”

“But,” Valance murmured, “he isn’t. He’s alive.”

“Which is worse--knowing we left him to die and feeling guilty, or him knowing we left him and having to deal with his retribution?”

“Oh, that’s easy, dear one. He’s terrifying. I don’t want to deal with his anger.”

“I know you feel guilt.” 

“Yes, but what’s done is done. Now we move on.”

She sat up to rest her head on his shoulder. She opened her mouth, but Valance held up a finger. She closed it.

“Don’t. No doubts. You lead us. We trust you. And I’ll be with you when you do it.”

“Thank you.”

He shrugged.

“How did the lads take it?” he asked.

“Oh, kriff,” she moaned. He raised a brow. After a moment, she filled him in on all the drama. He frowned at Errol’s antagonism, whimpered over Lan, and nearly fell off the couch when he learned about Mika and Kero.

“They really are chips off the old block!” he laughed.

“I’ve such a headache!”

“Let me deal with Errol. You go rest. You’ll have a long day tomorrow seeking Ren through the Force.”

She groaned and stood.

“Goodnight, brother,” she said and went to her rooms.

Valance rubbed his hands over his face and stood. He did not relish speaking to Errol.

In her room, Asher turned the lights down to zero and relaxed on her bed. She folded her hands over her stomach.”

Tomorrow would not be soon enough. She’d have no rest until she got this done, no matter what occurred after.

She closed her eyes and began to focus on her breaths. She counted the seconds inhaling and exhaling. The rhythm of her lungs, her heartbeat. From the room next door, the cadence of Valance’s voice, Errol’s. She felt the beat of the ship all around her--all the lives, the blood flowing through arteries. She concentrated on following them, opening herself up. Through the Force, she heard Hux murmuring to Lan, and Lan’s heart rate rise in response. She heard Peavey’s staccato footsteps echoing away from the bridge as he returned to his wife.

Down through the ship and out into the cosmos her mind flowed. She no longer heard the life aboard the Finalizer, but the vacuum of space. She felt the heat of myriad stars, the pull of a planet’s gravity, the life of it coaxing her towards it. She flung herself out through the Force, parsing through feelings and signatures, life and death, light and dark, all the arbitrary designations sentients create for themselves and each other.

The galaxy was vast, and there was no guarantee that Asher would find Kylo Ren tonight. Her dread would only build until she did find him; the sooner she did the better. No surprises. No growing anxiety or fear. No prolonged torture for Lan. Less time for Errol to rage.

Less time to contemplate ceding everything to her old master.

Her master.

Part of her still thought of him as her master.

How they had loved him!

Her consciousness slipped back to the Finalizer, drawn by the feel of tears on her cheeks. 

Not tonight then.

She curled on her side and hid her face in her pillow until she regained control.

No female had ever led the Knights of Ren. No female had really been accepted until she came with Kylo and Valance. Precious few women had been full-fledged leaders in the Empire, a few more in the Order. A few. There had been a number in the Republic. She’d had no examples of female leadership. But all of her leaders had been men. Enough that even now, she felt like an imposter.

It was worse knowing Ren was alive, knowing her betrayal had consequences. Not that she believed she and Valance had made the wrong choice. She knew in her soul they’d chosen correctly.

That didn’t lessen the guilt, the sorrow.

Once she’d calmed herself, faced her feelings, she girded up her loins. As she began to concentrate on her breathing, a knock sounded on her door.

Only Valance knocked.

She let him in.

“You started without me. I could feel it,” he said reprovingly, shutting the door behind himself.

“Yes. I needed to just do it. I cannot think on it too much,” she replied.

He sat on the edge of her bed and pulled off his boots.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Gonna help, Ash,” he told her. “Scoot over.”

With a disgruntled sigh, she moved closer to the edge. He flopped down on his back beside her and clasped her hand.

“I can do it myself,” she said.

“I know. But I know roughly where he is already, so I can help. And I could feel your doubt from Errol’s room. We aren’t Kylo. We don’t need to do things alone.” He squeezed her hand.

“What about Than?”

Valance shrugged. “When Lan showed up looking upset, I went and told my little darling I might not be back. He’s fine. He understands,” Valance said. His voice sounded dreamy.

All of her boys were so drawn by love so easily. Except Errol.

“Ready?” she asked.

“Yeah. Let’s find Kylo.”

She gripped his hand tightly.

“Let’s.”

  
  


**

  
  


Finally Lan was asleep. This was probably the first time they’d been in Hux’s rooms and not fucked. Now they really were in a relationship, it seemed.

Hux smiled at the thought.

Such a precious thing, this feeling he held in his heart, like a tiny moth in his hands; such a precious, darling boy was his Lan. He’d thought until very recently that he’d never love anyone like he loved Ren, that he’d never love anyone but Ren. He’d broken up with one of the best men he knew, one of the gentlest lovers, for not being Ren. He’d only slept with Valance in the first place, cruelly, because he’d been Ren’s. And then because he’d been so sweet.

Somehow, Lan had bested him. He’d completely won him over.

Whilst Hux had a bad feeling as to why Lan had come back sobbing before Hux’s sleep cycle, he couldn’t deny how happy he was to have him here. In his bed, in his arms.

Such a precious boy.

Lan had sobbed into Hux’s chest. They had kissed. Hux had comforted him. Hux! And it had been so easy. So very easy. Hux had made him tea and held him, had taken him to bed.

Lan did so much for him, Hux was filled with excitement to be able to take care of him.

Now, he held the sleeping knight in his arms. Lan’s huge head rested against Hux’s slim, pale breast, his nearly black hair a contrast to Hux’s ivory skin. Hux stroked that hair and let his heartbeat lull Lan to sleep. They were both unclothed, the full expanse of flesh on flesh comforting Lan, warming him.

Hux had a feeling that Lan’s brother possessing a cruel tongue was certainly not the only reason he’d shown up tonight in tears. But Hux preferred not to think too deeply about any of it. He wanted to focus on Lan.

This man here. Now. In his arms.

He wanted Lan now. Anything he still felt for Ren was sentiment wrapped in sorrow. It had precious little to do with now.

Now, he could imagine his future unspooling before him. He saw clearly a life with Lan, surrounded by this family who had found him, who hadn’t given up on him. Who wanted him in their midst. He wanted Lan at his side. Lan was the best thing Kylo Ren had given him, after a relationship filled with passion and harsh words and heartbreak. After the pain Ren had given him, Ren had finally gifted him with one precious thing.

Lan.  
  


Whom he cherished. 

Who he loved. 

He wanted this life with Lan. Even with Lan in his arms after crying himself to sleep, he wanted nothing more. He wanted to comfort Lan for the rest of their life together.

What a strange feeling, Hux thought.

This was the first time he’d really thought of anyone else first, much as he cared for his new family.

This was the first time--probably thanks to them and Lan both--he’d felt safe enough to want to consider anyone before himself.

He knew he’d be bad at this, but that he wanted this at all was hopeful.

He pressed a kiss to Lan’s hair, cradled him more tightly in his arms, and allowed himself to sleep, smiling.

How long he slept he did not know. 

He knew it had been months since he’d heard Ren. Thought he’d heard Ren. It had happened only two or three times, in the beginning. Hux had assumed it was grief or blood loss.

So he was very surprised when he heard a voice behind him.

“Hux?”

Was it Lan? No, Lan always said his first name with such adoration, as if Armitage were a creature remotely worthy of Lan’s love.

“Who is Lan?”

Hux took in his surroundings.

A forest, high green trees towering above a small hut built into one of them.

“Where am I? Hux asked his dream setting. He could smell the piney odor. A breeze carried the scent to his nose before whisking it away.

“Who is Lan? the voice asked again.

It was more insistent.

The voice sounded like Lan’s, but not as gentle, less certain. It held a familiar quaver to it.

Hux turned.

His eyes widened.

“Who,” Kylo Ren repeated, “is Lan?”

Hux backed into an outside wall of Kylo Ren’s hut. 

He looked much the same, but his scar was gone; the scar that bisected his lovely face but only enhanced his beauty. His hair was longer, shaggier, and he had a scraggly attempt at a beard gaining purchase on his chin. His eyes were the same, constantly on the verge of tears. His eyes had always destroyed Hux’s regimented nature, had always caused Hux to give in to whatever needs Ren had.

Not now.

Hux took a breath, to steady himself.

“Even in my dreams, you can’t leave me in peace,” Hux said. He began to cry.

Ren looked appalled.

“I didn’t mean--” he began, but had no more words to continue. If that had been an apology, it was only expected that it failed; Ren always had been terrible at apologizing.

But, even in a dream, finally weeping in front of Kylo Ren was a thing Hux found to be incredibly cathartic.

“Hux!”

“What? What do you want now? Are you finding ways to haunt me in death? Are you alive and haunting me? I have no need of dreaming you, Ren!” Hux cried. “Not beyond letting you know how much you nearly destroyed me!”

Ren reached for him, but Hux scuttled away, back against the wall, as if the little cabin’s embrace could save him. As if it bolstered his fortitude, his fury at being abandoned.

“What am I doing here?” Hux hissed.

“I didn't think you’d be so angry.”

“What did you think? I’d throw myself at you and weep for joy that you deigned to speak to me in a dream?”

Ren remained silent, though he shrugged. Of course, as always, Hux had the right of Ren.

“The fucking gall of you!” Hux shouted. “You belittled me. You destroyed my life’s work. You choked me and threw me around. You took my power and gave me to a man I told you abused me when I was a child. Where were you when he fucking shot me, Ren? I could have died, and you were not around! You weren’t there to care at all if I died, never mind to protect me!”

Ren shrunk into himself. He seemed to want to speak, but no words came.

“No,” Hux continued. “There is no justification, Ren. You knew how I felt about you, in spite of everything! But you chose the scavenger over me. From the minute your uncle became involved, even remotely, you’ve scorned me. And when you found her, you made it clear you didn’t want me. Once or twice, I thought there was hope, but there never was.”

“Hux, I did all this for you!” Ren insisted. His voice rose until he too shouted.

“It’s the least you could have done!” Hux yelled back. “Was I not young enough, unformed and pretty enough? Was it because I couldn’t use the Force?”

“It was Snoke--”

“And after you killed him?"

“I didn’t--she--”

“Kylo Ren, you still think anyone finds your lies remotely believable?”

Ren’s face grew red. “You almost shot me!” he yelled.

“And you proved I’d have been justified. I hesitated, Ren, because I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was afraid of what you would do, but I thought maybe we could have been better!”

“We weren’t!”

“Clearly!”

Hux turned away, but his vision blurred. In frustration, he smacked the wall of Ren’s cabin.

“Why am I even dreaming of you? Why am I still crying over you?”

“I wanted to see you again,” Ren replied quietly.

“Whatever for? You chose her over me. You relinquished any rights you had to see me,” Hux told him stiffly. He refused to look at Ren.

He heard a shivering breath behind him. 

He refused to look at Ren’s trembling ruby lips, his does eyes, any of it.

Hot breath caressed his neck.

Once, this would have undone him, even at their worst point, so strong had been his desire for Ren. He still felt the residue of longing, the happy memories of what came after the warmth of Ren’s breath.

Ren’s massive paw touched his shoulder gently, more gently than he ever had in the moments after Crait, after especially Batuu. Once, no matter how angry he’d been, Hux would have caved under this touch, given Ren whatever of Hux he wanted.

Now though, he didn’t think of Ren. What he thought was, “This isn’t Lan’s hand.” And he was surprised he felt nothing more than mournful nostalgia. But not desire.

“Who the fuck is Lan, Hux?” Ren asked again, and gripped his shoulder more tightly.

Hux turned, pulling himself from Ren’s grip.

“Lan is my lover,” Hux said coolly. He was almost surprised how calm he was now. Even the thought of Lan gave him courage in his dream.

Ren stepped closer to Hux. Instead of the expected rage, Ren looked wounded and soft, as if he were hurt by this unexpected news.

“I didn't think you’d have someone from the crew. You never took an underling before,” Ren said.

“He’s not. He’s a Knight of Ren,” Hux replied.

“What?” Ren yelped. “I killed all but Asher and Valance!”

“And then you gave me clones,” Hux said simply, patiently, as if talking to a child, which Ren still had been before the end.

Ren yanked his hand away, as if Hux’s flesh had burned him.

“What?”

“Lan is one of the clones. They are all knights now, under Asher. She leads them. And I love him, Ren.”

Ren’s face almost broke Hux’s heart.

Almost.

Kylo Ren, whom Hux had loved for so long, even as terrible as they had been together, later, whimpered as he backed away from Hux. His hands covered his face, and Hux thought of Lan with a pang in his heart.

Hux thought with some surprise that if he could say this in a dream to Ren, he could say it to Ren’s face eventually.

At last, Ren raised his head. His eyes red-rimmed, his nose runny--yet he still looked so beautiful.

“I mourned you for years, Ren, when I knew you were gone from me,” Hux said gently.

“Don’t call me Ren. I’m Ben!”

“It makes no difference. I didn’t know Ben. I knew Ren. I loved Ren. I thought I’d die when I heard you died.”

Hux looked up at the sky. The moon hung low over the trees, silvering their leaves, the bark, casting Ren’s face half in shadow.

“The only reason I didn’t die,” Hux told him carefully, looking him in the eye, “was because of Asher and Valance. And everyone on the Finalizer. And the knights you gave. You gifted me my ship again and a new, vast, absurd family. Which I’d never had. And because of you, your gifts, I’m happy now.”

And because this was a dream, Hux wrapped his arms around Ren, once, quickly, and released him. Ren’s arms reached for him again, but Hux stepped away.

“You hurt me so much, more than anyone, but you also gave me what I’d never had, what I’d always wanted. So thank you for that, Ren, from the bottom of my heart. I’m going to wake up now.”

And Hux did just that. He opened his eyes to see Lan’s sleeping, beautiful face and forgot the fading echo of a sobbed plea in his ears. 

  
  


**

  
  


In Asher’s room, she and Valance came to in a daze. They held each other, like frightened children in the dark and whispered sadly to each other.

They thought they’d found him, but a dark, raging sorrow had chased them from the place where he might be.

  
  


**

  
  


In his little hut, Kylo Ren, perhaps Ben Solo, sunk deeper into his agony than ever before.

Being Ren had gotten him nothing. But neither had returning to his former self, Ben Solo. Really, he knew he could never erase all he’d done. He could never be an innocent child again, but it had been nice trying to pretend. But now, what was the point?

He punched his hand through a window and bled with satisfaction.


	15. My Faith Is Sick and My Skin Is Thin as Ever

_Who is Lan?_

_Where is Lan?_

_Ah._

_Are you Lan?_

_No, you aren’t his type. And--oh, fuck. Disgusting._

_Why are they disgusting to me? Clinging to each other like that?_

_I’m disgusting. How could something from me want me?_

In his sleep, Mika’s brow furrowed. Kero clung more tightly to him, whimpering.

_Here, is this the one? No, he’s bald. Hux would require me to have hair._

_Are you? No, you aren’t, are you? You are dreaming of--oh, kriff, Hux’s little lieutenant? What kind of idiot are you?_

_Oh, me. Right. But that little meek thing? Really?_

In turn, Chero and Kazan both mumbled and turned away or lashed out with a fist.

In the next room, Asher and Valance slept side by side, fully dressed, clutching each other’s hands atop the blankets, fast asleep. 

Neither really registered, but both heard a voice in their minds, dripping vitriol in a Republic accent:

_I fucking hate you._

In her sleep, Asher bit her lip until it bled.

_Who is Lan? Where, where?_

At last, the final occupied room. A body prone on the bed, head buried under a pillow. This was familiar; he used to do this after fights, after punishments, after choking someone he once, perhaps, loved?

“Who’s there?” the body asked, sitting up in bed. Not aloud. So, the clones had the Force too. He’d wondered. He’s said nothing, not reached out, but this one was awake, sensed him.

_Who is Lan?_

The clone smiled. It was not a nice smile. He nearly pulled away, unnerved by familiar darkness.

“You are our father, sort of, aren’t you?” the clone asked.

He did not wish to reply. Tendrils of dark reached out to him, familiar, yes. Caressing, coaxing. Comforting him in his rage and pain.

“Lan is not here, Father,” the clone said. He smiled prettily, more prettily than he ever had, surely. No wonder Hux took one to his bed.

The clone’s smile grew wider and wicked.

“He is with your general, Father. Does that anger you? It angers me. I feel your pain.” And the clone reached out across a vast distance to him, but he shied away.

_I do not seek you,_ he told it. It scowled in return. _Where is Lan?_

“Look for yourself. Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” the clone said petulantly.

The petulance was also familiar.

But then the clone seemed to ponder.

“Father,” it called after him, “I am Errol. I am here, should you need me. Only I am on your side here. I want to know you, Father. Please.”

He grunted in response and left the clone without noticing the glint in his eye and his shark-like grin.

He reached out through the galaxy, to each knight, throughout the Finalizer. Everything he saw shocked him. He’d meant for Hux to have the ship, yes. But he saw Peavey and a woman laughing with the timid lieutenant and some other people he didn’t know.

Mitaka! That was his name!

He had a tiny baby in his arms, and the older woman beside Peavey cooed at the child.

He’d never really desired children, but now he wondered what Hux would like with a babe cuddled in his arms.

He continued on and saw no Stormtroopers. This shocked him. Where was Hux’s security? His warriors? Where was anyone but the few people required to run the FInalizer during the sleep cycle? The ship was virtually empty, it seemed.

He sought out Hux’s quarters now.

Millicent. The crew had kept her for Hux. As if Hux had known, somehow, the Finalizer was safer for her.

Her paw twitched. She was dreaming. Such an insignificant life, but so much a part of every moment he’d spent here. He tried to see what she dreamed; but the moment he tried, she woke with a hiss.

She stood and looked around. Finding nothing, she padded through the open bedroom door.

He followed through the Force.

How this had killed his mother and uncle but not Palpatine, he’d no clue. It really made no sense at all. It was almost child’s play.

And here, in this room, so important to him, so filled with memories he’d learned to cherish these last few months--here, he recoiled in horror and agony.

In his bed with his Hux lay a stranger. But not. The face was so similar to his own.

Hux and Lan--this was Lan--were wrapped tight around one another, holding each other, slumbering peacefully.

Kylo Ren entered Lan’s mind for one brief moment to speak and left the clone moaning, pained.

He said: _I want to kill you._

  
  


**

  
  


The next morning, Asher woke with tears in her eyes. Valance still clutched her hand, awake but unmoving. His eyes were wide. The way he looked frightened her.

“Val?” she whispered as she sat up.

He turned to look at her.

“Ash, he’s found us.”

He squinted at her, pulled his hand from her to tilt her chin up.

“Your lip’s been bitten.”

“He hates us,” she whispered.

She looked like the child she’d been long ago, small, afraid of the Force users around her when she came to Luke’s temple. Even though she was older, his instinct was always to protect her; even though she could soundly thrash him. She was his first family that he could ever remember. If he had to choose, he’d always have chosen his found sister. Even if it had pitted him against Kylo, Snoke, the other knights, the entire Order. For him, fleeing with Hux and Asher had been a very easy choice.

Not so for her.

Valance sighed. “He does. But he’s alone.”

“That’s the problem. He should never be alone.”

He gave a hopeful shrug. “Maybe we can help him.”

She looked at him dubiously.

“If he is alone, it is because he chooses to be,” Valance told her firmly.

“I know. But you know him. He won’t come to us. Not for that.”

“Well. Maybe we can hug him into submission,” he replied with a smile.

She tried to chuckle, but it became a doleful sigh.

“It’s time to warn the others, Val.”

He nodded, his demeanor now mirroring hers as they leaned against each other for support.

  
  


**

  
  


Errol stalked the corridors of the Finalizer. He was seldom seen without his mask. His brilliant smile attracted more than one admiring glance. How interesting! How satisfying. He opened himself to their thoughts.

_He’s even more attractive than the original._

_He smiles more than Kylo Ren did._

_The knights aren’t celibate anymore. Maybe I can snag one for myself. I definitely want that one._

His smile widened.

_Huh,_ came a new voice, one he recognized. _Errol’s out and about without a mask. What’s he up to?_

Errol’s smile slipped a bit as he looked around.

Ah, Valance’s pet officer.

He approached Thannison slowly, like a smiling predator.

“Hello, sir,” he said.

“Hello, Errol,” Thannison replied coolly. “Where’s your mask?”

Errol studied the slim man before him. Thannison had grown his hair out, and it curled charmingly over his forehead. Errol knew Valance liked it that way. Thannison took a careful step back from Errol and studied his datapad. He wore a loose tunic over his uniform pants that Errol knew belonged to Valance.

Errol narrowed his eyes.

“You know,” he said softly, “Valance was in Asher’s room all night, right? He didn’t leave until this morning.”

“I know. He told me,” Thannison replied. Now, it was his turn to study the knight with narrowed eyes.

“He slept with her.”

Thannison arched a brow.

“I already know everything. He has nothing to hide, Errol. I trust him. I trust her. I do not trust you. Why don’t you tend to your own garden instead of trampling all over others’?”

Errol gaped after Thannison as he calmly walked away. He caught one last fleeting thought from Valance’s lover.

_I’ll have to warn sweetness about that one. He’s dangerous…_

Thannison’s thought faded from Errol’s mind. He scowled after the retreating form and muttered under his breath, “Fuck.”

  
  


**

  
  


Hux turned from his kettle as he heard Lan stumbling from the bedroom. Lan was naked, his skin dimpled from the chill, and Hux wanted to devour him whole.

Lan approached him and wrapped his arms all the way around his slim frame. He maneuvered one hand under Hux’s black robe to lay against his heart.

“Good morning, you,” Hux mumurmed into Lan’s big, lovely ear.

Lan groaned, burying his nose into Hux’s hair. He desperately needed a trim, and he’d neglected shaving the last two mornings because Lan loved the feel of his growing stubble against the soft meat of his inner thigh.

“Hey, listen, I had a dream last night,” Hux said quietly. “It was strange. It felt so real.”

Lan tensed. “What was it?” he asked.

Hux noted the trepidation in his voice but ignored it. Surely the telling would relieve him of his fear.

“I dreamed,” Hux began, “that I was in a forest with Kylo Ren. I think he wanted me back, but I confronted him about all he’d done to me. He had precious little to say in his own defense, but I almost felt sorry for him.”

“Yeah?” Lan’s voice quavered against his sideburn.

“Almost, beloved. And then I informed him that I loved you, because he kept asking who you were.”

Lan pulled away.

“What?” he asked incredulously.

“I told him I loved you. And then I thanked him for giving me my ship, my family, you--and then I woke up.”

Hux smiled beatifically at Lan.

“It was incredibly cathartic,” he said.

Lan, however, was shaking.

“What is it, baby?”

“Armitage, that was no dream.”

Hux’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“I think--I think last night Kylo Ren came to you. I think that was him.”

Hux’s eyes widened. His hand flew to his mouth as he began shivering in Lan’s arms.

“I said that to him? All of that?” he whispered, more to himself than Lan. He was torn between feeling truly free for the first time, and drowning in utter sorrow for dismissing Ren in such a way. Hux knew he couldn’t take Ren back, but he regretted suddenly, somehow, condemning Ren to such loneliness and isolation. He knew what that was like, so did Ren; and for many years, they’d clung together just to have someone see themselves, to know they existed.

Had he negated Ren’s existence? No doubt Ren had done that to him. And Hux resented that; but he’d also loved Ren, and he never wanted Ren to feel those awful things again.

But Ren was out of his hands.

Hand still over his mouth, he raised his eyes to Lan’s face. Lan could see the turmoil in Hux’s heart. Lan could empathize, because Lan was Lan, and very little like the Kylo Ren he’d known and loved.

“Do you wish to take it back, Armitage?”

Hux reflected but a second.

“No,” he said with certainty. "I’m sorry Ren hurts, but I’m yours. I told him I love you, Lan, and I meant it. Whether he’s here or in my mind, nothing changes.”

Lan trembled in his arms.

“You,” Hux stated emphatically, “Lan Ren, are my home.”

Lan released a breath neither realized he’d held, and rested his head against Hux’s.

“I’m your home.” It was almost a question.

“Yes,” Hux affirmed, and then he surprised himself by blurting out:

“Marry me.”

The two men stared at each other in shock for a moment, processing what had just been uttered.

Hux straightened and said again, this time confidently, “ Marry me, Lan Ren.”

Lan sensed the truth of these words, these feelings. He knew things could change, he knew it; but Hux believed emphatically that he loved and wanted Lan.

“Yes,” Lan whispered.

And Hux beamed at him. He didn’t know any living being could look so happy, so beautiful. His heart ached; looking at Hux was like staring at a sun. He thought he’d go blind. So be it. If the last thing he saw was the joy on the face of the man he loved, the joy he himself gave the man he loved--well, he could die satisfied.

Die.

His face fell.

“What?” Hux asked. He sounded frightened. Frightened he’d be rejected again.

Most of his life was rejection.

But not this time, Lan thought to himself. Never me.

“Kylo Ren found us last night,” he told Hux. “He hates me. He wants to kill me.”

Lan felt fear. What a peculiar tang it left in his mouth.

Hux’s face darkened. He took Lan’s precious, precious face between his hands.

“He never will. You are mine. I will not let him harm you in any way. If he touches you, I will bring the wrath of the entire galaxy down on his head.”

The logistics didn’t matter. Hux’s sincerity did. Lan kissed him.

“I love you more than life,” he told Hux.

Hux’s eyes shone brightly with tears. No one had ever said such things to him before. Not even Valance. How no one could ever not want this man more than anything baffled Lan. He knew the monster Hux had been. Hux had told him everything. But in his core, this gleaming precious thing was who Hux was. He’d been locked away for decades, but he’d come out for Lan.

“I need to feel you, Armitage, please. Fuck me,” he murmured.

The tea was forgotten, and Millie left her breakfast in annoyance as her father and her new pet pleasured each other on the counters.

  
  


**

  
  


It was high noon when he finally came from the old cottage. He vaguely recalled hearing Wicket tell him of Noa and Cindel, a whole other lifetime ago. 

Two lifetimes.

This was his third. Fourth? He was losing track now.

The sun hurt his eyes.

He’d been lost in meditation for so long, he’d almost lost himself. No Hux to bring him back to himself now. He blinked against the brightness, against the tears that contemplated falling.

He’d lost himself to anger. To hurt. To sorrow. To self-loathing, that sentiment that lay behind everything in all of his lifetimes.

After the Finalizer, he’d reached out to the scavenger, but she’d been appalled. She was with the traitor and the pilot and the little mechanic. With all of them in the way he’d only ever been with Hux.

How could some people collect love like shells on a shore, so many and so lovely; but others never managed to keep one? It wasn’t fair. Rey had so much love in her life--his mother, his father he knew; Chewie; Poe and Finn and that girl, Rose? He’d lost them all--his own doing, he knew. But even when he tried to make amends to the entire galaxy, no one had wanted to keep him.

He wanted to show Hux he could be good. He wanted validation. Redemption.

Perhaps by giving the Finalizer, by stopping the Final Order, by giving him copies of himself to do with as he pleased?

But he was unfair too.

He’d thought Hux crueller than he actually was. Instead of killing the clones, taking his fury and hurt at Ren out on them, he’d accepted them into his new-found clan. He’d given them purpose, a family. He’d taken one as a lover. He’d given the others a sense of entitlement to take lovers.

Hux hadn’t wanted him.

Nor had his two remaining knights. Though they’d reached out to him, he knew it wasn’t due to a desire for his return.

They wanted to tell him to stay away.

No one wanted him in the end. After being sought for and fought for, after throwing everyone away, he was left to himself. And he hated himself more than everyone else ever could.

But, he considered, perhaps Errol might need a proper master.


	16. Oh the Glory of It All was Lost on Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this late update! I was away all last weekend and I started a new job. But I'm back to work this week!

Hux appeared on the bridge at his customary time. Everyone already there from the morning’s shift change greeted him; if any of them tried to cover a knowing smile, well, Hux decided he was in a good enough mood to ignore them. Even Peavey gave him a tiny smile when he showed up a bit later. Hux merely arched a bush brow at him.

Lan had returned to the knights’ quarters after their morning congress, and now another stood beside him. Of late, some of them had dispensed with wearing masks. Hux had recently allowed it, but the clones were still wary of showing their faces. Beside him now stood, he thought, Mika. This Ren was so pretty, he almost looked like the original’s mother, or grandmother. His hair was braided down his back, and his large eyes studied Hux carefully.

For now, Hux ignored the knight’s gaze and continued to talk with his staff. For the first half of the morning, Peavey and Mitaka updated him on everything--or nearly so--from the previous day. Mika’s eyes bored into him the entire time. In the afternoon, he went over accounts and inventory. Somehow, perhaps because of Ren, they were doing well.

After a late tea, Hux sat alone staring out the viewport. He dearly missed Lan and wished he would visit.

Soft footsteps approached his desk.

He turned his chair toward the room.

The knight gazed at his hands, somehow not very much like Ren’s, or Lan’s. They seemed smaller, more delicate.

“Can I help you--Mika, is it?” Hux asked.

Mika’s lashes delicately brushed his cheeks.

“Permission to speak freely, sir?” he asked.

Hux waved a hand to indicate Mika should speak.

“Forgive me, Master,” Mika said quietly, “but we have missed our brother these last couple of days. I do not mean to intrude on your affairs, but we worry for him, you see. He left us--rather out of sorts yesterday.”

“Yes, I’m aware,” Hux said slowly. He gave no prompting, wanting to see how Mika would talk to him. About what he wished to speak.

“He seemed happy this morning, sir, when he returned.”

“Good. If Lan is happy, I’m happy,” Hux replied. He couldn’t help but smile as he drummed his fingers on his desk.

“I’m pleased to hear it, sir.”

Mika was a bit frustrated that he hesitated to speak openly after being granted permission to do so. Kero would simply ask, wouldn’t he? Mika had no trouble with Asher or Valance, but Hux was his master’s master.

Mika blurted, “What are your intentions toward my brother, sir?”

Hux’s eyes widened.

“That’s a bold question, Mika,” Hux said casually. The smile didn’t leave his face; his voice was low, but not threatening.

“Forgive me--I---”

Was Master Hux angry? Had Mika irrevocably damaged their professional relations?

The worry must have shown clearly on Mika’s face, because Hux leaned forward, folding his hands together.

“You love your brother, don’t you?”

“Yes, sir, we do very much.”

“So do I, Mika. So do I. He knows this. He knows I want to be with him.”

Mika raised his eyes.

Hux looked sincere. The feelings Mika felt from him matched his words. Hux’s bushy brows reached for his hairline. He looked almost worried. As if he were concerned that Mika would not approve. As if he feared he would not get Mika’s blessing. Mika was stunned when he realized that was at least part of Hux’s concerns.

“Perhaps he didn’t tell you?” Hux asked.

“Tell me what?”

Hux looked nervous. He wrung his hands and looked away from Mika.

“Sir?”

“I, ah, proposed to him this morning. He accepted.”

Mika gaped. His anxiety--always bubbling under the surface, despite his placid exterior--grew, and he began to quiver.

“Was that wrong?” Hux asked him suddenly. He stood abruptly.

“Sir, it is not my place to say,” Mika murmured and backed away from Hux’s desk.

“Please, Mika. He respects your opinion.”

Mika was shocked. Hux perhaps knew about the other Rens? He took an interest in Lan’s family. Mika cocked his head. A soft tendril of hair floated across his cheek.

“To be frank, sir, the timing is not the most...fortuitous. One of our brothers seems to be jealous of the attentions Lan receives.”

Hux’s brow furrowed. “Really?”

“Pardon me, sir, but Master Asher and Brother Valance are handling things. You shouldn’t worry about your knights.”

Hux remained silent.

“And,” Mika said, and then paused to consider. “I’m not certain how much Lan has told you, sir.”

Hux’s face fell.

“Kylo Ren.”

“You know?”

“I’ve known for a time. I could tell.”

Mika looked nonplussed. 

“I thought you didn’t use the Force?”

“I don’t,” Hux replied. “One doesn’t need the Force to deduce that perhaps Ren is alive and is our patron and now knows all about you, your brothers, and me and Lan.”

Mika covered his mouth.

“I felt him,” Mika whispered fearfully.

“Yes. I thought I dreamed him and told him all about us. I believe he’s less than pleased.”

Hux’s hand swiped over his face.

Mika stopped toward him, his countenance fearful. Hux flinched and moved toward the viewport.

“I didn’t know,” Hux said, raising his hands.

“You proposed to my brother right as Kylo Ren finds us? Did you dream him before or after you proposed? Do you really mean to wed Lan? Or will you throw him over for Kylo Ren?”

The lights in the wall, the datapad on Hux’s desk, his chair--everything began to tremble; the lights flickered. A low hum filled the air.

Hux cowered before the transparisteel.

Mika had never felt such fury. It was strange and horrifying how it squeezed at his heart and made his skin burn. And his master, the only man to whom his own true master bowed now--he looked so frightened of Mika, so small huddling away from him. Mika almost felt a surge of power; overcome by a feeling he’d never before felt, he backed away across the room.

“Something is terribly wrong, Master Hux. Forgive me! I do not know from where this anger comes.”

“It comes from Kylo Ren,” Hux murmured. He looked so very sad, it tugged at Mika’s heart. “Please leave Mika.”

Mika rushed from Hux’s office, wishing dearly that he still wore his mask. He rushed through the corridors, shoving through terrified people and barely apologizing. He flung his senses throughout the Finalizer and sought Kero frantically.

Where are you, where are you? he begged.

Kero!

He shot into a lift and hastily hit his floor, closed the doors. No one dared join him, so he leaned his forehead against the lift wall and began to weep.

He had never felt such anger. Certainly, he’d only lived a few months, but he’d been so sure of himself; had never believed himself capable of such rage.

The lift stopped, and he fled into his rooms.

“Hey, your shift isn’t over yet,” Chero called.

Mika ignored him and stepped into his own room, his and Kero’s, his only safe place in the universe, and flung himself onto their bed.

Kero, please, I need you!

“What is it, dearest Mika?”

Mika turned.

It was not Kero.

“Errol, leave me,” Mika said sternly.

“Oh, darling, what’s the matter? Has something upset you?”

“Never mind, Errol. Just leave!”

Errol tsked and sat on the bed beside his pretty brother. Mika’s hair fell in soft tendrils around his face. Errol grinned and grasped Mika’s face sharply in his fingers.

“You feel very angry, Mika. I’ve never felt this from you. Not at all. Are you quite all right?”

“Leave me!”

“Are you feeling the rage of our predecessor bleed into you too? Who would have thought you’d feel it? You too.” Errol laughed. “Oh, what would the others say? Dear, perfect, calm little Mika feeling such rage! And who is with Hux now, dearest?”

Mika’s eyes bulged from his head. He’d left Hux alone! He knew Hux was safe, but he’d shirked his duty. His duty! He’d never done that before. He was unworthy to be called a Knight of Ren if he’d behaved like this!

He pulled away from his brother, buried his face in the pillows of his bed. Errol laughed.

Footsteps pounded into the chambers. The door burst open, and Kero was there, his precious Kero, his beloved. With his curls and his roguish smile and crinkly eyes from laughing so much.

Oh, stars, how he’d dishonored his brothers, his master, his dearest heart!

“Kero!” he wept.

Kero glared at Errol, who only gazed coolly back at him.

“Get away from Mika,” Kero growled.

Errol stood.

“He’s not such an angel, you know, Kero,” Errol sneered.

“He doesn’t have to be, Errol He’s never had to be,” Kero said and strode over to his brother, grabbed him by his cowl, pulled him close. “He only has to be with me, and that is all. That is ever all. And you will never have anything if you behave like this. Leave us. Now.”

Kero shoved him through the door and locked it behind him.

“My love,” he said. He climbed onto the bed and dragged Mika into his arms. “What happened, Mika?”

“I can’t--” Mika wept.

“Then show me, love.”  
  


Mika nodded. He nestled deeper into Kero’s arms and showed him all of it. Hux. Lan. The rage.

Kero’s arms wrapped around him; his fingers loosened his braid and combed out his hair. Mika wept.

“I’ve never felt that! I was so frightened. I was so disgusted!” he cried. “I can’t be knight, not any longer! I’m not worthy of you!”

“Oh, now, my love, that isn’t true at all.”

“But it’s true! I’m awful!”

“We are all part of the same man. We all have different aspects of him.”

“It’s dangerous!”

“Only if you let it be. Now you know, now you can be on your guard.”

“But, Kero--”

“No. Now we know we must all be on our guard. Even Lan. I will have a talk with Asher. They will talk with Hux. And we all must be on our guard with Errol. He--he is not to be trusted.”

“He frightens me.”

Kero frowned. No one had ever frightened Mika before.

“We’ll have to keep him from Hux now, I think. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but Master Hux’s safety is the most important thing.”

Mika nodded. He hid his face in his lover’s neck and wept. All of those emotions--if Kylo Ren felt like this all the time, how awful it must have been for him.

  
  


**

  
  


Hux curled up behind his desk, his datapad against his knees. He quivered against the bottom of the viewport that took up the entire height and breadth of the wall. He muttered to himself and leaned his head back.

Lan had told him, he himself observed!, how Mika was a very even-tempered man. He was supposed to be soft and gentle and mild-mannered. He kept the others under control. But Hux had actually been frightened. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been, but his experience with Force users proved he should be afraid. He had every reason to be.

But.

But Lan didn’t frighten him.

Did he?

How could he?

Or had he made a grievous error in starting something with another Force user? Would Lan always be so dear?

It wasn’t fair to question Lan now.

He breathed out with a quaver.

But Lan was everything to him. He’d made Lan everything to him. He loved Lan; he needed Lan. To break off this engagement, even if it’s hours old, would be the death of Lan.

It would be the death of him.

Why did he always want Force users? He possessed some fatal flaw in his initial design, perhaps.

A tear fell on his datapad.

“Lan,” he whispered.

HIs office door opened.

His heart skipped a beat and then sped up. What he felt wasn’t fear, then. Not fear at all. You were never afraid of Valance, he told himself, and you don’t fear Asher. She’d never hurt you. Even when she was angry she didn’t. Lan never will. He’s the only one who never wants anyone else. He only wants me.

Even with the DNA of Kylo Ren, he’ll never hurt me, Hux thought.

The thought of Lan almost calmed him.

“Master?”

He knew that wasn’t Lan.

He peeked over the edge of his desk, furrowed his brows.

One of the clones stood in the middle of his floor, smiling. Far wider than he’d ever seen Ren smile.

He still compared all of the other clones to Ren. He had slowly begun to compare them to Lan too. And this man had cold eyes, like Ren had in the later days. Like Lan had never possessed. He was also incredibly handsome, objectively speaking; his hair was shorter than Ren's or Lan's, but still covered his ears. His skin was nearly flawless, and his features were sharper than Ren's. He looked like a predator, a very beautiful predator.

“I can see why Lan adores you so much,” the man laughed. “You’re surprisingly cute when you’re suspicious.”

“Which of his brothers are you?” Hux asked.

“I am Errol,” he replied. He leaned on the desk.

Hux frowned.

“You upset him quite a bit,” Hux said reprovingly.

“I was upset. I was...jealous.”

Hux stood. He felt very uncomfortable being at a lower level than Errol. With the other knights--save Lan, before whom he’d knelt rather a few times now--he would never kneel before them because of pride, and because he commanded them. Errol was another thing altogether. It wasn’t just a power dynamic; he felt vulnerable. He felt as if Errol expected something from him if he remained kneeling.

The need to possess rolled off the knight in waves. Hux stood his ground, quirked a brow at Errol.

“I think you usually wear your helm,” Hux observed coolly.

Errol raised his eyebrows, looking quite pleased with himself.

“You’ve noticed?”

“Only because I know the faces I’ve seen.”

“You’ve seen me before, sir.”

“The first day hardly counts.”

Errol lost his smile.

Now, though his features were flawless, unlike Ren’s, he somehow reminded Hux exactly of how Ren looked before Exegol, on the Steadfast. Every time Ren tried to humiliate him, shut him up, antagonize him, prod him into giving Ren just one reason to hurt him, to kill him.

As if Ren weren’t doing that every moment anyway. Every look given, every pointed finger accusing him, every acid comment levied at him had slowly but surely, little by little, eroded any confidence to which Hux could cling; had hurt him to the depth of what little soul remained after he made himself a monster. Every day of that last year with Ren had, if he were honest with himself, taken his life from his own hands.

Now Errol regarded him with the same awful eyes he’d seen in Ren’s face.

In the end, Hux hadn’t been a person to Ren. He’d been a disdained, useless possession. A thing Ren hadn’t needed anymore.

“I think you’d best leave,” Hux said. His voice was cold, possessed an edge of authority to it that anyone seldom questioned.

How much of Ren did this Errol retain?

Errol leaned further over Hux’s desk, but Hux didn’t move; he simply favored the knight with his own disdainful look.

And suddenly, Errol’s nostrils widened as he inhaled deeply. He looked at Hux through his dark lashes, thicker than Ren’s--like Lan’s actually.

Errol sniffed again and smiled.

“You, Armitage,” he said pronouncing Hux’s name carefully, savoring it, “smell delicious. I could eat you up.”

“Get. Out,” Hux ordered, his voice cracking with apprehension.

Errol straightened.

“Merely wanted to check on you. Mika left you with no guard. Sir.”

“I am perfectly safe on this ship.”

“Are you though?” Erool asked flippantly. He winked at Hux once, cheekily, and slipped through the door.

Hux’s knees were shaking behind the desk. He’d certainly felt safe on the Finalizer. Up until this very moment. Yes, Mika had unnerved him; yes, he’d had some panic attacks, some residual anxiety and paranoia. But his people had proven time and again that he’d be safe with them. Here. Home with his vast family. Asher and Valance made certain he knew that he was safe, that he felt safe.

And Lan, who was his home.

This was the first time in weeks, in months, he’d questioned his safety.

He sat down, trembling, in his chair.

  
  


**

  
  


Later than night, Lan came home to him. He entered smiling and swept Hux into his arms. Hux clung to him, buried his face in Lan’s neck to breathe him in. The scent of early morning, of hopeful joy. Of home and comfort and acceptance.

He quivered like a frightened lothcat kitten in Lan’s arms.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Armitage?”

Hux clung more tightly, tried to crawl into Lan’s skin with him, where he’d be hidden, safe; Lan would protect him. Lan would make everything right.

“I don’t want Errol guarding me anymore,” Hux whimpered into Lan’s warm skin.

Lan tensed.

“Did he touch you? Did he hurt you?”

Hux shook his head. “He frightens me. He wants to consume me.”

Lan’s hands tightened against Hux’s back. His jaw clenched painfully.

“Easy, Lan--you’re squeezing me too tight,” Hux murmured into Lan’s ear.

Lan immediately released him.

“I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?”

“Never, my love, never. I’m safe with you,” Hux told him. He took Lan’s face in his hands and stepped away from him, beckoning him with his eyes. “Come make me feel safer, baby.”

Lan trembled and hastened to obey.

  
  


**

  
  


“He fears you, my lord. My master.”

“He’s got good reason to. And I haven’t agreed to be your master. I can barely stand looking at you. Your face--it’s mine, but not.”

“Ah, yes. Forgive me, lord. The Kaminoans sought to improve upon you. Upon perfection.”

Errol thought he’d gone too far in his ingratiation, but something must have resonated with Kylo Ren.

“I’m not perfect,” Ren said.

“Not yet. But you could be. I too wish to be great. I wish to serve you. Master.”

Ren preened. Yes, perhaps he could be great again.


	17. ‘Til I Saw How Hard It’d Be to Reach You

Errol sat in dark silence in his room. He came from his meditation sated, pleased with himself. Kylo Ren would be his master. Kylo Ren could teach him everything. Kylo Ren could wither away and be forgotten afterwards. 

Kylo Ren did not deserve to be welcomed back with open arms. He did not deserve to leave the backwater planet on which he lived now. He did not deserve a legacy like Errol. He did not deserve to take back his ship, his underlings, his knights.

His lover.

No, he did not deserve Armitage Hux. He’d thrown the man away callously, in pursuit of--what? Errol didn’t know, but whatever it was clearly had not been worth it.

He--the mighty Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, whoever he was now--had spurned Armitage Hux. How such a beauty could not have been appreciated by his predecessor Errol could not fathom. He’d wondered, that first day on Kamino, to whom Armitage belonged, and how they’d let him out of their sight. He was so beautiful, Errol at first in his innocence hadn’t realized Hux was a man. Not that he’d comprehended the concept of gender or biological sex. But he recalled stories of firefolk and magical creatures--how he did not know. But for a moment he’d thought Hux was some sort of fire sprite, or something far too beautiful for a mere man to behold.

Errol rose and stripped and laid upon his bed. He reached through the Force, hiding from his brothers. 

Well, almost. He sneered at Mika’s show of temper and subsequent humiliation. How he huddled in his old room, without Kero, and exiled Kero to their shared bed alone.

The bitch deserved it.

Errol concentrated.

He’d spoken with his new master. From whom he would take everything.

Now he would seek out his real master, the man to whom even Asher answered.

He wended his way through the corridors of the Finalizer, his birthright, he knew, until he found the right floor.

The right corridor.

The right room.

He focused his thoughts. 

Sheltered in his brother’s arms was the object of his desire.

Armitage Hux. His soft hair fell across his eyes. His eyelids twitched in his deep slumber, edged with those long, golden lashes. Errol wanted his come lacing those lashes. He wanted those perfectly shaped, lush, pink lips stretched around his cock. He wanted that soft delicate body laid open and wanting under his own body. Those long, slim thighs wrapped around his waist. He could almost feel Hux’s soft, white skin under his hands. Feel the soft warmth of his lips.

He ran his hands slowly over his bed, imagining stroking Hux, imagining his responses.

He was not ashamed to acknowledge that he’d intruded upon Hux and Lan’s pleasure. He was just so curious. And he knew Hux should be his. He was the most like Kylo Ren, but smarter, wiser; he’d treat Hux how he should be treated.

He let his thoughts, his essence, approach the bed in which his brother held the man who would be his own.

He tried to shield himself from Lan, but he knew he would not have much time.

Hux’s perfect mouth opened in a small, “Oh.”

He wanted to put himself into that mouth so badly.

Using the Force, he stroked down Hux’s arm, touched his soft sideburns. He clutched at Hux’s hips and pressed the Force against his back, holding Hux tightly. He could feel the curve of Hux’s surprisingly good ass, the plump curve of it. He could feel Hux’s warmth.

Hux whimpered, huddled closer to Lan.

Errol scowled.

“You should be mine, Armitage. You are so beautiful. You should be reclining in bed at all times waiting for me to claim you. I’d worship this body of yours,” Errol told him.

“No--” Hux muttered in his slumber.

“Yes, beautiful one. Only I can truly give you all you need. All you deserve.”

He ran his metaphysical fingers through the soft strands of Hux’s hair.

Hux whimpered, “No.”

Lan’s eyes opened. His brow furrowed.

“Armitage?”

Errol retreated, but the warmth of Armitage Hux lingered against Errol’s body, in his hands. Holding the memory of it as long as he could, he grasped his own cock, hard, and began stroking until he came, imagining Hux against him, atop him, under him, begging for him, his power.

“Armitage--” he breathed.

Yes, Armitage Hux would be his. Should belong to him.

With his wide smile on his face, Errol finally slept.

  
  


**

Asher sat on the long sofa in the quarters of the knights, her feet planted firmly on the floor, a datapad in front of her. She had spent the morning going over the schedules for them all. When to train, with whom to train, what to study and with whom. Who would guard Hux and when. Not that Hux had to fear anyone on the Finalizer. But after what happened on the Steadfast, she was loathe to leave him unattended.

Mika sat nearby on the couch. He curled into himself, sniffling into his hands. His usually pristine hair floated in tendrils around his face, his braid falling apart.

“I’m so sorry, Master!” he wept. “I don’t know what happened! I have never felt such anger. I didn’t mean to frighten Master Hux. I shouldn’t be allowed near him!”

“For now, I agree, Mika.”

He wept harder.

“I am unworthy to be a knight!”

“Mika. Stop this at once.”

Her voice was gentle, but once again, she found herself wishing for Valance.

Luckily for her, he came in at just that moment.

“What in all hells is going on here?” he asked affably.

“Our brothers are falling apart, Valance,” Asher sighed.

"So I heard," Valance replied. He plopped down beside Mika, who flinched away.

“Hey, hey,” Valance murmured and pulled Mika to his side. “What’s this?”

“I’m wretched, sir. I don’t deserve to be a Knight of Ren!”

“It’s okay,” Valance said.

“No! It isn’t!” Mika sobbed.

“It will be,” Valance replied, eternally the optimist. Asher arched a brow at her brother knight. “You’re just discovering new parts of yourself. You’ll just have to keep learning about yourself and then learning how to handle it all.”

Valance pulled the weeping Mika to his chest and rocked him a little, like he was a child.

Which, Asher supposed, he really was. Only months out of their womblike tanks. Perhaps they needed to be handled like the children they so obviously were.

Then again, they were all far too sexually precocious for their own good. For anyone’s really. It was strange how Kylo Ren’s clones moved so fast, when he had only been with Hux, and he’d been well into his twenties.

She glowered at the man who had first broken the knights’ vow of celibacy. She should have nipped it in the bud back then, denied Valance and Hux both; but the Ren-shaped wounds they all bore had hurt too much. Thus, she had allowed too much. And when she received her new, precious brothers, her dear Rens, she had sworn to herself that none of them would ever feel the pain Kylo Ren had borne. None of them would ever be feared or beaten, lonely or arrogant, haunted and pressured, held to disparate, impossible standards from light or dark. She tried to teach them the Force itself. She knew both sides, had been trained in both; but now, she knew that light or dark were arbitrary designations made by sentient beings. There was, in reality, only the Force, and whether you used it to help or to harm.

She’d been teaching them how to help, and she’d been using her knowledge from both belief systems to do it.

But they exhausted her. Perhaps, since Valance had far more romantic experience, she should make him handle their romantic drama.

She suspected she’d really be the one needing to reign in Errol.

Errol filled her with--not fear, per se, but anxiety at the least. She had a bad feeling, but she felt far too much trepidation to meditate on him. Not yet. Not yet. She couldn’t quite refuse to believe that one of their Rens was a bad jogan fruit, but she began to believe he might be. Her heart ached.

She refocused her attention on Mika and Valance.

Now Mika leaned his head on Valance’s shoulder and explained what he had done. Occasionally, Val nodded or made small sounds of acknowledgment. 

He’d always been the best brother. She’d always loved him more than anyone else--more than her first, her biological family; more than Hux, even more than Ren. She barely recalled a time when there was no Val. More than anything, she’d feared losing him.

She’d kill anyone who harmed Hux, her Rens, her new family. She’d tear apart anyone who harmed Valance. She’d secretly been angry at Hux when he’d broken up with Valance, but she knew how much pain he’d been in, perhaps even more than she and Val, when he’d learned Ren had died.

When they thought he’d died.

She looked at Val again, and he seemed shocked at Mika’s outburst.

“Now that you’re caught up, Valance,” she said, “Mika, would you care to tell us why you were so angry?”

Mika had wept and wailed, paused only when Kero had come to him. But he had slept in his own room, without his lover, and told nearly everything to Asher in the morning.

Everything but the why.

Mika’s face changed instantly at the question.

Ah, he was still angry.

“Well?” she prompted.

“Master Hux is a fool!” Mika spat.

“Hey, now--” Valance scolded.

“No, listen. He has proposed to Lan, and Lan has accepted!”

Valance’s brows shot to where his hairline might have been. Asher felt the blood leave her face.

“And,” Mika continued, “he knows about Kylo Ren.”

  
  


**

  
  


“No, Lan, keep your hands above your head,” Hux told him gently, huskily.

“Want to touch you, please--”

“No. Hold the headboard. Pull your own hair. Do not touch me.”

Lan whimpered. He didn’t know why Armitage wouldn’t allow him to touch him this morning. When they woke up, Hux had pulled away stiffly, risen from the bed, and wandered around as if seeking something.

“Come back to bed, love,” Lan had beseeched him. He was hard, and aching for his fiance.

Hux had smiled, though he seemed distracted, and the distant look in his eyes had hurt so much.

But Hux had returned to him, crawled over his body, and pinned his hands above his head with the directive that he must not touch Hux yet. Not until Hux allowed.

And now Hux rolled his hips against the supple flesh of Lan’s ass, fully sheathed and slowly tormenting the knight.

This was new and strange, and Lan much preferred touching his love, but he’d play along. He knew Armitage would reward him soon.

Lan pulled his own hair, moaned, “I like it better when you pull.”

Hux grinned down at him. His look softened as he leaned down to kiss Lan. Moved his hips again.

“I,” he huffed, “had a bad dream. Someone was here, but I couldn’t see them. Nor did I like them, but they were touching me whilst we slept.”

Lan’s brow furrowed.

“Who was it?”

“I’ve no idea,” Hux said and punctuated every other syllable with a solid thrust that made Lan whine.

“Was it--” Lan began, but paused.

Hux paused too. “It wasn’t Ren, my beloved.”

Lan was relieved for a moment.

“Then who?” he asked.

“No idea. It was simply a bad dream, no doubt brought on by your brothers,” Hux assured him. He’d told Lan, briefly, what had happened before they slept, and had forbidden him from leaving in a fury.

He didn't tell Lan that even his fury unnerved Hux.

Hux had pushed that thought away and climbed into Lan’s lap, pacifying him.

Lan looked up at him, fretting again.

Hux kissed him again.

“You’re having second thoughts,” Lan whimpered through Hux’s energetic ministrations.

“No!” Hux exclaimed, breathless, suddenly fearful. “I want to be with you, my dearest one. But the Force--I’ve grown to fear it. To distrust it.” He took a breath before continuing. “I even panicked over Asher once. Not that long ago.”

He lowered his forehead to Lan’s.

“Forgive me, Lan,” he murmured.

“Always, Armitage,” Lan breathed.

“My love, my treasure,” Hux said with a kiss to Lan’s lips, “my home. Touch me, please.”

If the Force were a barrier between them, Lan would close himself off from it, happily. If Hux asked.

He dragged Hux closer, pulling at his ass, drawing his love deeper. Hux lay atop Lan, trapping Lan’s cock between them, and they swallowed each other’s cries as they climaxed. 

  
  


**

  
  


Hux was dressed and about to send Lan on his way when his door chimed.

“Hmm, who could that be?” Hux asked, and then gave Lan a peck on the lips.

“I suppose we should let them in,” Lan replied and kissed back.

“I suppose so, though I’d much rather ignore them, shirk my duties, and spend the day with you.”

The door sounded more insistently.

“Karking impatient,” Hux muttered.

“Such language from such a pretty mouth,” Lan chuckled.

“I’ll show you what else this pretty mouth can do,” Hux said slyly.

They were about to engage their lips once more when the door screamed open. They stopped, shocked, and looked toward the door.

Asher stood there, her face harsh with uncharacteristic fury. Lan stepped in front of Hux, and she scoffed.

“You know better, boy,” she said sternly. “I would never hurt him, but I will not abide such foolishness. Lan, leave.”

“Master--”

“Leave, Lan. Now. Valance is waiting for you in our chambers.”

She stood implacably in the door. Glaring at the two of them. Hux trembled behind Lan.

She stepped forward.

“Now,” she ordered.

“Go,” Hux whispered and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “It’s fine, baby.”

Lan sighed. He turned to Hux.

And Asher stormed across the distance to grab Lan’s arm and turn Lan to face her.

“No. Now. You will not disrespect me again, Lan. I am your master, and you must remember that. You will go.”

Lan yanked himself from her grasp, his eyes huge. A tear slipped from one as he bowed his head.

Never had she spoken to him in such a manner. Never had she touched him so roughly. Her reprimands had been gentle before, her scoldings quietly measured.

He knew he’d crossed a line.

“Forgive me, master,” he whispered. With a last, tragic look at Hux, Lan quickly left Hux’s chambers.

She rounded on her own master now.

“What were you thinking, Armitage?” she asked. She lowered her voice for him. He still trembled as he stared at her.

“What do you mean?” he asked as casually as he could with a tremulous voice.

“Mika--”

“Don’t scold me about my life, Asher,” he snapped suddenly, “when you can’t control your knights.”

Her jaw clenched.

“He has been taken off duty guarding you. My apologies, sir, but the Rens are still discovering part of themselves.”

Her voice was icy. They glared at each other for a moment. Normally, against nearly anyone else, Hux would win the unspoken test of wills, but he looked away. He suspected Asher had every right--once again--to be furious with him.

“You never cease to amaze me, Armitage,” she said. “You asked Lan to marry you?”

“Please close the door, Asher. I’ve no wish for the entire ship to hear our conversation.”

She closed the door using the Force.

“Are you a complete fool?” she snapped as soon as the door clanged shut.

“Don’t speak to me like that, Asher,” Hux warned.

“Answer the question. Did you propose to Lan?”

“I did. I want to be with him,” Hux said simply.

“Hux. Armitage.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I understand that you are lonely. I understand that you need someone to be your own. But it is too soon. You’ve never worked through all you feel about Kylo Ren.’

“Nor have you,” Hux replied. His voice was defensive.

She sighed. “To be sure. But Lan. He is like a child. He knows only this ship, his brothers. His only experience is being chosen by his master’s master. He is too new to be expected to commit to you in this way. And you are causing tension with the knights.”

Hux shrugged. “It’s your responsibility to control them.”

“It isn’t like you to shirk responsibility, Armitage. And you are the one responsible for this drama.”

Hux couldn’t meet her eyes. He knew she was right. He’d known she’d be angry, but he’d wanted Lan anyway. He should have taken more care; because now that he’d crossed a line too, she would take Lan away.

He knew too that he hadn’t been in his right mind for some time. Since before the Steadfast, before Crait and the Supremacy. Perhaps he’d slowly been losing his mind since before Starkiller Base was destroyed. That had probably been the final straw.

Because, honestly, he’d been hurting, his facade cracking, since the moment he’d known he had lost Ren forever. That moment Ren had coldly called him, “General,” and then threatened him. And walked away without a backward glance. From Hux. The only man Ren had ever kissed, the only person with whom Ren had ever slept. It was the first time Ren had thrown him away, the first of many times. Until the very end, when Asher had saved him because Ren hadn’t cared.

He felt a tear roll down his nose. He heard Asher sigh.

He was still so pitiful.

“Please don’t take Lan away, Asher,” he whispered.

  
  


**

  
  


Boundaries.

They had agreed on boundaries. Once again. Lan could not live with him. They could not plan a wedding. Postpone the engagement, Asher said. Let Lan learn how to figure out what he wanted.

“What if he doesn’t want me?” Hux asked.

“Then he isn’t for you,” she said.

Hux felt like a wall had come between them. 

Maybe she didn’t want him either.

“Armitage, Lan can’t validate your existence. That’s not fair to expect him to do that,” Asher told him.

He sipped the tea she’d made him.

“How do I feel like I should exist when everyone always told me the opposite?”

“Everyone?” She looks hurt. “What about Valance? What about me? What about all of your officers and crew who came back for you. Even if Lan did find someone else, he wanted you first.”

Hux observed his tea, his hands--pale and delicate--clutching at the warmth of his cup.

Perhaps she was right.

She and Valance chose him. His people followed. Lan adored him.

It couldn’t fix him, but it could help, if he let it.

They chose him, an unloved bastard of the Empire.

Over Kylo Ren.

Ren who lived.

Ren who wasn’t chosen.

Ren who was alone.

Ren, who knew he’d chosen Lan.

Yet, in spite of everything, though Ren had hurt him so very much, he ached for Ren. They’d been through so much together, been at such odds, that it seemed there had always been Armitage Hux and Kylo Ren.

Once he’d thought so. That there would always be Ren and Hux.

But Ren, he only wanted Hux when it was convenient. So, maybe, Hux thought, it was time to let Ren go for good and all. He’d haunted Hux long enough. He shouldn’t bring this specter into his relationship with Lan. Asher was right. he’d told Ren he loved Lan, and he did; but he also needed Ren to mean nothing to him anymore.

  
  


**

  
  


“The engagement is postponed, Master.”

“Engagement?”

“Hux was engaged to Lan, yes? For a day anyway. Well, Asher has done you a favor and held it at bay for now. She insists they wait.”

Kylo Ren inhaled sharply. He looked horrible, Errol thought. He couldn’t even bother to clean up his Force projection. He stood in the midst of Errol’s room with tattered clothes, peasant’s clothes, unwashed hair in desperate need of a trim, and a pathetic attempt at a beard. And he refused to look at Errol. Errol barely managed to refrain from sneering. He was superior to the original in every way. 

“If you wished, I’m sure you could take him. Take it all.”

“Yes. Were I there in the flesh, he could not refuse me.”

“Never, Master. Who could ever refuse you?”

Kylo Ren gave a small smile.

“He knows my power. He likes power.”

“Yes, Master,” Errol simpered with all the devotion he could fake. And Kylo Ren stood a little straighter. Errol continued, “Master, you could have everything. Let me help you. Please, Master, teach me all you know, and I will do all I can to give you all of this. It is only my duty to serve the strongest and most deserving, my lord. Only remember me when I deliver the Finalizer into your hands.”


	18. I Think About You Way More Than Anything Else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the book Hux is reading for fun in this chapter is basically the galactic version of Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. Because why not?

Wicket and Teebo strode through the forest. They had known a human was in old Noa’s cabin, had lived there for months; but Teebo had spoken to Kneesaa, and she had forbidden anyone from approaching, even in friendship. Warrior though he was, Teebo was strong in his magic and sensed that this human might be dangerous, volatile. The most the villagers of Bright Tree did was to leave the stranger baskets of food and their special soap. As a token of peace. Teebo had glimpsed the human once or twice--a huge, tall male with black hair. He looked angry at first and then sad. The first time the man had taken the basket, he’d gone inside the cabin and cried. Teebo had sneaked under a window and had heard the most gut-wrenching sobs. But the darkness had not abated.

Now, he and Wicket approached the cabin. It had been a time since he’d seen the man. Carefully, they peeked through the door. It was clean and empty.

On the old table sat a basket of flowers and berries. A note beside it said simply, in competent Ewokese, “Thank you for your help.”

Teebo and Wicket looked at each other.

From outside, they heard a low roar in the distance. They exited the cabin and looked up at the sky.

A ship was leaving atmosphere. It soared high in the sky, elegant and black; vaguely imperial but sharper, more streamlined, something special made just for someone special. Somehow, Teebo sensed it. That was a ship designed with care and attention by someone who cared about its pilot. He wondered, vaguely, if it had been created for their stranger. 

Not that it mattered now.

The man was gone.

Wicket took up the basket; he and Teebo returned to the village.

  
  


**

  
  


Ren didn’t bother to tell his new apprentice. Errol would know soon enough. Perhaps this was a test, Ren thought.

For what--he didn’t know.

He did know, now, with absolute certainty, that he’d made a terrible mistake.

He’d chosen the wrong person in his second life. He wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

Days ago, he’d told her.

He’d girded up his loins and sought her out. Perhaps for old time’s sake, he wasn't sure. But he needed to state his intent to someone, and he needed closure for himself.

She had closure, she’d told him, so he was as selfish as ever.

“I made a mistake,” he said.

“Good of you to say, but that’s stating the obvious, Ben,” Rey replied wearily. “What’s it to do with me?”

“I have no one else to talk to.”

“I don’t want to talk to you. I wondered how you could be alive. I meditated on it after the last time you bothered me, because I thought you were dead,” she said bitterly. She really must hate him, he thought. She looked at him through their tenuously reforged connection. “I don’t hate you. But I want nothing to do with you. You haven't really changed, Ben. If you think sacrificing a clone was acceptable--”

“What should I have done, died myself?”

Rey remained silent.

“I didn’t want to die.”

“Your clone was an innocent.”

“It’s too late for that now.”

“Indeed.” She sighed heavily and glowered at him. “What do you even want?”

“I know we’re done. I know you have closure, you’re happy--” Ren began.

She gestured for him to go on.

“I’m glad,” he said.

She looked surprised.

“And I know our bond was false. We weren’t a dyad. It was all manufactured. You’re right. Or you’d never have severed our bond so easily, more than once. I know that now. I do,” he insisted when she raised a brow at him.

“Good for you. Are we through?”

Her impatience, her suspicion hurt him, but he knew he deserved it.

  
“There’s someone I hurt. I left. And he’s the one I should have been with. The Force tried to tell me, even though the emperor convinced me for over a year it was you. It’s always been him. He’s not even Force-sensitive, but sometimes I can reach him.”

Her eyes grew wide.

“He’s alive?”

Her face grew fierce.

Shit, Ren thought.

“I need to ask you, please, Rey. Please. He’s not trying to rebuild the Order. He’s trying to rebuild himself. I took everything from him. I hurt him so badly.”

“You’re telling me the Starkiller lives?”

“Rey, listen! Just leave him be! I need to fix all of this. You’d find out eventually, but he’s not doing anything. Please, Rey, this is the first time in my life I know what the Force wants!”

“It wants you to--what, marry him and live happily ever after? You don’t get that, Ben. Neither does he. You don’t deserve it.”

Her voice wasn’t harsh, only matter-of-fact.

“I know we don’t. I know it. But before you and your Republic come after us, give us a head start? I swear on my family, Rey--”

“You really don’t get to do that!” she snapped, and tears stung her eyes.

They were her family now. Not his. He had no family. He’d thrown them all away.

Including Hux, the only person he’d ever chosen to love of his own volition. Hux had been his choice--or, maybe, the one fated for him without anyone else’s influence but the Force’s.

Ren swallowed thickly. “He’s the only one I ever figured out how to love, even a little.”

Rey studied him.

“I can’t judge you for that, I suppose. Palpatine confused me too. I never loved you, really. No offense,” she added. “But I didn’t tell Finn all I needed to when I should have. I was lucky I got to fix it.”

She smiled softly, and it wasn’t for Ren. It never should have been, and now they both knew it. He needed her to know he knew too.

“Rey? Babe?” a voice called behind her. It was the traitor--it was Finn. “Who’re you talking to?”

“Ben,” she told him honestly. His face darkened.

“He wanted to tell me he’s got it through his skull we’re not meant to be.”

Finn’s brow furrowed. “Oh, okay. Well, good. Tell him to get himself sorted then.”

Finn kissed her cheek and left whatever room it was in which Rey sat.

“He knows I’m alive?” Ren asked, shocked.

“Of course. What did I just tell you?”

“Oh.”

“Listen, Ben. Really, we are done this time. Do what Finn says and get yourself sorted. You helped save the galaxy, in your backwards, selfish way, and so did your boyfriend. Go to him, do what you need to, and don’t let any of us hear of hide nor tail of you. Don’t give me a reason to, and I won’t hunt you both down.”

“Thank you, Rey.”

“And--good luck,” she told him softly.

And then she broke their connection harshly, with more finality than before. It hurt. He winced and rested his head in his hands.

And it hurt because--he might very well be alone now forever. He’d grown used to having the option of talking to her, though she did it grudgingly--only twice, thrice.

Errol was his final connection. A connection to Hux. He didn’t reach out to him, not yet. He didn't want to give the Finalizer a chance to blow him out of space.

He wiped his eyes. Tears, of course. No mask behind which to hide.

He dropped back down into the Force and sought the Finalizer. Sought the only person whom he was ever meant to love.

  
  


**

  
  


Hux slept fitfully again.

Over the course of just a couple of days, he’d grown accustomed to Lan’s presence beside him in bed. Now that Lan was taken from him yet again, he was cold and nervous, even fearful. Only once since the last time had he felt a strange presence in his room; and the second time, he’d known it was no dream. He’d awakened immediately to phantom touches along his side, and it had fled. Whatever it was, whoever. It hadn’t happened again; it had been days now, but sleeping alone terrified him more than it ever used to do.

Tonight, he woke up and padded silently to the door of his quarters. He opened it, looked at the knight.

They all wore masks again. Even Valance. Asher had laid down the rules.

The knight returned his look.

“Sir?” he said. “Is everything okay?”

“Fine, yes, yes.”

“Shall I fetch Master Asher?”

“No, that’s unnecessary.”

And he closed his door again.

He made himself tea and forced Millicent to lay in bed with him.

He bundled himself in covers, with Lan’s pillow in his lap, and read some trifle of a novel Peavey had mentioned to him the other day in an attempt to have a friendly chat. Hux still had difficulties with friendly chats.

But he’d been so surprised--not just at Edrison’s newfound affability, but that he read for fun. Fiction!

Hux found himself even more shocked that he enjoyed it too. It was a tale of a prince and a planetary chancellor’s son who fall in love. Peavey had gotten it from his wife. He’d sheepishly told Hux and Mitaka about it. Well, really, he’d told Mitaka. They were close, like father and son now.

Hux had decided to try it. It was, perhaps, a little too close to home. The difficulty of maneuvering an affair in an even remotely political climate was more difficult than it should be.

Tonight, for some reason, it made him think of Ren. He put down his datapad and buried his face in Lan’s pillow. It only smelled a little like him now, but Hux would take what he could get. Maybe he could have dinner with Lan tomorrow. He hoped.

Suddenly, Millicent leapt from beside him, hissing. She jumped from the bed and ran from the room.

Hux’s eyes grew wide.

“Who’s there?” he whispered.

Something brushed his fringe from his face. He flinched, scrambled to Lan’s side of the bed.

“Hux,” a voice whispered. It came from his side of the bed. It didn’t approach him. “Hux, I’m coming for you.”

A strangled cry left Hux’s throat.

Ren.

It had to be. Must be Ren.

Had Ren been here earlier? Touching him inappropriately? Like a few nights ago? 

Were his words a promise or a threat?

  
  


**

  
  


Early in the morning cycle, Errol made sure to emerge from his room after everyone but Hux’s guard for the night was already gathered.

He dressed in his best, most striking black and violet tunic and leggings, did his hair, copied Kazan and added kohl to his eyes.

He looked elegant. He looked beautiful. He looked like he was ready to be taken seriously.

And then he left his bedroom, ready to become the man he knew he was, the man Asher and Valance refused to just let him be.

All his brothers save Kero were on the couch, chatting and catching up on galactic news. Asher sat with Lan; the two spoke in hushed, urgent whispers. Probably about Hux, because that’s all about which Lan talked.

Soon Lan would only be able to talk about Hux. If he were lucky.

Hux would be his own.

He looked around. Only Valance and Kero were missing, and Valance would be here soon enough.

“Well, no wonder you took so long,” Chero said gruffly to him. “What’s with the fancy clothes, brother?”

Errol grimaced, said, “I feel as if we’re refusing to acknowledge the inevitable.”

“What?” Asher asked suddenly, turning from Lan. “What is it, Errol?”

Her eyes were suspicious.

He had a sudden fear that she knew what he’d been doing--communicating with Kylo Ren, learning from him; copying his technique to Force project. Visiting Hux at night whilst the former general slept. Watching him, daring to touch him.

He stopped that train of thought and stared hard at her.

“Why are we pretending that there is no need to prepare for the inevitable return of Kylo Ren?”

Everyone stilled. His brothers looked afraid.

Good.

Be afraid.

“He knows about Lan and Hux now, right?”

Lan made a choked sound, looked at the floor guiltily.

Very satisfying, Errol thought.

“And we know he’s coming. He’s returning to his ship to take back his people and his general. Isn’t he?”

Silence.

“Isn’t he, Master? Don’t deny that you feel it too. Why am I the only one brave enough to say it?”

“Errol, stop,” Asher said.

“No, I’m right, aren’t I? He knows about Hux and Lan. He’s angry and returning because of them, isn’t he? What will we do?”

Lan huddled into a small ball against Asher.

Kazan and Chero were afraid.

Mika--now, this was interesting--Mika trembled beside Asher. Trembled with rage. Errol felt the heat coming off him, caught the imperceptible tremor of the kaf cups on the table.

“Mika, stop,” Asher murmured and touched his arm gently.

“But Errol is right!” Mika suddenly exploded. “He is returning!” Mika leapt from the couch and gesticulated furiously. “We know he is. We can all feel the thrum of his returning in the Force! Don’t deny it! Force help us, Errol is right. And it’s all Lan’s fault!”

Well, now. Mika had accused even more blatantly than Errol! He forced himself not to smile happily. Instead, he schooled his expression into a serious one and nodded in agreement.

“Much as Mika and I admittedly do not get on well, he is right, Asher. Master. What shall we do?”

The door opened.

Valance entered, a smile on his face as usual in the morning cycle, and stopped. The door slipped shut behind him.

Everyone turned to stare at him, save Errol. Errol watched Asher, waiting.

“What’s going on?” Valance asked.

“Errol was just telling us that Kylo Ren is coming,” Asher replied.

Lan sat stiffly beside her, fingers gouging into the edge of this cushion. He breath came in heavy pants.

“May I--” he began.

“No,” Asher told him. He whimpered; she placed a gentle hand on his arm.

“I was also saying,” Mika said harshly, “that Errol is right. And Lan and his erstwhile fiance should have been more careful.”

Mika’s visage was dark, wrathful, his beauty tarnished by his bitter rage. This situation pleased Errol more than he could say. It surprised him how irate Mika had become. This, he decided, could bode well for him. Let Mika take the brunt of everyone’s suspicion.

“Hey, woah, kiddo,” Valance said.

“Do not,” Mika hissed, “call me kiddo.”

“Fine, Mika,” Valance replied coldly. “How fair is it to blame your brother and our master, when they just want to be happy? You don’t know all Hux has been through.”

“What does his selfishness matter to me beyond the fact that it is bringing Kylo Ren down upon our heads?” Mika yelled.

No one had heard that before. The entire room fell silent.

“Fuck,” Kazan said after a moment.

“I’m sorry,” Lan murmured. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean--I’m sorry I love him, but--”

His fingers released the couch, raised to cover his eyes. His nails dug into his brow as he began to weep.

Errol contained his glee, just barely. Yes, mar that adorable face, he thought, so Hux won’t want you anymore.

If only Errol realized that Hux had loved a scar-covered Ren. But he didn’t know, so he relished his cruel thought.

“Lan, stop! Stop!” Asher cried and grabbed his wrists, pulled his hands away before he hurt himself.

Mika trembled in the middle of the floor but a moment, and then flung himself to his knees at Lan’s feet.

“Sweetest, stop, please,” Mika begged. He clutched at Lan’s face, made Lan look at him. “Don’t hurt yourself. It is I who should be sorry. You meant no harm! But your lover--he was irresponsible. I am angry at Hux!”

“No, you can’t be!” Lan sobbed.

“I can, I am, but I’d never mean to hurt you or him. That’s why Asher has kept me away!”

“Oh, stars,” Valance muttered.

Asher looked at him, almost helplessly. This had suddenly spun so far out of control, and she desperately needed to bring it back under control.

She stood.

“Knights of Ren,” she said firmly, in a voice that commanded even Errol’s attention. “Kylo Ren is returning. Our duty is to protect Hux, our family, each other. We do not have time for blaming each other or anyone else for his return. It would have happened eventually, no matter what. It’s better that it happens sooner, than for us to be lulled into complacency later.

“No more carrying on now. We must alert the ship and prepare for him. Valance and I will watch Hux from now on. You all must prepare yourselves.”

“How, Master?” Chero asked. He had out his datapad, ready to take notes.

Errol scowled as Master Asher came up with a loose plan to prepare them for Kylo Ren’s arrival. It kept him from Hux and Lan.

He too would prepare for the meeting. With any luck, Kylo Ren would rid him of Asher, Valance, and Lan. Mika with his rage could be an ally--a tool, really, against them all, against Kylo Ren. 

He had only scant days to sow discord amongst his brothers, with the crew, with Kylo Ren.

He’d make every moment count.

  
  


**

  
  


Asher sat on Hux’s ice blue sofa. He sat beside her looking drawn and nervous. She studied him worriedly. Since Lan had been taken from him, he’d grown more distant with the knights, less open with the crew. She knew they tried, and it had only been a few days, but she’d sincerely believed--hoped at least--that Hux would remain as open as he had been recently. He’d been so close to happiness, it pained her to know she’d taken it from him. But she’d had no choice.

“Armitage,” she said quietly, watched as his fevered eyes flicked toward her and away. “What is wrong?” she asked.

He brought a trembling hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. She reached over to catch it between her own. He was so cold, his hand was so cold. He was always so cold, as if some component of humanity were missing. Perhaps Lan had given him what he lacked. But he had to wait. Lan wasn’t ready for any of this, and Kylo Ren was returning.

She held her tongue and waited.

“Kylo Ren is returning,” Hux said finally. “He is literally on his way right now.”

Her eyes grew large.

“How did you know?”

“He told me,” Hux replied, and he told her of Ren’s visit in the night cycle, and the other two or three molestations Ren had perpetrated against him whilst he slept--or tried to. Nothing very serious, but he feared it would escalate.

“So, really, I’m relieved he’s coming, so it’s over with,” Hux concluded.

Asher held both his hands. Her eyes were wide with anger, with shock that Kylo Ren would do such things. Never before had he. Some things were beyond Ren’s capacity for cruelty.

“Did he speak to you those other times?” she asked. She could not believe. She wouldn’t--even if she was readying to fight her former master now. “Are you certain it was Kylo?”

Hux raised eyes bright with fear and shame and tears to her own.

“He spoke to me the first time. But it didn’t feel like him,” he whispered tremulously. “But who else would it have been? I thought I was safe from--that,” he added sadly.

“I am not leaving you alone again. You say it happened even with Lan here?”

He nodded.

She clenched her jaw tightly. “I will not leave your side until Kylo Ren is defeated.”

“So you think it was him?” Hux asked quietly.

“I cannot believe it of him. But who else--”

She paused.

She remembered Errol hissing when Hux’s name was mentioned. His antagonism toward Lan.

Surely not. Not one of her knights. Not a clone of Kylo Ren; Ren, who would never, not like that, not so intentionally, without a word.

Her eyes narrowed.

Kylo Ren did not do subtle and secret. He did blatant, knowing, with a glare so you were aware he knew his own cruelty. And touching physically--he’d never done that before. He would mentally tear someone apart, but all the knights had felt at the time that was acceptable. It wasn’t, she knew, but at the time--

No, Ren wouldn't have done this to Hux.

Ren had been furious it had ever happened to Valance. Enraged that Hux had ever suffered--

The thought of Valance made her tear up.

If Errol had assaulted Hux, she might tear him apart.

“Asher?” Hux called to her.

She put her hands on his face, tipped her head to his.

“I will stay with you. I have said it, so I have promised. And,” she began, paused. She knew at least part of the truth. “And I swear to you, Kylo Ren would never have touched you intimately without your consent. Perhaps he visited you this morning, but the other times were not him.”

“You know who it was.” He did not ask.

“I have an idea, sir.”

He exhaled shakily and rested his head on her shoulder.

Selfishly, she wanted Ren to take care of Errol.

  
  


**

  
  


He knew where the Finalizer was. Errol contacted him, told him, warned him he might not be welcome. But Errol would try to help him.

He was excited to meet his new apprentice in person.

He would show mercy to Asher and Valance. They’d saved Hux.

He’d show mercy to this Lan, because he’d been kind to Hux.

And--Rey be damned--he would give Hux the entire galaxy, if that's what Hux ordered him to do.


	19. We're Connected by a Thread

“Sir, is it true?” Peavey asked later that day.

“What, Edrison?” Hux replied. His eyes were on his datapad, tracking a ship that he’d not thought still in existence for the better part of a year. He gave Peavey a brief glance, distracted by the little blip on his screen that represented Ren’s Silencer--one of them. The last one. The last one he’d designed, the construction finished after Batuu. His one last attempt with Ren, taken without a word of acknowledgment for Hux. He’d not bothered turning on its tracker, believing Ren dead. Ren was not dead. Ren was returning. Hux didn’t know how he felt, but he’d at least be glad to see the last thing he’d created for Ren--a ship of true beauty and brilliance.

“Sir?”

He’d been staring at the blip.

“Yes?”

“Is it true? That Kylo Ren is coming?”

Hux sighed. “Yes, Edrison. It is.”

Peavey exhaled nervously.

Something occurred to Hux.

“Wait. How did you know? I haven’t announced it yet.”

“Rumor mill, sir.”

“Well, I might as well announce it then, before everyone starts panicking.”

Hux sighed and moved away from the viewport. Asher was beside him in a moment. Everyone on the bridge watched carefully.

“Your knights have loose lips,” he told her quietly.

“Sir, I ordered them to say nothing.”

“Well, someone said something. And no one else knew, as of this morning.”

She knew who had said something. Her lips thinned. Hux stared at her.

“Who is it? Is one of the Rens a problem?”

"I hesitate to say so, but yes.”

“Well, they wouldn’t be clones of Kylo Ren if they weren’t a problem,” he said.

Asher felt concern for Hux. He seemed resigned to everything. He hadn't really considered a plan for any of this when she’d spoken to him in the morning. He always had a plan. But somehow, not now. She tried to ask him, tried to discern his feelings, but perhaps even he did not know how he truly felt about Ren’s imminent return.

After he’d made his shipwide announcement, she felt, through the Force, the panic overtaking the Finalizer. That was not a preferable circumstance.

“Sir--” she began.

Hux lowered his head and then spoke once more into his comm.

“Citizens and crew of the Finalizer. Kylo Ren will not be allowed on our ship if he means any of us harm. The Knights of Ren will guard against this.” He looked at Asher. Seemed to decide something. “We will parlay with him before he boards in order to determine his intent. But rest assured, one man will not endanger us. One man will not break this community. I swear on my own life. As your leader, your lives are the most important thing in the galaxy to me.”

He turned off his comm and faced Asher.

“We’re going to parlay, Asher.”

“Will we comm him?”

Hux looked away, fiddled with his tunic hem. Even now, he couldn't help but wear his uniform.

“Could you--can you--Is it possible for you to speak to him through the Force?”

And so, she found herself in the quarters of the knights. She sat on the couch, Hux beside her. The other knights were absent, presumably with Valance. She hoped. But Errol must have found a moment to start the news spreading around the ship.

She grimaced and pulled her legs up into a lotus position. She closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing; she started when Hux took her hand.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

She gave him a tight smile and began again.

Perhaps, finally, this time she could reach Kylo Ren. She’d not been able to yet, but what else could he be doing as he approached the Finalizer? She knew he’d be meditating. Preparing. Perhaps even hoping for someone to reach out.

Ah. She saw Hux beside her without opening her eyes. He was watching the tracker on his datapad once again. She attended to the little figure on the map indicating the Silencer and reached out to follow it.

She did not search long before she saw its lithe form flashing between starlight and meteor. It headed straight toward her, as if he knew she was coming to him. She focused her consciousness toward it and called out to him.

“Kylo Ren.”   
  


And then, she sensed him all around her. Trepidation, hurt, joy all warred within him when he welcomed her. He reached out tentatively, almost gently, as if he were afraid he might hurt her.

“Asher. You are here. What brings you?”

“Obviously, you, Kylo Ren. What else could it be?” She sounded impatient to herself.

His presence flinched away from her.

“You’re right,” he said quietly. “Of course, you’re here to see me.”

Shock embraced her. Ren spoke calmly, humbly. This was so different from how he used to be.

“Why,” she asked suspiciously, “are you coming to the Finalizer?”

“Why else? I’m coming home.”

“It’s no longer your home, Kylo. It is a community of people seeking peace and safety. We no longer desire dominion over the galaxy.”

“We?” he repeated. He sounded almost wistful. “Are you part of them now, Asher? Are you and the knights part of a community?”

“Yes,” she replied firmly. “We are part of a family now.”

He nodded; she could feel it all around her.

“Is-is Hux part of the family?” he asked, and his voice was so quiet.

“Yes. He’s trying to be. You know it would be difficult for him.”

“You sound protective.”

“I am, Kylo.”

“Huh,” he muttered, “you used to call me master.”

“I’m the master now, Kylo.”

“Is Valance good with that?”

“You know he is.”

Ren sighed. “I do. And Hux?”

“He made me master. I answer only to him,” she replied firmly.

Ren remained silent for a little bit before speaking again. When he did, his voice trembled in that familiar way.

“How is he?” 

“Armitage? He’s better. You hurt him. It’s taken him a while to get to where he is now.”

“Lan helped?” he asked dolefully.

“Yes, if you must know. And I will not let you near Lan--”

“I won’t hurt the clone,” Ren insisted. Strangely, whatever he’d thought before of Lan, she believed his words now. She sensed that he believed his own words. “I’m glad he helped Hux. Since when do you call him Armitage?”

“So does Valance. It’s been--since we saved him.”

“Since you left me,” he added bluntly.

“Yes,” she replied in a quiet voice.

“You saved him though. From me, fom Pryde, from certain death. You chose the better option.”

Her eyes widened in surprise.

“I was cruel to him. I made so many mistakes. I admit it.”

“When we heard you’d died--which you most obviously didn’t--he was gutted, Kylo. Even after all you did to him. Valance thought he might kill himself the first night.”

“Armitage Hux?” Ren laughed without humor. “He’d never do that.”

She didn't know why she’d told him, but now she had, she needed him to understand the full import of Hux’s pain. Of all their pain.

“We watched him carefully. We didn’t even have time to mourn you properly ourselves. And then, to learn you were alive--?"

“If I could go back--”

“Well, you can’t,” she snapped. “What do you even want?”

Silence again.

“None of you have any need to forgive me. I don’t deserve it. But I--I miss him, Asher.”

“Selfish as usual,” she groaned.

“Someone else said that. So, yeah. Yes. I realized that all I had done up until I went into exile was a mistake. I listened to old men and let them convince me that Rey was my counterpart. My soulmate. She never was. Palpatine just wanted our power. That’s all.”

“Recall, if you will, that Valance and I tried to warn you.”

“And you were right. And I betrayed you both. And I nearly killed the one person I actually loved. Hux has always been the one, Asher.”

“Now, he’s Lan’s.” She knew it was cruel to say.

“No--” Ren whimpered. “No.” He took a deep breath. “Fine. If that’s what Hux wants. I mean no harm. I’m selfish, yes, I know. But I only wish to--”

She waited.

Ren seemed to deliberate his next words. Finally, he took a deep breath and blurted, “I love him so much, Asher. I only wish to serve him. If he sends me away, I’ll go. If he imprisons me, I’ll bind myself. If he wishes to use me, I’ll bow before him.”

Melodramatic proclamations were par for the course with Kylo Ren, but she sensed very strongly that he meant every word of this one. Hux was his greatest desire now, not power, not Force-wielding scavenger children.

“I mean none of you any harm. Whatever Hux says, I swear I’ll obey.”

“Fine, then. I’ll tell him. If he decides to allow you aboard, I’ll send you clearance codes.”

“Thank you, sister.”

“Don’t--don’t say that. Not now. Not yet,” she told him, and it came out a plea.

“Sorry. Um, Asher?”

“What?”

“If--if Hux refuses me, could I take Errol? To be an apprentice? And for company?”

“Errol--?”

“It’s sort of a secret, but I’ve been training him,” Ren said shyly.

Oh, stars. 

Ren had no idea, or he’d not be admitting to training Errol.

“Ash--”

She came back to the Finalizer before she could respond to Ren.

Hux watched her the whole time. He could feel the tension, the Force buzzing in his ears. He almost envied her being able to talk to Ren.

He might like to talk to Lan like that, he told himself.

But now, she looked afraid. Anxiety hummed along her bones as she squeezed his hand tightly.

“Asher?”

“He-ah,” she began, gathered her wits, continued. “He means no harm. He wishes to see you. And--and to train Errol.”

“No.”

“No--”

“Errol,” Hux said, narrowing his eyes, “is allowed nowhere near Ren.”

“Does that mean--” she prompted.

Hux rubbed his face with the hand not currently holding hers.

“It means,” he pronounced carefully, “that I will allow him to come aboard. To hear him out.” His shoulders slumped. He looked as if he were conceding something far too great. “How far away is he?”

“He’s about ten hours away, maybe less. He’ll need clearance.’

“I’ll send the codes myself.”

  
  


**

  
  


What are you doing, Armitage? He asked himself. A few days without Lan, without fucking, and Lan’s warmth, and he’s letting Kylo Ren aboard his ship.

He’d wanted to refuse him. He’d opened his mouth to tell Asher no. Had actually said the word before he realized that he’d only meant that Ren couldn’t train Errol. And what did that mean? It meant that he wanted to give Ren a chance to explain himself.

Perhaps when he’d visited Hux, it hadn’t been a threat, a promise, a demand--but an entreaty. Every time he thought he’d dreamt Ren, Ren had actually been--what? Watching over him? Trying to communicate something that, for once, wasn’t anger, loathing, disdain-apathy? And the apathy at the end had been the worst. Ren’s lack of interest in anything Hux said or did, unless it was to mock him.

Why did Ren care now? Asher had not enlightened him. And why should Hux care, when he had Lan, who loved him, whom he loved?

Ren had to return now, of course, as always, when Hux was actually on the verge of sorting himself.

He wanted Lan. Asher had refused him. And so he sat on his own sofa, forcing a disgruntled Millie to cuddle until word came that the arrival of Kylo Ren was upon them.

  
  


**

  
  


Errol showered. He’d locked both doors to the en suite refresher. He’d no desire for Lan to come into their shared space when he was in there.

Today had been exhausting but fruitful. He’d managed, on a small morning break, to begin to spread word of Kylo Ren’s return. He’d frightened Unamo and her partner. Thannison had, of course, ignored him, the bitch. But others had carried the word.

He’d also chatted with Mika and Kero, pretending perfectly a camaraderie they believed all too easily. They too were unnerved by Kylo Ren’s return. He tried to goad Chero, but Chero had no patience for him. Chero didn’t trust him now, he could tell. And if Chero didn’t, Kazan probably didn’t. And Lan--well. If Lan could be convinced that Errol only feared for Hux’s safety, Lan could be swayed. Lan thought love was the beginning and end and meaning of everything.

But things were going well so far. He couldn’t wait to see what happened next.

Asher was always with Hux now, so he didn’t dare visit him. He knew she’d sense him, even if no one else could. Instead, as he soaped himself, he imagined holding a slim, pale body against the fresher wall, legs wrapped around his hips as he thrust into that body. He imagined the tight squeeze of his hand was the heat of Hux himself, imagined Hux bowing before him and swallowing him whole. He came with a loud cry that echoed in the fresher. 

A pounding shook the door.

Errol smiled his wide smile as Lan yelled for him to hurry up and clean his mess.

“I need to clean up too!” Lan yelled.

He knew Lan had heard him come. He didn’t know the name Errol longed to cry out. But he couldn’t wait until Lan did.

  
  


**

  
  


Lan came from his room to join his brothers in the main room. They all sat on the sofa in the middle of the room, clean and dressed in their proper garb. At one end of the circle sat Errol, as far from the others as he could get, as was his wont of late. Closest to him, thought not very close at all, sat Mika. That was different, though Lan couldn’t discern why Mika had suddenly bonded with their disagreeable brother. Kero sat beside Mika, clutching his hand.

Chero patted the seat between him and Kazan. He was glad he was far from Errol. Of late, Errol had made him very uncomfortable. He felt as if Errol loathed him. Errol had never been close to any of them, but he used to be friendly enough.

Lan sat between Kazan and Chero, and pulled his legs up in the lotus position.

“Where are Valance and Asher?” Kazan asked. His hair was mostly loose with a small braid in front, the other side freshly shorn. His eyes were rimmed darkly with a slash up at the outer corner. His nails were freshly painted a vibrant red.

Chero looked the same, utilitarian and gruff. He stretched his arms above his head and answered, “Stars, Kaz, don’t you pay attention? They’re preparing for Kylo Ren. That’s not a job I envy.”

“How does one even prepare?” Kero asked quietly. He’d been withdrawn the last week, after Mika’s outburst.

“Be ready to die, most likely,” Mika replied in a dour manner. Unlike the other, all in black, Mika favored looser, white clothes. His voluminous sleeves tapered at the wrist, and his white gloves were pristine. His hair was in a plait down his back.

Lan noticed that Errol had also put in some effort, not that he needed to. He even outlined his eyes like Kazan. Errol caught his eye and scowled. Lan looked away.

“We are under orders to meditate together until we are called,” Kero said quietly. “Asher wishes for us to be ready, to be of one mind, when Kylo Ren comes. He should be here in two hours.”

Lan quivered. He felt cold. Kazan placed a hand on his knee.

“We are together, brother.”

“Let us begin,” Mika intoned.

The young, untried Knights of Ren closed their eyes and opened themselves up to the Force and to each other. 

Mostly.

As much as some of them dared.

Their signatures trembled and danced around each other. It was strange. Other times, when they’d joined together, their link had been stable, filled with curiosity and excitement. Now, it was different.

Kazan paid careful attention to every one of his brothers. Only he and Chero seemed calm, open. He sensed easily that Lan, Kero, and Mika were in turmoil.

He grabbed Lan’s hand and felt Lan squeeze his in return. Tried not to think about how he’d felt Hux’s emotions so intensely earlier in the day, when he’d come with Asher to meet with them. He’d felt clearly all the disparate feelings Hux held for Kylo Ren, this faceless name of whom they knew so little, despite being his clones.

Kazan couldn’t help but be excited.

“Calm down there, Kaz,” he heard Chero say in the Force.

“What should we meditate on?” Lan asked.

“How not to die at Kylo Ren’s hands,” Errol replied with a nasty chuckle.

Kazan heard his words clearly in his being, but Errol seemed to be blocking all he thought and felt. He was not open, and Kazan knew this showed how dangerous he might be.

“Shut up,” Mika ordered through their connection. Kazan saw his signature flare a vibrant red. Kero’s signature reached out for him to calm it, but Mika pulled away.

Lan trembled beside him.

“Enough of this!” Chero ordered. “What is going on here?” We need to unite ourselves. We need to be on the same page. Stop!”

Everyone opened their eyes.

Chero was scowling at Mika.

“We get it. You’re angry. So what? We have to be together on this. And your lovers’ drama is disrupting us,” Chero growled, pointing and emphatic finger at Mika. “Let Kero in, he loves you. This lack of control could get us killed.”

The brothers were silent. Chero hated taking charge, but he hated discord more.

Mika dropped his eyes.

“Love?” Kero whispered.

“You should find someone better, Kero,” Mika murmured.

Kero shook his head. “Leaving you is the one thing I’ll never do for you, my heart.”

Mika leaned against him and smiled softly, almost sadly.

“Let’s try this again,” Chero said.

They closed their eyes and rejoined each other in the Force, sewing together a bond between them, sharing their thoughts and feelings, rendering themselves vulnerable to one another, to become stronger together, braiding their senses, their power, into a strong cord to protect themselves, each other, their family, and home. Hux. they each felt strongly Lan’s adoration for Hux, but more than one of them kept quiet their thoughts that it wouldn’t last. Not now. Not with Kylo Ren here. Kazan squeezed Lan’s hand again. They knew each other and trusted one another. They each took on Lan’s fear, Mika’s anger, everything, to lessen the pain for each individual.

Except, of course, for Errol.

They sought him, they pursued him, but he kept aloof from them all. He was the fraying strand between them, and he would not budge. He seemed intent upon his own meditation.

“Errol?” Mika called to him.

“I cannot trust this, brothers. Mika, your anger is necessary, don’t you see? If Kylo is angry, you must fight rage with rage. Otherwise, we cannot best him.”

They all felt Mika’s presence in their union quaver, begin to come apart.

“No, no, no,” Kero called and embraced his lover’s essence, and came to holding Mika close to him.

“You must control your anger,” Kero told him.

“No, you must embrace it,” Errol snapped. “If it makes him stronger, we need it to help us defeat Kylo Ren.”

“No!” Lan shouted as he stood. “He was angry, and look where it got him!”

“He saved the galaxy and can take it over again,” Errol replied. “That is where anger got him.”

“Enough!” Chero yelled. “We are to unite, to harmonize, not to fight. We do not know the danger. There might be no danger, and this is unnecessary. Or we might all die if we don’t do this. Get it together! Kero, do something about Mika!”

Mika sighed. “He can’t. No one can.”

Kero said nothing. He only looked hurt and began to cry silently.

“This is--very bad,” Kazan said.

“I can’t do this,” Mika blurted out.

“Nor can I. It’s a waste of time,” Errol agreed. He stood. “Let me know when he’s here. I’ll meditate on my own.” He went to his bedroom and closed the door. Sat on his bed. Reached out. “Master--”

His brothers he left disconsolate in the main room. Chero moved to sit by Mika, grabbed his hand.

“Everyone, gather close, hold hands,” he ordered. “Since I’m the best at this, I’ll lead.

They obeyed, even Mika and Kero. They clung to each other and let Chero pull them together once again. He accepted their emotions and fears and all of it, tying them together in a bond he hoped would be strong to best Kylo Ren.

  
  


**

  
  


Ren sent Hux a thank you message after he received the clearance codes.

Hux sat silently on his couch. Millicent grumbled and fled when the notification pinged. Hux barely registered her departure as he stared at Ren’s name, his simple message:

“Thank you, Hux. I can’t wait to see you, if you let me.”

A tear slipped from his lashes to fall to its death atop Ren’s message.

He should change the codes, now. He should blow Ren out of the sky as soon as he was close enough.

No. No no no. He would never do that. He couldn’t obliterate him on Crait when he had the chance, he couldn’t on the Supremacy. On Starkiller, even had Snoke not ordered him to save Ren, Hux knew he would still have frantically hunted him down. Every single time he could have done anything--he couldn’t. In the end, all he could do was give someone else a chance to defeat Ren.

He didn’t expect Ren to die. He knew the girl had tried to save Ren.

And now, Ren still lived.

And stars help him, he really did love Lan. But he couldn’t bear to face the way he still felt about Ren.

It was too much.

He sat staring at Ren’s message, his finger gently stroking Ren’s name until Asher came into his quarters to check on him.

  
  


**

  
  


She’d been up all night with Armitage, waiting whilst everyone else attempted to sleep and prepare for Kylo. Whilst her knights readied themselves and meditated. She knew she’d had no sleep, nor had Hux.

Kazan had spoken to her through the Force, and so had Chero. She was concerned with their news. She hated to waste time returning to them, but they needed her words, her guidance. They needed her to be fully aware of Errol. Chero and Kazan were the only two Rens about whom she knew she needn’t worry. The others were close to a complete breakdown. So was Hux, though he tried valiantly not to show it; she could sense it.

But now, they all stood together in the docking bay awaiting Ren. Hux was behind her, flanked by Lan and Valance.

Ren’s ship landed, perfectly as always.

Inside, joy and fear warred in Ren’s heart, but the joy eclipsed everything when he glimpsed Hux.


	20. You Haven't Looked at Me Forever

One needn't possess Force sensitivity to feel the tension in the hangar. The fine hairs along the nape of Hux’s neck prickled as if there were static electricity in the air. He tried to relax his trembling body by standing in his old familiar way, hands at the small of his back, legs parted. He’d worn his gloves to prevent himself from digging his nails into his hands. To keep another barrier between himself and Ren.

“Armitage, it’s all right. I’m here,” Lan murmured. It was difficult to hear through his vocorder, but Hux caught it and gave him a small smile. They stared at each other for a moment, but it only reminded Hux of times when he and a masked Ren would stare at each other. It always seemed as though their eyes met despite Ren’s mask.

All the Rens wore their repurposed trooper helmets now, modified to fit their preferences. Only Asher’s face was bare. She stood in front of Hux, her spine straight, shoulders back, looking every bit the Master of the Knights of Ren, even if she didn’t feel it.

Opan was here too, Hux saw. Of course, he would be. So was his wife. She wore old trooper armor and held a blaster. Hux had ordered Mitaka to stay away, and the new father didn’t argue. Nor did Peavey’s wife when he told her to keep Edrison in their quarters.

Just in case.

The Silencer’s top hatch opened. Hux heard Valance give a quavering breath.

And then he emerged.

Kylo Ren. Ben Solo. Whoever he was now. He looked rougher, his clothes well worn, his hair a bit longer, shaggier. A pathetic attempt at a beard on his chin. Like in Hux’s dream.

That wasn’t a dream.

The only difference, besides hollower cheeks, was the lack of a scar bisecting his strange, wonderful, beautiful face.

Hux inhaled sharply.

Where was the scar? Why did his heart beat quicker?

Why do I still feel anything but hatred for him? he thought.

Asher looked back over her shoulder at him. He hoped he hadn’t projected that thought. She shook her head.

“I’m listening to you,” she whispered.

His cheeks flushed in embarrassment. He was still so weak, if he could even think he still wanted Ren.

Ren, who held up his hands, weaponless, and approached the cluster of knights through the ranks of security, whom Hux had ordered to stand down until absolutely necessary.

Ren’s smile faltered as he noticed how everyone watched him intently. Waiting with blasters ready. The knights had anything from Z6 batons to electrostaves to vibroblades. None of them yet possessed a lightsaber.

Except for Asher and Valance. Hers remained at her side in its scabbard. Valance held his at his side, but he hadn’t activated it. Yet.

Ren stopped a few feet from Asher. He raised his chin, and he somehow still looked like the prince he was.

Hux’s heart burned at the sight. At the thought he recalled having, grimly, so many times in the past, before things got terrible: the prince and the bastard. He’d laughed at what a trite romantic concept they were.

No one spoke for a few moments.

And then Ren, always impatient, peeked around Asher and said, “Hux. Let me see you.”

“Kylo Ren or Ben Solo or whoever you are now,” Asher said as she stepped closer, “state your business.”

He frowned. “You know why I’m here, Asher. I’m here for Hux.”

Hux stepped forward to stand by Asher, slightly behind her.

“I’m right here, Ren. What is it that you want?”

Hux felt too much. Over the last two years, he’d felt so many things he didn’t know how to process. It took all of his internal fortitude to remain upright. He had no words to describe every thought, every emotion he felt right now.

And the look on Ren’s face.

What was he to do about that?

For his own part, Ren was frustrated that Asher was in his way. That Hux kept her between them. Yet, Hux looked so good. More lovely than he’d remembered. He looked like he’d gotten sleep. Like Asher and Valance had taken good care of him.

Or Lan.

He was both jealous and grateful. He hated Lan, yes, but he really didn’t want to kill him. Especially now, seeing how well he’d cared for Hux. And Ren couldn’t bear the thought of hurting Hux ever again.

He wanted to see Hux, to speak to him. Tell him everything. If Hux still didn’t want Ren near him, Ren would leave. He’d promised himself this.

“I need to talk to you, Hux,” Ren said again. “I’ve come--I’ve wanted--” he hesitated, uncertain. “I’m sorry, and I miss you, and I have something I need to tell you,” Ren fairly pleaded. His doe eyes were huge and haunted, and he looked ready to cry. He suddenly envied the knights their masks and wished he still had his own.

“Well, you may speak,” Hux said coldly.

Ren studied Hux. His jaw was tense. He stood at parade rest, but Ren knew he was clenching his hands into tight fists, because Hux’s eyes were anything but cold.

He’d missed those haughty, flashing eyes, how they used to look at him with such adoration long ago, before Ren himself had killed any spark of joy or intelligence or fierceness in them.

And Asher stood between them like an insurmountable wall. She looked so cold, so mighty, Ren would have been intimidated if he didn’t know he was actually stronger than she was. She knew it too, but she was dedicated to Hux in a way Ren should have always been.

Ren took a deep breath.

“Hux, can we--could I speak to you alone? Without all this?” Ren’s gesture indicated the knights, the guards, all of it.

Asher nearly growled.

Hux looked nonplussed. “Alone? With you? Do you think that is even remotely acceptable to ask after--after everything?”

“No, I know, but please.”

“Absolutely not,” Hux snapped. The fear in his eyes reached inside Ren and crushed his heart.

Ren clenched his jaw tightly.

“I swear I won’t ever hurt you. Just. Let me talk to you. Alone.”

“You’ve given me no reason to begin trusting you again, Ren,” Hux told him. His voice was almost gentle. “I cannot.”

Ren scowled. 

Hux flinched back. One of the knights--and Ren could tell by the mask it wasn’t Val--stepped forward, close to Hux.

Ah. That had to be Lan.

And Hux was clearly terrified of Ren.

Ren’s lip trembled.

This was pointless.

“Hux,” Ren murmured.

But Ren knew it was fruitless. He feared he’d lost Hux forever.

“Speak now or not at all,’ Asher said.

Frustration crawled its way up Ren’s throat, and he let out an angry roar.

Asher’s lightsaber was in her hand, her thumb ready to activate it. Her knights--her fucking knights!-- gathered in close and moved into fighting stances. They synchronized their movements well for creatures so untried, and Ren couldn’t help but be impressed for a moment.

He huffed out a breath and made certain his stance was casual, unthreatening, difficult as it was with his size and obvious anger.

“Fine. I get it. You won’t hear me out. You don’t want me. I’ll go,” he growled.

No one noticed the imperceptible whimper that escaped Hux’s lips.

Ren turned to go.

Hux should say something. This could be the last time he’d ever see Ren. He knew this. But he feared Ren still. Fear and sense should dictate this moment, but Hux knew he somehow still loved Ren, even after everything, even loving Lan. He nearly opened his mouth to call Ren back, because he apparently had no shame.

And then Ren said, “Come, Errol. Let us go.”

Hux choked down his desperation and widened his eyes.

One knight broke formation and divested himself of his helm, dropping it to the hangar floor with a loud thud. 

Errol said, “Yes, Master,” and strode toward Kylo Ren.

“No!” Hux wrapped out.

Ren and Errol both turned.

“What?” Ren asked in annoyance.

But Asher stepped forward.

“You will not take Errol,” she said.

“He is my apprentice.”

“He is no such thing. You don’t know his intent. He is a danger to you and the rest of us,” she replied sternly.

“What, did you see this?” Ren sneered at her.

"I am more aware than you of his malice and his intention to harm. I know what he's doing. He remains; you may leave.”

Ren faced her, stomped up to her. She was by no means small, but he towered over her. “So,” he snarled, “are you like Uncle Luke now? You glimpse what you perceive as darkness In Errol's mind, so you’ll, what? Control him? Punish him? Kill him? All for something that hasn't even happened yet?”

Asher paled and opened her mouth. She should have known better, Ren thought. She and Val had both been there, had both fled with him.

“You are as bad as he is then. What fucking hypocrites,” Ren growled. “Come, Errol.”

“He cannot, Ren,” Hux called.

Errol silently observed Hux and Ren, wondering how this would all play out.

Ren studied Hux. His face betrayed little, as usual. Hux was his ice prince. But Ren saw in Hux’s eyes a desperation; to make Ren understand or to make Ren leave, he was uncertain. He reached out delicately with the Force, but Hux knew how Ren felt in his head. His eyes hardened, became glacial, and he closed himself off as best as he could as a Force null human.

Ren swore and glared at him.

“You won’t speak to me. You won’t hear a word I have to say. I came here to tell you one thing. Two things. I was wrong. I made a mistake. You were always right. And guess what, Hux? I gave you all of this, because I love you! We were always meant for each other! But now, you have all this. You have people who care about you. You have someone else who loves you. And I'm alone! Is that what you want? Tell me! I can’t be alone, you know that! It’ll kill me--is that what you want? I love you, but I’ll go, if that’s what you want. But I’ll be damned if I’m alone. Errol, come. We are leaving!”

Hux’s face sped through so many microexpressions that only Ren could follow. For a moment, he thought he’d swayed Hux, as he watched Hux’s lips tremble and his brow furrow. But no--after a moment, Hux composed himself.

“I cannot let you take Errol.”

Ren raged. He managed to control his body, but his voice tore through the hangar.

At last, to break this tedious stalemate, Errol decided to speak. Since Kylo Ren would not act, he would need to do so.

“Kylo is right,” he said suddenly, and all eyes turned to him. “Do you wish to punish him further? What right have you to decide for me? My vow as a knight should hardly count. I made it when I knew nothing. Now I know more, and I choose to follow my new master.”

“No, Errol,” Asher interjected. “You cannot make that choice.”

Errol opened his mouth to reply, but a frustrated cry rang through the docking bay, followed by the thunk of plasteel on metal.

Silence.

And then all eyes on the tall, graceful figure in white who, maskless, shouldered past Asher to stand before Errol.

“No, Asher,” Mika said. “Errol is right. You cannot control us forever! What knowledge do you keep from us? Why? Because you let a Force null rule over us, and he doesn't want us to make our own decisions?”

“Shit,” Valance muttered. He was glad Thannison was in their quarters. He activated his lightsaber.

“No, Valance--” Hux murmured.

“Stop,” Mika commanded. “You think to keep Errol here by force? You think to keep any of us, if we choose to go?”

Mika held out a hand.

“I choose to leave also. I don’t care where, but maybe Kylo Ren will be a better master than Armitage Hux,” he spat, “who lets us choose nothing. Come, Kero!”

The knights remained still. Hux and Asher, even Ren, seemed so in shock that not one of them moved. Everyone else in the hangar stayed still, not having any desire to interfere with Force-users.

At last, one knight stepped forward. With shoulders slumped, he took off his mask and dropped it at his feet.

“We choose our own path,” Mika said.

Kero did not disagree. Though he could not meet Asher’s eyes, he didn’t have the heart to refute Mika’s words.

“Ren, you cannot take Errol,” Hux intoned. He stood beside Asher now. “You don’t understand--”

“You don’t understand!” Mika shouted and raised his hand. Before anyone comprehended what happened, including Mika himself, Hux was slammed against the floor.

Mika’s eyes widened, and he dropped his hand.

No one moved, and then chaos broke out.

Security pulled their blasters. Opan and his wife ran toward Mika. Lan screamed and fell beside Hux, supine on the floor in the middle of the frantic knights who were still masked, still obedient. Valance plowed forward toward Mika, threatening but not attacking.

Hux lay gasping on the floor.

Errol remained still, but he pondered slaughtering Mika where he stood. But he knew he needed to wait. Just. The right. Moment.

And then Ren was throwing Mika to the ground with the Force.

“What are you doing?” he cried.

Mika struggled, but Ren held him fast.

“Let him go!” Kero yelled and threw himself at Ren.

Kero’s bun came undone as he grappled with Ren over Mika’s body. He knew he couldn’t best Ren with the Force, but surely they were matched physically.

Lan hoisted Hux up, held his beloved against him. Hux shuddered into his side.

Chero and Kazan came forward to join Asher and Valance. She held them back with a hand.

Ren shoved Kero to the ground and rounded on Asher.

“Have you become no better than Luke? Snoke? The emperor? Even you, Hux! None of you have changed!”

“Ren,” Hux stammered, “you really don’t understand--”

Before Ren could respond, Mika staggered to his feet.

“You don’t understand!” he screamed. Kero stood and clutched at him, but Mika could not control his fury. “You are nothing! Who are you to command us?”

It seemed as though Mika possessed no control over his powers, at least not their potency. But his anger at Hux, even festering for so short a time, exploded out and narrowed his power into a sharp point, slamming into Hux and flinging him away from Lan, from the knights, and into the wall behind them all.

Mika cried out.

“No--” Errol whispered, but no one heard him over Ren’s howl of grief.

Ren, with the Force, threw Mika to the ground again, held the clone there so he couldn’t even struggle. He strode toward Mika, picking up the knight’s dropped vibroblade, brandishing it at him.

Mika could not even scream.

“Ren, stop!” Asher cried, but he flung her back. Just a little. Chero and Valance came at him, but he flung them away too.

No one who did not use the Force dared approach. Everyone seemed to forget about Errol, whose eyes were on Hux’s unmoving form.

Ren stopped before Mika and raised the vibroblade.

“No!” Asher shouted.

But it was too late.

The blade swung down in an arc.

Mika never felt it.

He opened his eyes when he felt wetness against his cheek.

“Oh, fuck,” Kero whimpered.

Mika’s eyes grew so large.

Kero knelt over him, covering him, his hands on either side of Mika’s head.

Blood fell from Kero's chest and drenched Mika’s crisp white shirt. A thin trail of blood began to crawl its way from the corner of his plush lips, so much redder than Kylo Ren’s own lips.

“What have you done, my love?” Mika whispered. He brought a gloved hand to Kero’s face. It became stained with Kero’s blood.

“Mika, dearest heart, as if I could live without you--” His words broke off into a wet cough.

“And what am I to be without you?”

Kero grinned and fell off of Mika.

“Kero?” he cried.

No one else moved, so Mika leaned over Kero with no one hindering him.

“Kiss me, once, Mika,” Kero gasped.

Mika obeyed. Kero touched his face.

And then he died, his hand falling after touching his beloved one final time.

It seemed to Mika as if time stopped, as if everything faded away with Kero.

It might as well have done.

None of it was worth a damn without Kero.

Mika began screaming, and he didn’t stop, not even as his throat tore and bled, not even as the Force poured from him into the air.

When he stopped, everyone was prone on the ground, except for Kylo Ren.

Mika took up Kero’s electrostaff and approached Ren.

Ren, who stood almost in shock. As if he couldn’t believe he’d killed someone.

And then the knights collected themselves and rushed forward. Even Valance wielded his saber at Ren. For one moment, he’d thought it would be brother against brother, but now it was all or nothing for his family against his old master.

“Shit,” Errol muttered.

He brandished his own own vibroblade.

He needed to fix this, and quickly. Mika had been a calculated risk; but so, far, he was more trouble than he was worth.

Ren shot him a glance. The look he gave Errol was desperate. Errol nodded in reassurance, but he loathed Ren’s weakness now. And Hux had not stirred. Opan was with him, but Lan now stood with his brothers.

Asher ignited her saber, but she stood between the knights and her former master.

“Mika, come here,” she said gently.

“No. No, fuck every single one of you,” he snarled and stepped closer to Ren. “Hux let him come on board our ship. You let him come to our home. Because of you and Hux, and this Ren creature, this pathetic fuck, Kero is dead!”

“It’s your fault. He was defending you. You killed him,” Errol said through the Force.

Mika’s eyes widened more. He looked feral, his beauty only enhanced by his ferocity and pain.

“No--”

“Mika?” Asher said.

Through the Force, Errol spoke again. “Yes, Mika. Because you didn’t control your rage. You could have prevented this, if you’d only controlled yourself.”

“No!” Mika screamed.

He flung himself at Errol, but Ren blocked him with the vibroblade.

Suddenly, Valance and Kazan charged forward with their weapons, and Ren twirled to meet them. 

Chero yanked Mika away.

Ren slashed at Kazan’s baton and pushed Valance away with the Force. Though they were merciless, Ren showed his prowess by holding them at bay and trying not to harm them.

He’d bested the other Knights of Ren, Asher thought, what hope did the Rens and Valance have?

Chero joined the fight, but Ren flung him with the Force too. Lan rushed in, and now Errol joined the fray.

“Why are you fighting me?” Lan cried.

“I cannot let you harm my master!” Errol told him. He knew he was lucky to have Kylo Ren’s earnest face. That once, the knights had been close, before Lan and Hux. Lan was innocent enough he would believe Errol.

“This is wrong,” Lan said, and tears fell from his eyes.

“So is holding us back from choosing our own fate, brother!” Errol told him.

He thrust at Lan, but Lan only fought defensively. The fool was so intent on not hurting him; he’d be so easy to kill.

But Asher chose that moment to interfere. She blocked Errol’s next strike with her lightsaber, and it split his vibroblade in twain.

“Go take care of Hux, Lan,” she ordered the boy.

“Master--”

“Go, I said.”

Lan backed away.

She glared at Errol. “I hope all of this is worth it to you, whatever you want, boy,” she snarled.

Errol smiled and danced away from her, just as Ren turned toward her to defend his apprentice.

In the chaos, in the clash of weapons and the pulse of the Force, the security teams weren’t certain what to do. No one was prepared when Mika slammed into them, slicing away with Kero’s weapon and flinging people with the Force. A few bolts found their marks, but he threw back more than hit him.

Suddenly, Opan’s wife was before him. She stood tall with her baton and blocked Mika hit for hit. He was impressed, but she meant nothing. He clutched his hand into a fist, and she stopped moving. He raised his staff to strike her--

And Hux stood before him.

He could barely stand at all, but he blocked Mika from killing her, held out a hand.

Just as well.

If Kero were gone, why should Hux live? Why should he?

He grabbed Hux by his uniform collar and raised his weapon.

Someone cried out, “No!”

Perhaps it was Lan--

And suddenly, Mika couldn’t breath. He dropped his staff, clutched at his throat, and then he fell forward onto Hux with a choked sound. Hux fell to the floor again, holding Mika in his arms.

Red bloomed across the white of his shirt; his blood mingled with Kero’s. From his chest, the point of a broken vibroblade emerged, sunk all the way through his body.

Mika gasped for air; blood bubbled at his lips. Hux clung to him in horror, tears in his eyes.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he murmured, rocking the boy in his arms. Mika tugged weakly at his collar, eyes shiny and wet. Hux had no clue how to comfort, only to kill in such circumstances. What should he do? He panicked. He pulled Mika into a hug and told him gently, “It’s all right, I understand. It’s all right, my boy. I forgive you.’  
  


Mika whimpered and went limp in his arms.

Hux didn’t know what he’d said, but he hoped it helped. He began to shake uncontrollably. And then he began to wail.

Lan fell beside him. He stared at Mika in Hux’s arms and began to weep.

The chaos stopped as each of the remaining knights realized what happened.

Asher turned from Ren, horror writ plain on her face.

“Armitage!” she cried and ran toward him.

Ren dropped his weapon and followed.

Opan clung to his wife behind Hux. Hux still sat, Mika in his arms, Lan sobbing behind him. As Ren approached, he started at the blood covering Hux and sprinted to him.

Valance tried to block Ren, but Asher pulled him away.

“Did you do this?” she asked.

“No--no, I won’t ever hurt Hux again!” he insisted.

“I’m fine,” Hux croaked. He stroked the matted hair around Mika’s face. “This is--is his…” he trailed off.

“Did you kill two of my boys, Kylo?” Valance asked, his voice laiden heavy with sorrow.

“No,” Ren said simply.

Asher dropped to her knees.

“Let me see him,” she told Hux gently.

He stared at her through his tears.

“Let me see, Armitage.”

She took Mika carefully from him.

Saw the weapon that killed him.

A broken vibroblade.

“Where,” she hissed, “is Errol?”

  
  


**

  
  


Errol hid for a moment at the far end of the hangar, away from the commotion. He huddled behind crates and fuel tanks, made himself as small as possible.

This is what it felt like. To have control. To kill. To make others do your work for you.

He should feel powerful.

And he did!

A little.

But these tears, these Force-damned tears! He buried his face in his knees and wept. The place where he’d always felt Kero and Mika, his brothers, was empty. It itched with the nothingness, with the lack of them. He didn’t anticipate this. If he reached out, could he feel them together, one in the Force?

He needed to hold Hux so very badly.


	21. Wanting Not to Want You Won’t Make It So

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super short, because that last one was so intense I could not even. But the chapter after this will probably be up in a couple days!

Asher sent security details to find Errol, with the order not to approach him, not to engage him, but to tell her immediately where they found him.

She assumed he’d flee. She didn’t know if he’d intended for his brothers to die, but she felt precious little desire to show him mercy. Her face frightened security. Her face frightened Valance. Even Ren stood quietly away from her, awaiting her ire with dread.

Once she had dispatched teams, though, she ignored him in favor of kneeling with Hux again. Ren could wait. She was too angry to deal with him right now, not when she needed to make certain Hux was all right.

Ouna Opan sat beside him, examining him. Her large hand held his cheek gently.

“Is he all right?” Asher asked.

“Concussed. A bit in shock,” Ouna replied. “We should get a stretcher and take him to medbay.” 

“I’m fine,” Hux insisted. “It’s nothing I’ve not handled before.”

Everyone knew the truth of that statement. Ouna shot a look at Ren. He’d no idea who she was, but he could tell she had not simply been an officer in a uniform on the bridge.

“No offense, sir,” she said, her attention back on Hux, “but don’t ever try to save my life again. You could have been killed!”

Hux shrugged.

“Hey, no,” Asher said gently. “You can’t be like that.”

Hux said nothing. He didn’t look quite right. He held his left wrist at a strange angle, tucked into his body. He looked dazed and stared at Mika’s body as if he couldn’t place who it used to be.

Opan called, “Med droids are here to take him!”

“All right,” Asher said. “Can you stand?”

Hux shook his head after a moment and pulled away.

“I’m fine. Just let me sleep. I’ll be fine.”

Ouna took his elbow. “You need to get checked out.”

“I do not. Leave me be. I’m fine.”

He slowly rose to his feet and staggered away from Asher and Ouna. Valance moved to catch him before he could fall, but Hux pulled away and fell back to lean against the wall.

“Go away. I’m fine.”

“Armitage--” Valance began.

“No!” Hux yelped and weakly flopped his left hand at Valance, but he only succeeded in hurting his possibly broken wrist further. Gasping in pain, he attempted to stand up as straight as possible and slid across the wall, away from them. “Mika needs help, not me. He’s hurt,” he added and suddenly began to cry again.

He slid close to Ren, certainly an accident, but Ren put a gentle hand on his shoulder, turned Hux to look at him.

“You need to see a doctor, Hux,” he murmured.

“Let go of me!” Hux cried. He tried to remove himself from Ren’s grasp, but he began to fall. Ren reached out to grab him.

And Lan caught him around the waist. Hux leaned all his weight against Lan’s chest and rested his good hand on Lan’s shoulders.

“Hey,” Lan whispered. He rested his forehead against Hux’s. “You need to go to medbay. Please? I just lost two brothers. I don’t want something to happen to you too. I need you to take care of yourself. Do it for me?”

Hux looked at Lan with wide eyes, as if Lan were some sort of miraculous occurrence. He nodded slowly, his lips slightly parted, as if he waited for a kiss.

“Thank you,” Lan said and gave him that kiss, just a light brush of his lips against Hux’s.

Hux allowed himself to be lowered to the stretcher and taken away.

Ren glared at Lan. The clone turned to look at him. Guileless, with no resentment over what had just happened.

“You have to be gentle with Armitage,” Lan told him, and then followed after Hux.

Like he knew.

Ren swallowed and turned away.

He knew Asher was giving orders to clean up this mess. His mess. As always. Where Ren went, trouble met him there. He’d hoped it would be different this time, but no. Maybe Rey was right: He should have died, instead of the clone he let die in his place. His selfishness allowed him no joy, no good accomplishments. It never had, in the end.

And Hux. He wouldn’t listen to Asher or anyone else. He’d hated Ren touching him, saying anything to him.

But he listened to Lan, Ren thought bitterly. To some wide-eyed fool. A word from the clone, and Hux rolled over.

Of course, he wouldn’t listen to Ren. The way he looked--bruised, concussed, mostly likely with cracked ribs and a broken wrist--was something Ren had caused before. Multiple times after becoming Supreme Leader. Hux was injured, devastated, traumatized. Again, because of Ren. But Ren had never paid attention before. If Hux had ever looked like that in the past, Hux had tended to himself. Or taken himself to medbay--and probably erased all records of his having been there.

This is what Ren had been ignoring for the year he was Supreme Leader. From the moment he’d choked Hux in Snoke’s throne room aboard the Supremacy, until the last time he raised a disdainful hand to Hux to shut him up, this is what he’d willingly ignored. Or had cared so little about what he did to Hux, he didn’t need to ignore it, because he never even noticed it.

Hux had been forced to deal with this on a daily basis! The pain, the humiliation. The threat of wondering if he’d survive another day under Ren and Pryde. An entire year abused and tormented and ignored, when he’d once been the pride of the Order!

Ren thought of Hux’s wide, unfocused eyes, the fear on his face just moments ago; and had to admit that, yes, he did vaguely recall seeing Hux look like that on Crait, aboard the Supremacy, on the Finalizer--especially on the Steadfast. And how Pryde had eaten up the younger general’s humiliation.

Ren wished he could have killed old Pryde.

But he deserved to die too; he didn’t want to. He was still so selfish.

He hated Lan for being everything he wasn’t. For being good. For treating Hux like he’d never treated him. He just couldn’t admit to himself that Hux should be with someone like Lan--someone who showed they loved him through their behavior towards him.

Ren knew he was acting--was about to act--like he wanted his prized possession back.

He clenched his fists. He could feel his power leaking from him. Someone gasped and moved away from him.

“Kylo,” Asher said. “Kylo!”

“What?” Ren gasped.

His own power disrupted even his thoughts. All he felt now was the heavy weight of grief dragging his consciousness down.

“You can make yourself useful and help here, or you can go wait in your chambers--your old ones; no one’s claimed them. But do something to get yourself out of my way,” she said fiercely.

And Ren found himself ready to obey her, which surprised him. He nodded to her, and she stormed away.

What should he do?

He should find Errol and take him away. He was too much like Ren to be left here. Right down to the accusations others made, the distrust everyone felt towards Errol. Ren could not leave his apprentice here. It would be too dangerous, even though Asher and Valance knew better. No one else did.

He wanted Errol to have the chance for a truly worthy life that he never did.

That these two dead clones never did. 

He turned towards the first clone’s corpse, and then the other.

The bald clone knelt by Mika. He took Mika’s braid in his hands and cut part of it off. He fixed the tresses in his hand, braided them, tied them off. Then he removed his glove and took a knife from the scabbard at his thigh. He sliced his palm and placed it over Mika’s heart, pierced by the broken vibroblade.

Chero did not weep, not yet. He decided to wait until he was back with his brothers and master, in the privacy of their own quarters. 

Now he simply leaned down and kissed Mika’s brow.

“Your blood with my blood, always, brother. Sleep well. May you be together with Kero in the Force once more and live a happier life together.”

He stood slowly, wiped his bloody palm across his face. It looked like warpaint. Chero left Mika and trudged towards the other clone. He spared Ren a weary glance as he passed him.

The clone with the eyeliner knelt by Kero. Ren didn’t know his name, but he felt his agony acutely. Even without the Force, one could feel his sorrow palpably in the air. No one came near as he wept. This clone, this person, felt so much, so freely. He seemed to feel no shame as he flung himself across his dead brother’s body, wailing.

The bald one knelt with him and held him, whispering. He raised himself and nodded. The bald one cut the hair of this corpse too, quickly braided it together with Mika’s. Then he repeated the blood ceremony with his living brother, and the dead. Afterward, he handed the knife to his brother.

Ren watched as Kazan went to Mika and mingled their blood. Then he too wiped his bloodied palm over his face.

Ren felt dirty for watching such an intimate affair between his clones. Between these men who were brothers. When he’d commissioned them, he’d never imagined them loving and mourning and living like people lived.

For the first time, the cruelty he’d shown the first clone truly hit him, and he felt remorse.

Not a feeling with which he’d been familiar before his exile.

Chero approached Kazan again, pulled him away from Mika. Kazan needed Chero to guide him; he could barely stand so overcome was he.

As they walked by, Kazan turned a tear-stained face to Ren.

“Please,” he said, “don’t take any more of my brothers.” And he nearly collapsed with sobbing.

Ren said nothing.

He intended to take Errol, but only to save him.

Chero hauled Kazan from the hangar. 

“Excuse us, Kylo Ren” Ouna interrupted. “We need no help here. Do you need an escort to your chambers?”

Who was this woman? Who were any of these people? Ren was stunned that a person he’d never seen was essentially telling him to go away.

“No,” he replied, straightening his posture. “I’ll see myself to my rooms.”

And find Errol, he thought as he fled the hangar.

  
  


**

  
  


Asher stormed through the Finalizer’s corridors. She knew she needed to find Errol quickly. What she’d do with him she wasn’t entirely sure. The hallway down which she strode became blurry, and she realized she was crying. A sob escaped her before she could stop it.

“Ash!”

She turned, wiped her eyes.

“Let me help you,” Valance said as he ran to her.

“Go back to Thannison. Check on Hux. I’ll handle this,” she said.

“Ash--”

“Go, Val. Please. Just leave Errol to me.”

She clapped his shoulder and left him. She honestly didn’t want Valance with her if she found it expedient to kill Errol. She knew he couldn’t handle it.

She wasn’t certain she could.

But many other things needed to be done, and he could do those. Or crawl into the arms of his partner. But Errol--he was her responsibility, and she would handle him.

No matter what his behavior had caused, she really had no desire to kill him. The loss of one more Ren was too much to abide.

As soon as she was out of sight form Valance, she leaned against the wall, saber at the ready. Tentatively, she reached out with the Force, attempting to discern the whereabouts of Errol.

Not in their quarters, nor the hangar. Not hiding in any storage or utility rooms.

Where could he be?

She had a sudden epiphany, and the idea spurred her on as she ran through the corridors once again.

To the medbay.


	22. Love Will Lead Us All to Smithereens

Hux reclined in the medbay bed. His body hurt, his head hurt, and his vision was blurry. Dr Taro, an attractive person quite fascinated by Lan, had attended to him efficiently and quite well. Which, of course, he appreciated. He began to feel, if not better, then less terrible and shocked at himself by not being at all jealous of Taro eyeing Lan. But he had little time to ponder himself.

As soon as Taro left the private room to attend to the other injured, he and Lan remained in awkward silence. 

Hux attempted to quiet the part of his mind that proceeded to blame him and catalogue his faults in his father’s voice.

Lan helped, in a way.

He turned to Hux, his Armitage. His face was blotchy from weeping, his brows so furrowed they practically kissed above his nose. His red lips turned harshly down as he came as close to glaring as he could.

Hux gulped.

“Armitage,” he began with a husky voice, “why did you allow Kylo Ren to come here?”

Hux sat quietly, refused to answer.

“Armitage,” Lan repeated, more sternly this time. “Two of my brothers are dead. I nearly fought another one. People are injured, including you. All because you allowed Kylo Ren onto our ship. Our home.” Lan’s voice broke on the last word.

When Hux didn’t reply, Lan cried, “Answer me!”

Hux flinched.

“I don’t know,” Hux whispered. “I spent my whole life in a military machine. Programmed from birth. I don’t really know if I’ve ever had any control over anything in my life.”

“That’s your answer, Armitage? You chose me. You make choices. You chose to let that man into our home!” Lan’s voice grew louder. Hux tensed; he’d never heard Lan so loud outside of fucking.

“It wasn’t anything I could stop, Lan. Kylo Ren was an inevitability.”

“You won’t take responsibility for this?”

“I do, but--it wasn’t that simple!”

“Would you have ever looked at me if I weren’t his clone?” Lan asked.

“Would you have ever wanted me if you weren’t?” Hux snapped back.

And there it was. The issue skated around for weeks. The one that they’d only briefly mentioned and, in the halcyon newness of their love, believed wouldn’t matter. 

It mattered.

They stared at each other, both in shock from the events of the last hours and the saying of things they’d had no wish to utter. A tear fell from Lan’s eye, and Hux covered his mouth with his good hand.

This was not sustainable. He knew it now. He'd convinced himself it was, but he couldn’t pretend any longer.

“I’m so sorry,” Hux said. He couldn’t say Lan’s name or any of the old endearments he used before. Lan was no longer a home to him; he was no longer welcome. Hux knew it, even if Lan didn’t.

Lan opened his mouth to speak. Whether to comfort or accuse, accept or curse him, Hux couldn’t know.

The door opened before Lan spoke.

“Errol--” Lan said.

Errol staggered into the room. He looked terrible. His eyes were red and weepy, and his nose ran with snot over his lips swollen from biting them to silence his sobs. He trembled, looked crazed and mournful.

“What are you doing here?” Hux asked. He tried to sound authoritative, feared he’d failed in the attempt.

But Errol cringed as if slapped.

Still, he stalked forward toward the bed. Lan moved to block him, and Errol growled.

“What do you want?” Hux demanded, using his perfect staccato, commanding tone. The one he'd never used on Lan. The one Ren had both loved and hated.

“Armitage,” Errol sobbed. “I’ve come to take you away.”

“What?” both Lan and Hux said.

Errol shot a glare filled with loathing at his brother before fixing his desperate gaze upon Hux again.

“You are meant to be mine. I sought to rule this place with you at my side. We could have ruled together--”

“A ship?” Hux asked incredulously.

“Anything. Everything. But that won’t happen now. All I can do is take you from here, to give you everything, to treat you like you should be treated.”

“You’re clearly mad.”

“No!” Errol yelled. “Why do you want Lan? Why did you choose him, of all of us?” he demanded. “From that first moment on Kamino I desired you! I loved you! But you treated me as though I were an object. A thing for your convenience! You never even noticed me, even though I’ve loved you from the first! Because you only saw Lan! Why him? Why Lan and not me? I’d give you all you ever desired!”

He approached Hux’s bed, but Lan blocked him.

“Why did you never look at me, Armitage?” Tears spilled from his eyes as he pleaded for his answers.

And what could Hux tell him? The truth? That Lan possessed the one scent that reminded Hux of his happiest moments…

With Kylo Ren.

“If you won’t accept me because of Lan,” Errol said quietly, “then I shall rid us both of his existence.”

Errol raised a hand, and Lan flew back against the opposite wall, knocking Hux’s vitals monitors over. Lan was unprepared for the onslaught of Errol’s Force powers, but he stood and pulled out his electrostaff.

“Stop, stop--” Hux shouted.

Lan brandished his staff at Errol, but Ren’s erstwhile apprentice only laughed. He believed himself stronger than Lan, in his rage, his desire, in all things--therefore, also, in his ability to wield the Force.

Lan tested him, shoved him back a bit, and he responded in kind. But now that Lan was aware, he defended well against Errol’s attacks. The two threw themselves at each other, tearing into the space around them; throwing one another, throwing objects, anything they could.

Somehow, they both made certain not to catch Hux in the crossfire.

Hux huddled on his bed, quaking in fear over the two Force-users by whom he was trapped.

Lan flung Errol to the floor, but he came back up, nose bleeding, to hurl Lan into the ceiling, and using gravity, threw him even harder into the floor. Lan dented the durasteel.

“Where are the doctors, where is security?” Hux wondered.

He saw Errol move towards him and scuttled to the edge of his bed. But Errol grabbed him, hissed in his ear, “I’ve done everything for you. All I want is you. You are mine.”

And then he pushed his lips roughly to Hux’s.

Hux tried to shove him away. Errol broke the kiss.

“I know you can love me back, if you just give me a chance, Armitage. Please,” he begged.

Lan used the end of the bed to pull himself up from the floor. Without looking at him, Errol threw him back down.

Errol stepped back from Hux and approached Lan. From the scabbard at his thigh, he pulled the remains of his vibroblade. 

Lan coughed wetly and spat blood onto the floor.

Errol chuckled mirthlessly.

“You never knew how lucky you were, Lan. Sweetest brother, everyone’s dear pet.”

He knelt and pulled Lan’s head up by the hair.

Hux watched in horror as it happened, seeming so slow. He wasn’t certain if time crawled because of his concussion or his fear.

“What have you to recommend yourself to Hux, Lan? Your goodness? Your purity? Your guileless adoration and pretty face? Well, of course, Hux would want you! After all he and the First Order wrought, he’s drawn to your innocence,” Errol proclaimed.

“No,” Lan said.

“You are naive. He’d eat you alive, dear brother.”

Errol turned a feral smile to Hux, though his eyes were tormented.

“Hux needs someone like me, who is willing to do whatever it takes to achieve the desired outcome,” Errol continued, and his voice cracked. “I gave up so much. I planned so much. I deserve this much.”

Lan raised up on his arms.

His face was a bloody mess, literally. His eyes were already beginning to swell shut, and his nose bled over his tunic. His lush bottom lip was split.

Hux crawled to the end of the bed.

And Lan hit Errol with the Force hard enough that Errol hurtled into the door. It dented in the middle and buckled in its frame.

Lan staggered to his feet.

“Stop this, Errol,” he ordered. He looked furious. And he was--furious that his brothers had died; that his brother fought him so brutally, seemed to hate him; that he and Hux would never be what they were after this day. That all he’d dreamed was for naught. 

He didn’t think this as he faced Errol. It was instinct. It was also the Force telling him, cutting him to the quick with the knowledge that he’d been wrong: Hux wasn’t his, had never been, no matter how much they believed or pretended otherwise. The moment he’d been told Kylo Ren was returning, he should have fucking known that he and Hux were over. And for the first time in his brief life, he was bitter and angry.

But he’d be damned if he’d let Errol drag Hux off to Force knew where.

There was only one person who belonged with Hux, loathe as Lan was to admit it, but the Force apparently decreed it.

Lan stood by the foot of the bed, gasping for air through his bruised ribs and broken nose. Errol pulled himself upright using the door.

They were having a stand-off.

Hux roused himself. Looked at Lan, and then at Errol. He pulled himself from the bed, ignoring the fact of the indignity of being in a hospital gown, and spoke.

“Stop this now. Both of you. There are better ways to handle this than by throttling each other with the karking force!” he belted out with his most imperious tone.

Lan relaxed his posture.

“Enough of the fucking Force!” Hux declared. “Now open the damned door and--”

He did not finish his sentence.

For a moment, it seemed as though both Lan and Errol obeyed Hux’s words.

The air buzzed, and Hux stopped speaking as he recognized the stench of ozone in the air again. Errol’s eyes blazed.

“You. Will. Not!” Hux roared. “You will obey me, boy!”

Despite his injuries, his panic, his concussion, everything, Hux raced across the room in his fury and despair, and took Errol by the shoulders, and slammed him back into the door.

“Stop this now, Errol! There has been enough death today,” Hux snarled.

“Come with me!” Errol pleaded.

“I will not, and you will stop this.”

“Armitage, please come away,” Lan said.

Errol pushed Hux back as he stepped forward. 

“This must end,” he said and brandished his vibroblade.

Lan took a breath, readying himself.

It was but a moment. It doesn’t matter what order the events occurred. Suffice it to say that Lan hoisted his baton, Errol brandished his blade, and Hux attempted to stop the impending clash of brothers.

One need only know that Hux flew at Errol, and the misguided knight tried to charge his brother with his broken blade at the ready.

And the door opened the moment Errol’s weapon pierced through Hux’s stomach.

It seemed as though the entire galaxy stopped moving, held its breath, uncertain what to do, what to believe. Even Ren’s vaunted Force seemed at a loss, as everything ceased. No oxygen moved into lungs and through the body. No molecules buzzed about. No one moved. Hux himself seemed suspended in motion, only clutching at the hole in his gut the moment Errol pulled out his vibroblade in utter mortification.

And then Kylo Ren screamed, “No!”

The anguished syllable made the universe move again, awakened the Force, roused everyone in the room.

Hux uttered a tiny, “Oh,” and fell, caught by a weeping Lan before he hit the ground.

Asher, who arrived at the same time as Ren, cried out, “Armitage!”

And Errol said not a word.

Because Kylo Ren raised a hand, and all Errol could feel was the tight, terrible grip of the Force around his throat as Ren screamed. Errol’s feet were off the floor, and he hung in the air like a dejected puppet. Through his constricted windpipe, he managed to squeeze out pathetic little noises as he reached a hand towards Hux.

This was not what he wanted!

Ren approached him, and he whimpered fearfully. Ren was incoherent with rage, snarling like a beast. His grip on Errol’s neck tightened.

Asher entered the room.

“Kylo, stop,” she ordered. “You’ll kill him. Enough!”

He squeezed harder.

Hux gasped bloodily.

“Kylo, stop!” she yelled, and slapped him hard across the face.

His grip on Errol faltered.

“I said enough,” she hissed and slapped his face again, even harder.

In shock, he dropped Errol spluttering to the floor. Ren turned feral eyes upon her, but Asher stood her ground.

“No more death, no more,” she told him. She turned and knelt by Lan. He wept into Hux’s lovely hair as his former lover gasped for air. Hux choked on blood and clutched at Lan.

“Let me see him,” she murmured.

“No, no--” Lan sobbed.

“Let me see him, Lan. Go tend to your brother,” she said softly, firmly.

Lan crawled to Errol and helped him to sit up.

“What have I done?” Errol asked and then began to cry. He clung to Lan and sobbed into his chest.

Ren stared at his clones.

He’d created them. Given them to Hux.

This was a disaster he had created.

He turned to where Asher cradled a dying Hux in her arms.

She wept.

How long had it been since Ren had seen her weep?

This was her family, and he’d destroyed that too.

But.

He remembered something from not so long ago. Wondered if he could still do it.

Ren dropped to his knees beside Asher.

Hux coughed up more blood. How many times had Hux been hurt like this because Ren refused to love him?

No more. Even if Hux didn’t want him, he would ensure that Hux lived a happy life from now on.

“Hux,” he murmured.

Hux’s pale eyes, beginning to dim as he died, searched Ren’s face. He couldn’t really speak, but tears filled his eyes as he reached for Ren.

“Easy, love,” Ren said and placed his hand against the wound.

He reached into the Force, like he’d done through a clone, on Exegol. He pulled it to himself, through his very being, and into Hux. Under his palm, Hux’s wound knit itself back together, his veins and nerves and muscles and flesh repaired through the Force. Ren healed him.

Hux stared at him, amazed, pulled himself from Asher’s arms. Ren was so tired now, his shoulders slumped, but he was alive. Hux was alive. When Hux threw his arms around his neck and clung to him, he held Hux happily. If he had come here only for this one moment, no matter how futile, no matter how terrible this all was, he would cherish it forever.


	23. Born to Beg for You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go after this! Thank you so much for your kudos, comments, and support!

_Six months later:_

Hux spent the better part of the morning cannibalizing more parts of the nearly derelict First Order transport. Over the last few months, he’d managed to build, with spare parts Ren brought back from supply runs off-planet, a working fresher; a nigh indestructible cat patio for Millicent, accessible through the window by the bed; an actual stove; a better bed built into the tree; and they’d dug a latrine nearer the treeline on the far side of their little clearing. Hux felt more satisfied over these accomplishments than he’d even felt as a general. He kept himself busy so as not to think too much; but in a forest with so much solitude to think, he’d done just that and reconfirmed what he’d already known.

He made the right choice removing himself from the galactic-sized equation, to go into exile. With Ren. On the forest moon of Endor.

When he’d told Asher his intent, she couldn’t argue the wisdom of it, but they had cried, the both of them, in secret, and hugged each other tightly. He hated to leave her; they’d become so close. He’d never had that before, not even with Phasma--just a friendship, pure and simple.

He liked bidding farewell to Lan even less. He’d kissed Lan gently and told him he needed to leave. Unlike Asher, Lan had tried to argue. He’d left Hux’s rooms and Hux didn’t see him until he was leaving.

And he did need to leave. If the Finalizer were to recover, have peace, have a chance at survival; if they ever needed to seek outside help--Hux needed to go.

Leaving devastated him, but it also became easier, once he’d resolved himself to it. He’d tried, but being part of a vast family wasn’t a thing he knew how to do.

And so, with dubious wisdom, he’d chosen to leave. He’d packed what few things he had, a few things given as sentimental items, a few procured necessities, and Millicent (for he could not leave her again, he could not, ever), and flew the transport to wherever Ren led him.

To Endor.

He didn’t want to be entirely alone.

Ren proved to be a mostly pleasant companion. He never touched Hux beyond a touch to the shoulder or a pat on the back. Hux wasn’t ready for anything more.

Might never be ready, not with their history. And Lan was still a fresh wound.

But they’d settled comfortably in Ren’s little appropriated hut, and Hux had begun making improvements. Ren slept on a cot in the middle of the floor and let Hux have the improved bed, even though there was room for two.

Hux didn’t think about that.

Now, he walked around the back of the hut to greet Millicent. She sat on the little platform he’d build outside the window by the bed. She blinked slowly at him and gave a chirp. He unlatched the door and shook the bag of food. That roused her. She hopped down and rubbed against his ankles, demanding his promptness as he poured food in her bowl.

Ren always brought back plenty of food from whatever place he went in his Silencer. They had plenty of credits, between Hux’s seldom-used funds and all the funds Ren had taken out from under the emperor.

What they had left after dumping plenty into an account for his people.

Former people.

After he finished feeding Millicent, he went out front to the garden. That was mostly Ren’s work, but Ren was gone again; Hux didn’t know when he’d be back. Probably soon. He was never gone for long.

He saw figures in the trees. He raised his hand, and a tall striped one wearing a skull in his hood returned the wave.

Sometimes, the Ewoks came and just watched, as if examining a wild creature to determine its behavioral patterns, its peculiarities.

Hux heard they could eat a man.

Ren shrugged but neither confirmed nor denied the statement. In any case, the Ewoks periodically left things in a little basket by the door. Fruit, bread, eggs, skins of non-blue milk. Cloth of some sort. Soap.

Hux loved the soap. It was so different from First Order regulation soap.

A smaller brown Ewok emerged from the trees. With him was a child just old enough to be hooded. She waved at him.

“Pretty!” she called.

Hux waved back. She didn’t frighten him. The first time Ren had visited their village, he’d dragged Hux along, and she’d sat in his lap all afternoon, putting flowers in his hair.

The Ewoks were mesmerized by the color.

She bolted to him and jumped into his arms.

“Hello,” he said.

“Pretty! We bring soap! Bread!” She held out a hand. In it was a little straw and cloth Ewok-shaped doll. “For you! I made!”

Her Basic was decent, though still choppy. She wanted him to teach her more. Her parents always had to drag her away from him when he went to the village. 

Ren was surprised the first time one of them approached. They’d avoided him the entire time he’d been here alone. After two weeks with Hux, the chief’s husband had finally come close.

Hux didn’t know what that meant. not in a way he could elucidate anyway.

Teebo followed behind the little Ewok, laiden with a large basket nearly half his own size. 

He put it down by the door, waved a hand over it.

“Soap. Bread. Plants. You--ah, plant,” he said.

“Thank you,” Hux replied. He put his wokling friend down, and she wrapped an arm around his bare knee.

“I help Pretty?” she asked.

Teebo shook his head. “We go back.”

“Uh, how do I--” Hux began, indicating the plants.

Teebo looked confused a moment, and then nodded. He began pulling out the tiny pots and putting them in groups.

“These, much sun, little water,” he instructed. “These much both. Tasty, hot. These, no eat. Just pretty.”

“Pretty!” the wokling said, still clinging to him. He patted her fondly.

They refused any refreshment and left him. He stood looking at the offerings and shrugged. Bringing the bread inside, he put it in its airtight little box. Save it for later. When he was alone, he still had trouble eating. He simply had other things to do. He put the soap in a clean little storage box in a drawer in the counter.

He’d certainly neatened up everything, he thought. He did drink some water. They were low in the pitcher in the conservator Hux had built, powered by a generator. He went to the well to retrieve more. but left it out to boil later.

He looked at the plants.

“Well, no time like the present,” he told himself.

  
  


**

  
  


Later, before sunset painted the forest in its shadowed glory, Ren returned with supplies. He hopped from his Silencer and used the Force to float out the boxes to take into the hut.

He gently placed them all down though, when he saw Hux.

Hux was on his hands and knees, covered in dirt, planting things against their little hut. Ren was mesmerized by the domesticity on display. His heart ached at the sight of Hux doing something so mundane, down in the dirt.

And then Hux stood, wiped his brow, leaving a streak of mud against his sun-pinkened, newly freckled skin.

Hux’s hair was a mess, sweaty, falling in his eyes. His short sleeves were rolled tightly up his arm. His knees were covered in dirt, but his legs were long and pale and lean-muscled and bare to his soft upper thighs. He wore cut-offs that clung to his body, probably made from the work pants he’d torn the week before. 

Hux’s legs were glorious and endless, and he’d been a fool to give up those being wrapped around his body.

“Ren,” Hux called. He trotted over to help with the boxes, and Ren found his legs even more miraculous up close. He forced his eyes to Hux’s face, and that was equally distracting.

Hux didn’t tan, oh no--but his face was freckled across his cheeks and nose, and his hair was streaked from the sun.

He was like some fire sprite or something.

The wisties certainly seemed to think so. As the sun began to set, Hux’s brow furrowed.

“I’ve finished planting,” Hux said. “Our friends brought things. But let’s hurry inside.” He grabbed a box and rushed across the clearing to their hut.

And he almost made it.

As Ren followed with the rest of the boxes floating before him, he heard Hux sigh loudly. He laughed as he watched the first of the wisties fly around Hux’s head and perch in his hair, chattering away. Then they all came.

Hux had seen them for the first time on the walk back from Bright Tree Village that first visit. They’d spotted his bright hair in the forest and all dove upon him at once. He’d thought they were very large bugs.

Now he stood outside the door, shoulders slumped, as they all flitted around babbling at him. Millicent watched from the closed front window, desperately wanting to hunt one.

After their attempted flirtation, their queen caught sight of Ren and called the rest away. She flitted around Ren in greeting and then left.

“You're popular,” Ren said as he followed Hux into the hut.

Hux shook his head. “I’m just a tall, skinny human with red hair. The sun hates me. I'm filthy, itchy, and in desperate need of a bath,” he muttered.

“Go bathe. I’ll take care of this,” Ren told him, unpacking the first box.

“You just returned. I should--”

“Go,” Ren said, and reached out a hand, without thinking, to touch Hux’s face.

Hux turned away. He wasn’t ready for gentle touches.

Ren pulled his hand back, trying not to look dismayed.

“By the looks of it,” he said quietly, “you’ve been hard at work today.”

Hux nodded. He fetched his robe--never leave without it!--and a towel from his drawer, and then fled across the yard between the fresher and the hut, trying to escape the devotion of both the wisties and Ren.

And Ren watched him go.

This might be all he got for the rest of his life. Was this the will of the Force? Should he be patient or resigned? He’d no right to push for anything more. He’d been a monster to Hux. If this was the only way to be with Hux, so be it.

At least, when Hux bid the Finalizer goodbye, he’d told Asher and Valance that he’d been monstrous, and that one monster should only be with another monster.

Truth though it was, it had almost sounded like Hux had been condemning himself. That hurt: Ren was his damnation.

Sighing, Ren put the supplies away, but left out two things, a gift for Hux, and some nip for Millicent.

Which, of course, she smelled right away and demanded.

At least she’d been happy to see him. 

When Hux returned to the hut, he ran through the gauntlet of his fay adherents and barged through the door yelling, “Goodnight, your majesty!” before he slammed it shut. A wistie or two approached the window, looking at him mournfully, before flying away.

Ren held up the straw doll from the wokling. “What’s this?”

“A gift from Keelah,” Hux replied.

“Of course. She wants to marry you.”

Hux scoffed. “I’m human. And one failed engagement was quite enough for me,” Hux paused as he climbed onto the bed. Ren held his breath, feeling something squeezing at his heart, the old familiar mix of jealousy, frustration, despair.

“I brought you something too,” Ren managed to say, drawing a deep calming breath, forcing the tightness out of his chest, focusing his thoughts and energy on the object in his hand--his own gift for Hux.

Hux pulled his feet up on the bed and sat cross-legged. Ren stood and leaned against the tree branch frame. He held out the gift.

“What’s this? A book?” Hux asked.

Ren shrugged, suddenly humiliated, suddenly filled with doubt. “I remember once you talked about your mom reading it to you when you were a child.”

Hux scowled. 

“Look at it,” Ren insisted

Hux examined the book.

_Myths and Legends of Arkanis._

Hux traced the embossed title and swallowed harshly. His eyes stung, but he’d not allowed himself to weep again in front of Ren since…

Since…

Since Ren healed him.

He stroked the book but refused to open it. He put it on the shelf at the head of the bed.

“That child is long dead,” Hux whispered.

Hux pulled his legs out of their position and slipped under his blankets.

“Hux--” Ren began.

“I have much to do tomorrow, Ren. We should sleep.”

Hux pulled the blankets over his head and turned to the wall.

Ren sighed.

He stripped and, leaving a small light in the front window, made his way to Hux’s rigged fresher. There was still water in the tank, and so he allowed himself a long shower, with mostly warm water.

Hux kept himself busy, even when Ren was away. He’d done so much to the little hut in only six months. He never sat still, except to eat and bathe and sleep. With only Ren, whom he still regarded warily, he engineered and constructed and erected all day every day. He couldn’t be left alone to think too much.

Ren understood. It wasn’t as if those months he himself was alone had redeemed him. There was no redemption for the monsters they’d become, they’d been for years. Ren hadn’t moved past it, hadn’t really been redeemed, though he’d tried to convince himself--and Rey, at the time--that he had. He’d saved her! But condemned an innocent to die.

He’d come partially to terms with himself. Selfishly, having Hux with him instead of with someone else helped.

But he didn't know how to help Hux.

Neither of them wanted to die. But neither of them deserved to live. Certainly not peacefully, especially not happily.

But Ren knew he was terrible and would pursue what he didn’t deserve.

Hux was too, to an extent. But living hurt him. It always had. He was just too stubborn to give up.

Maybe, deep down, Hux was some sort of fucked-up optimist. He’d just keep living until something went right, even though it never did.

Ren would make it right for him finally. To Ren, if no one else, Hux deserved that.

He’d given Ren his final name, after all. 

The day they arrived here, Hux had asked what in all Sith hells Ren called himself.

“Are you Ben again?” he demanded.

“Don’t call me that,’ Ren said. “Ever.”

“What, Kylo, then?”

But that didn’t feel right either.

“Fuck it. I’ll just keep calling you Ren, then,” Hux had sighed tiredly as he helped unpack supplies from the transport.

And that had felt right. Why Hux called him Ren still he didn’t know. Formal familiarity probably.

When he returned from the shower, he tried to be as quiet as possible, in case Hux slept. He slept little and fitfully, worse than ever, but refused to let Ren help him.

Ren heard a soft sobbing as he came in the door.

“Hux?”

The sounds stopped.

Not the first time. If Ren left after Hux went to bed, Ren always returned to secret crying, and Hux always pretended he was asleep. They both knew he wasn’t, and they both knew Ren knew.

Ren was at a loss. Six months of this, and he still didn’t know how to help. If he could. He would never force Hux, never raise a hand or his voice to him again. When he grew frustrated at their lack of progress--not intimately, but just generally, relationally--Ren would meditate. He knew he didn't deserve Hux’s trust, might never get it. But that didn’t mean he didn’t desire it, wouldn’t seek to earn it.

He meditated as much as he’d done alone. He was getting bored with it.

He wanted to talk to Hux, not just exist in the same space.

Sighing, Ren settled on his cot and meditated.

It seemed the Force wished him to see something. He felt it leading him away and up, but he found himself forced--haha, he thought--to linger beside Hux, who actually was asleep now. Ren could see the tear tracks trailing amidst his delicate freckles. He found himself reaching out for Hux.

And then they were off.

Through the forest, off the moon, and into the void of space. Hux seemed to think he slumbered, and Ren did nothing to disabuse his consciousness of that notion. They spiraled through the starlit vacuum, Ren’s presence bundling Hux’s close to himself. He’d no clue where the Force was leading.

  
Until he did.

The Finalizer.

Ren felt Hux’s self alight with pleasure. Perhaps he’d want to return. Well, Ren wouldn’t stop him.

“No,” Hux’s being said, “I only want to see!”

Ren would give him that, even if the Force had other plans. He’d do anything Hux asked. He’d get down on his knees and beg to obey Hux at this point, if Hux would just let himself be happy.

But it seemed this had been the Force’s plan all along.

The Force pulled them along the ship’s trajectory, racing to catch them up to it. It hung, a beacon before them, obscuring the stars, resolute and outwardly unchanging. Though they both knew how much would have changed in the last six months.

Hux wondered how Peavey fared, in charge with Asher essentially his second. How big had Mitaka’s child grown? How had these people, so determined to live happily together--all returned because of Ren, and many of them for Hux himself--done for themselves? How had they thrived in Hux’s absence? He wanted to know; feared the knowing.

And soon they were there.

And just like in the very beginning of all of this, Hux wept when he entered her presence, his first true home, his Finalizer.


	24. I Love Your Precious Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. And this chapter title is a cheat. It’s from the National’s cover of an INXS song, recorded for a fundraiser for the wildfires in Australia.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos and comments. It has been an honor and a privilege to have you all along for this ride, and I deeply appreciate it. I hope the ending pleases.
> 
> And thank you to my beta reader, she knows who she is, for all the support and brilliant ideas.

Their beings clung together, just like in real life. Ren knew his body had climbed into bed with Hux and now circled the slighter man’s frame. Whether Hux could feel it or not, he gave no sign, so intent was he on his ship. And the fact that he’d never experienced this before, this Force-traveling, like an out of body experience.

By instinct, Hux brought them to his old quarters. No one slept here. It had been turned into a nursery, of all things. He hadn't known other children had been born after Exegol! Of course, it had been well over a year, nearly two, if Hux reckoned accurately. And he usually did.

Mitaka’s child was the oldest though, and easy to pick out, with the hair and the wide eyes. Hux pointed her out to Ren. One of his former lieutenant’s partners sat beside her. The woman herself looked like she was with child. And then, to Hux and Ren’s surprise, one of the remaining knights came in. It was Kazan, looking much the same, but happier as he bent to kiss the woman and hoist the little girl. Ren seemed surprised, but he’d seen Kazan dreaming of that little family. Perhaps, Hux was more shocked than Ren, seeing one of the knights besides Lan being so domestic.

They left Hux’s quarters and made for the bridge. Peavey stood in plain shirtsleeves, relaxed and staring out the viewport. His wife sat nearby, apparently teaching Mitaka to knit baby booties.

It was all so different. So relaxed.

Everyone look relaxed.

How had he never noticed how well they were all doing? Or maybe it was indeed better without him. His home was no longer his home.

Ren felt Hux’s presence dim with sorrow. But the Force drew them away before they could dwell upon it.

They saw Unamo and her partner in the former officer’s lounge, deep in discussion with Valance and Thannison. Valance paused, his gaze unfocused a moment. Ren felt Hux’s affection and knew without a doubt they’d been intimate.

“You all right, love?” Thannison asked.

“Yeah, babe. Thought I felt someone,” Valance replied and smiled. “Now, we’re discussing names, right?” he asked Unamo.

They passed through the halls, saw Opan and Ouna walking hand in hand. They saw Chero in a small room meditating. On either side of him were small black boxes with plaques on them. Chero opened his eyes a moment, reached out to pat the boxes. He smiled softly.

But where is Asher? Hux wondered. He dearly wished to see her. Ren felt the Force tugging, so he pulled Hux along.

And there she was, in the knight's quarters. She sat on the sofa, drinking tea and reading. Without looking up, she smiled, just a little.

“We’re doing just fine," she said. "Though I miss you both.”

And she looked fine. For once, she held herself with easy confidence, looking like the leader she was. That she finally believed herself to be. Hux missed her fiercely. She was probably his first true friend, without any of the awkward romance entangled in their relationship, or the tendency towards self-preservation above all else he’d shared with Phasma.

Ren felt a twinge of jealousy that Hux had been closer to his knights than he had, in the end.

But Hux had needed them, so Ren, for once, didn’t dwell on it.

See? He had grown a bit.

But he also knew where the Force led them next.

It was to the medbay. It was quiet. Just a few patients with children getting checkups and vaccines. Hux was pleased they’d stayed stringent on that. 

He saw a familiar dark head walking down a hall and bade Ren follow it. Reluctant though he was, Ren obeyed.

It was Lan.

He looked good. His face bore no marks of his fight with Errol. His gait rolled him easily through the medbay. Taro stopped him and chatted, a hand on his arm, from which he didn’t shy away. In fact, the opposite was true, and he gave the doctor a familiar smile. A smile Hux had seen many times.

Ren felt Hux’s sob through the Force.

Lan didn’t hear it, and Ren was glad.

Someone joined Lan and Taro.

Lan chuckled. “I brought you lunch, brother!”

Errol, dressed in similar old First Order scrubs as Taro, smiled.

“Have you been experimenting in the kitchen again?” he asked blithely.

Lan nodded excitedly.

Errol shook his head and then stopped. He turned his head and seemed to look directly at Ren and Hux.

He aimed a rueful glance towards them.

All I wrought, he thought at them, and yet, I’m the one who stayed, forgiven. I’m so sorry. But thank you. You left, and we get to live now.

He turned back to his brother.

Lan spoke, but neither heard him, and only saw Errol shake his head. Taro reached up to kiss Lan’s cheek, and then Ren pulled Hux away.

Errol had been the worst of the knights, but he was also the only one who realized Hux and Ren needed to go. That only with them gone, would he--and his remaining brothers--have the chance at simply living.

Ren couldn’t be pissed when he was actually also proud.

The Force was finished. It pulled them back with finality to the little bed in the little cabin on the little forest moon of Endor.

Ren came to himself, curled protectively around Hux, who gagged harshly at the unfamiliarity of what he’d just experienced. And then he sobbed. His body wracked with grief, his mouth wide and gulping for air. Ren gently turned him around and held him. Hux hardly knew what was happening, but he clung to Ren and, once again--it felt so familiar now--cried himself to sleep.

  
  


**

  
  


The next morning, Hux awakened to find himself staring at Ren’s slumbering face. Seldom had he allowed himself to be this close to Ren since he’d come here. Only if he needed Ren’s assistance in building something, or if he fell and Ren caught him. Never in bed. How could he allow himself that?

He watched Ren’s face twitch from his dreaming.

He wanted to touch Ren, but he wouldn’t let himself.

Instead, he gingerly crawled to the end of the bed and dropped over the footboard--little more than twined roots--and onto the floor. He misjudged the height and stumbled but caught himself before he fell.

He stared in dismay down at his robe. He'd not even bothered putting on his pajamas last night.

Ren lay half out of the blankets. And he’d not even bothered dressing at all.

But Hux remembered everything well. He knew Ren didn’t take advantage of him. He quirked his mouth remorsefully.

Millicent popped through the window from her cat patio to demand his attention. Now that they lived here, alone, on a remote moon, she was more spoiled than ever. He felt bad taking Millie from her familiar old life. But she was the first creature to love him unconditionally--mostly--and the feeling was mutual.

“Hush, my love. Ren’s still asleep. Come here, and I’ll feed you. The good stuff,” he told her, and opened a can of wet food. She leapt from the window, over Ren, and to the floor in her excitement. Hux was so impressed that he gave her the whole can and smiled adoringly at her as she ate.

“Don’t let her be greedy. She’ll eat it all in one go and puke,” Ren said.

Hux started.

“I thought you were asleep.”

Ren yawned. “I woke up when you dropped off the end of the bed.”

“Kriff. If you were awake, you should have told me and let me get out the normal way!”

"I didn't want to startle you. I was afraid you'd fall," Ren said sincerely.

Hux rubbed his hands over his face. "Please stop fretting over me."

He sounded upset, Ren thought. Well, he amended, he is upset.

“I’m sorry,” he said contritely, looking away. After a moment, he asked, “Do you want to talk about it?” He kept his eyes to the window.

Hux shook his head, said quietly, “Not yet.”

“What shall we do today then?” Ren asked.

Hux nodded his head to their basket of laundry.

**

  
  


They made certain Millie had water. Then they packed up the fresh bread Teebo had brought with the cheese from days ago and a skin of the berry wine Wicket made.

Hux saw the little doll Keelah had given him. He smiled and put it by his drafting supplies on the cabinet by the bed.

Ren hauled the big laundry basket whilst Hux toted their picnic basket with their food and soap, and they headed for the river.

Sometimes, they saw Bright Tree villagers there, but the little cove was quiet today. They knelt at the bank and scrubbed their clothes with the Ewok soap, rinsed them, squeezed the water out as best they could. Ren took some hemp rope from the bottom and tied a few lengths between tree branches. They threw their clothes over them to dry.

“Strip, and we can wash these,” Ren said.

Hux stood, foot tucked behind his bare leg. “What?” 

“C’mon, you wore those cut-offs yesterday.”

“I didn’t bring a change--”

"It's fine, Hux," Ren shrugged, looking at his hands. "I want to go swimming."

So saying, Ren stripped and began going at his clothes. He acted like it was so simple, so casual. Slowly, Hux followed suit. Laundering these clothes would keep him distracted from the sight of Ren’s luscious posterior, his broad back.

“Stop, Armitage,” he told himself.

After they were finished washing their clothes, Hux unpacked the basket, and they sat companionably in the grass. Ren sliced pieces of the rich, sharp cheese and put it on a plate. Then he tore pieces from the loaf of bread as Hux took a swig from the wineskin.

“So good,” he muttered.

“Tastes like the soap smells,” Ren replied.

“And the soap is wonderful. You just don’t like wine.”

“Yes, I do,” Ren insisted.

“As long as it’s sweet and cloying.”

Ren made a face at him. Hux laughed and ate some cheese.

This was one of the most normal conversations they’d ever had. Not just now, but practically in the entire time they’d known each other. Though Ren enjoyed it, he knew he needed to broach the subject Hux wished to avoid. 

Sobering himself, Ren tentatively said, “We need to talk about what happened last night."

Hux paused, frowning, before taking another pull from the wineskin.

“Don’t want to.”

“All the more reason.”

Hux sighed. “Am I so easily forgotten?” he asked suddenly. “Am I worth so little that everyone replaces me so easily?” He rubbed a bare, freckling arm over his eyes, like a child. Held it there to block out a world that didn’t seem to need him. Had never wanted him.

“No. You aren’t,” Ren said. He had spent months asking himself the same questions, but he knew people had always reached out to him. He’d passed up so many chances. 

Hux gave a bitter laugh. “You of all people can’t really say that to me.”

Ren sighed. “I know. And I know I can never repay how I treated you. But even at my worst, there was a reason I could never leave you behind. Or kill you. Even if I didn’t recognize it for what it was.” He reached over to pull Hux’s arm down. How many tears had he made this man shed over the years? One was too many. Ren should be dead for how he’d treated this precious creature. His companion in tyranny. Only Hux understood, and Ren was damned if he’d let Hux suffer alone.

Even when Pryde had told him, essentially, that he’d killed Hux, he’d felt the loss keenly. Asher and Valance thought he didn’t. But when he thought Hux was gone, the only thing he had left was to defeat the girl or to defeat the emperor. Only when Rey had stabbed him did he realize he didn’t want to die, he couldn’t bear to. That he needed to live. And when he discovered Hux was alive, somehow the intense desire to live made sense again, beyond just the drive for power or survival.

Hux regarded Ren mournfully. 

“I listened to dead and dying old men my whole life, just like you, and none of them were right. I belonged to you the second I was born. I just realized it way too late,” Ren told him.

He cupped his hand around Hux’s cheek. Swiped a tear away with his thumb. “I was a fucking idiot. Lan was smarter. Valance was smarter. You and I--we just don’t know how to be any other way.”

Hux kept his eyes--wet, shining brilliant green through his tears--focused on Ren, but tilted his head into Ren’s hand.

“I don’t begrudge them their joy,” he murmured. “It just...hurts, you know?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You are, quite literally, the only one who does.”

“Yeah. Lucky you, I guess.”

Hux gave him a wan smile, brought his own hand up to Ren’s against his cheek. “Well, you’re with me every day now, so you won't forget me.”

“I never did, Hux. I just thought I hated you, and then you died. I was a fucking idiot.”

“Yes, well, I won’t disagree there.”

“Hey!” Ren tugged Hux’s fringe.

Hux smiled again, and then abruptly stood. He’d quite forgotten they were naked.

Ren had too apparently. Hux saw his cheeks flush. That’s all the prompt Hux needed to run to the safety of the water.

“You wanted to swim, remember?”

Ren stood and ran in after him.

They swam and splashed at each other for a good while, Hux keeping a proprietary distance from Ren, until Ren playfully shoved his head under the water. Hux started to panic, and Ren pulled him up immediately, apologizing. Hux kicked water in his face.

When they came out, they discovered that woodland creatures had eaten their bread and cheese. Ren wailed, but Hux just threw the rest in the woods for the little thieves. The wine, however, was fine.

“Leave it to you to protect the wine,” Ren moaned.

Hux took a swig in response.

They dozed in some shade whilst they dried, until their clothes were ready. Then they dressed and carted everything back to their cabin.

Back home, Hux thought.

Maybe this could be home. He looked at Ren covertly through his lashes as they walked. Ren’s arms bulged with the weight of the basket.

Had he ever had a day like this, where he’d had fun? Yes, his libido suddenly supplied, that day I fucked Lan.

But this was easy companionship. Ren made his feelings plain now, but he seemed happy just to have Hux be with him. Hux felt that the tables had turned. Once he’d just made himself content to be by Ren’s side, until Ren had hurt him. But now, Ren was gentler than he had been. Hux knew he was trying.

And Ren was right. They understood each other.

And, let us be honest, Armitage, you love him. That’s why you let him on the ship. That’s why everything happened, he told himself.

That’s why you don’t deserve to touch him.

Ren’s eyes slid to his. He maneuvered the basket to his right arm and clasped Hux’s hand with his left. Hux tensed, but when Ren squeezed his hand, he didn’t pull away.

“The thought of you is the only thing that kept me from killing myself. I didn’t want to die, but I--,” he began. Paused. “Errol helped, when I thought he wanted me to teach him. But only you kept me from being a monster again. I didn’t know what to do,” Ren explained. “Only you could understand all I’d done. I realized I missed you so much it hurt.”

Hux found himself leaning into Ren’s side a bit.

“I think,” Hux began, “I think I needed to see. The Finalizer. For closure. Thank you,” he murmured.

Ren nodded. 

They were quiet for a little while, until they approached their cabin.

“There she is,” Ren said with a cautious joy. “Home.”

“Yes,” Hux said. “I suppose it is our home.”

They entered and greeted Millie, put away their clothes, cleaned up their plates. When they were done, Hux opened a cupboard to consider dinner. He could feel Ren behind him and turned.

Ren took his hand, kissed it. He seemed nervous. “Armitage,” he said quietly, earnestly, “no matter what you decide, no matter what you want, I love your precious, precious heart. I love you, no matter what you need to do. "

His throat felt tight.

He had no response, he was so nonplussed. And he knew, he knew how hard it was for Ren to say these words, to not be Ren and take what he wanted. 

Ren nodded and went outside. To do nothing of consequence, really, just to ease the tension. To give Hux space.

Hux, well, he had his closure. He knew that what had brought him here was his love for Ren. That being the case, why deny it? What good did it do either of them for Hux to deny them both? Fuck it, he realized. The galaxy was safe from them. They were two men together trying to figure out the logistics of being together when one of them wanted to punish himself, and the other tried to live with all the cruelty he’d visited upon the people he’d loved. Punishing themselves did no good now, and he didn’t want to punish Ren.

He unbuttoned his shirt and headed for the door, smoothing his cut-offs as he went.

Ren was just standing there. Hux observed him. They were just two men on a collision course from the moment they were born. He’d have always ended up somewhere with Ren. Why not here? Now?

“Ren,” he called.

And Ren turned to him. Hux approached, felt nervous. But what Ren saw was the man he loved walking towards him. Hux took his hand and tugged his arm.

It was unintentionally seductive, Hux’s uncertainty. His uncharacteristic shyness. Ren was enthralled by him. By everything: the way his golden-red fringe fell in his eyes, the flutter of his lashes, his bare, long legs. He’d been captivated the moment he saw Hux years ago, though he couldn’t have understood why.

He followed Hux back into the cabin, and Hux pressed himself to Ren. It had been so long, nearly three years since last they kissed; but their lips came together like there had been no time lost between them. Ren still knew how Hux liked the way he used his teeth, how he sucked Hux’s full lower lip. Hux sneaked his tongue between Ren’s greedy lips, and their arms curled around each other.

They were terrible, Hux knew, but how this happened would be his answer, his assurance, or he’d never touch Ren again.

Ren’s knuckles tenderly grazed his collar bone. Hux waited to see what he’d do. Ren pulled his lips from Hux’s and lowered his mouth to follow the path of his hand. His long nose brushed against Hux’s throat. He was careful, soft, like he knew Hux was on guard. And he surely did know.

Ren finished unbuttoning Hux’s shirt before pulling off his own.

Hux missed the scars, proof of life shared together. But this was still his Ren. They’d both changed, and it seemed somehow to have brought them closer together.

Hux led Ren to the bed, climbed up to sit on it, and wrapped his long legs around Ren’s waist.

“These shorts, Hux,” Ren groaned.

“Yeah?”

“I love them, but they’re coming off,” he said firmly.

“Yeah,” Hux breathed and lifted his ass, released Ren so they could get his shorts and underpants off.

Ren looked at him, pale and pink, soft, slim, glorious--and burst into tears.

“Ren?” Hux whispered.

“I never thought I’d--ever again--!” Ren sobbed.

Hux had tears in his eyes too, as he said, “You can, you are, Ren, please.”

Ren clung to Hux, his tears on that white, delicate chest, until Hux pulled his head up to kiss him again.

Somehow, they got Ren out of his pants and onto the bed, where he pressed himself against Hux, and they kissed again, bodies moving against each other. After a while, they stopped and stared at each other, just relishing the feel of Ren’s body flush against Hux’s. Chest to chest, hip aligned with hip, legs tangled together. Then Hux smiled and pressed himself against Ren. Ren whimpered, and they kissed more, rutting into each other. Hux’s legs wound their way around Ren’s hips again, pulling his giant beauty more tightly against him. Trapping their cocks between them, full and ready. They took their time exploring each other, relearning each other’s bodies after so long apart, so long at odds.

Never again. They belonged to each other.

“Will you, Ren? Will you?” Hux begged, spreading his legs. His cock leaked against his stomach. So overcome was Ren that he leaned down to take that beautiful thing into his mouth. Hux howled with pleasure, but tugged at Ren’s hair.

“What? Am I doing something wrong?” Ren asked.

"No, no. Just…” Hux moaned. “In me. Now.”

Ren blinked, surprised. Had it been so long since he’d known he’d made someone happy? Hux stroked his cheek. 

Ren gave a tiny smile, reassured. “Say please,” he said.

Hux fluttered his lashes prettily and opened his mouth to say, “Please, now, brat.”

Ren hid his smile in Hux’s thigh and then gently nipped the head of Hux’s cock. Hux cursed happily. He’d always liked that.

Ren reached into the storage cupboard under the bed and produced lube.

“Smart, baby,” Hux purred.

Ren covered him again, kissing him hungrily, then attending to all his favorite parts of Hux: He licked his sideburns and kissed the mole on his right cheek. He nibbled on the tiny pink nipples; chewed on his magnificent, inhumanly beautiful red pubes, worshiped his cock. Hux nearly wept from pleasure as he writhed beneath Ren’s ministrations. He’d forgotten how good Ren felt, how Ren loved the very funniest things about his body, and that made him feel better about it all--his slimness, his red hair, his softness that remained no matter how he had tried to rid himself of it. Ren desired it all. It didn’t matter with whom else Hux had been, because only Ren made him forget his insecurities. Even Lan, as much as they’d loved each other, had been influenced by the genetics of Ren himself.

Ren wanted it all, just as it was.

When Ren slicked himself and carefully entered him, Hux wept and pulled Ren down atop him. His arms went about Ren’s neck; his legs wrapped around Ren’s waist once again. Ren’s hand stroked up his thigh. He bit into Ren’s trapezius as he wept into his neck. And Ren--Ren was in him, above him, all around. Every scent that made up the scent of Ren was in his nose, Ren’s taste--salty, savory--in his mouth. Ren’s big cock claiming him again, finally, forever. They moved together as if they’d never been apart, until Ren reached his climax, fed it back into Hux, and Hux screamed Ren’s name the moment Ren wrapped his fingers around Hux.

Hux clung to him, sobbing, even after Ren softened and pulled out. The feeling of Ren leaking from him was perfection.

Ren rolled them both over on their sides to face each other. He stroked Hux’s cheek as he continued to cry.

“Armie?” he murmured. He knew he took a risk using the diminutive, but he was worried. Had he hurt Hux? Would Hux ever let Ren touch him again?

Hux hiccupped and looked at Ren. Ren had tears in his eyes, but he was, for once, far more collected than was Hux.

“Are you okay?” Ren asked, worry writ plain on his face as he continued stroking Hux’s cheek, down his arm.

Hux took a quavering breath before he managed to speak. “I love you,” he said simply.

Ren touched their foreheads together. “I love you. Forever.”

“Promise?” Hux needed to hear it, needed to know if he could count on this, on Ren; if he could touch Ren like this always.

“I swear. The minute I was born, I was yours, no matter how many lives I’ve led. This is the last one. Ren Hux is all yours.”

Hux grinned and laughed at that. “Ren Hux, eh?” he asked.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Then I suppose Ren Hux should help Armitage Hux with dinner. And he should start sleeping with his Armitage. And...maybe,” Hux whispered. He looked over Ren’s shoulder at the gift Ren had given him. “Maybe you can read him some fairy tales?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

A tear slipped across the bridge of Hux’s nose; Ren leaned in to kiss it away.

“You’re all I want.” he said.

Hux nodded, his eyes wide, lips parted in astonishment.

Even if Ren had more names, they’d both had multiple lifetimes. But this--this was the one they’d been meant to have all along.

  
  


**_~FIN~_ **


End file.
